To Be Yourself

Human race is the story of untold miseries, struggles & achievements. Many of the miseries were natural, did a lot of damage but we survived those. Some other miseries were brought by few despots trying to be the power to control the world externally but we overcame them as well. But the real misery that we are still trying to overcome is the misery of living a borrowed life. And it has a lot to do with the freedom of choice which Viktor Frankl called as 'the last of human freedoms' in his magnum opus 'Man's Search For Meaning' -

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing:the last of human freedoms-to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Viktor E. Frankl.

The trouble begins when we surrender this freedom of choice to external circumstances which are transient. Our circumstances are transient but the behavior pattern that we develop once we surrender this freedom becomes an integral part of our existence & refuses to cooperate & our misery continues.

In this ever changing world, one thing has always remained constant & that is struggle for individuality. Struggle to safe guard our individuality becomes a much greater challenge than struggle for survival. We learn survival techniques much faster because we are supported in this endeavor by people close to us-our parents, our teachers, our peer group. On the contrary, we are opposed by the same group of people when we try to be ourselves. They oppose because they surrendered their freedom & individuality much earlier and behave as if they were much better-off now. They feel so because they don't have to choose what they have to be; they become what the world around them wants them to be. Now they want us to live the same fallacy & conform to their ideas. 

While we have so much of struggle, failures & miseries, we also have a lot of achievements to write home about. And most of these have been because of the people who refused to surrender their individuality; their freedom of choice. The world by opposing them made them much stronger than the adverse circumstances. They protected their 'last of human freedoms' as if their survival depended on it. They surrendered everything but their right to be themselves. They didn't only survive; they lived an abundant life. 

Pray To Please

We displease many people every day on a non-issue. In fact, we don't displease others; we displease ourselves. Man is not an island. We are connected to so many people every single moment that we can't escape getting hurt if someone is hurt by our act. Our mood is not a separate entity.  It is dependent on the atmosphere around us which in turn is created by us. So, when we displease someone, we lay foundation for a bad mood for ourselves. 
One way to pray is to concentrate on self- our dreams, our sins & our peace of mind. What if we start praying for others? How will it benefit you? It will; actually when you pray for others, you feel more contented in comparison to when you pray for yourself. You feel disengaged with self & feel connected to others. You get vicarious pleasure in their achievement & blessings. Their benefits even start influencing you & their joy uplift your mood. You become one with the world.  
Another way to pray is to give pleasure to others. Your one act that gives pleasure to one person is better than praying aloud for self. When you help others, you become one with God & that is the real purpose of praying. 
So, the next time when you go to pray, forgive everyone who hurt you & pray for him. Also apologize for every act of yours that might have offended someone. You will ensure a happy mood & a happy time ahead for yourself. 

Cost Of Happiness

If asked from variety of people about their reason of doing a particular job, the usual answer would be-"I do it to for the security of my family." And they take pride in stating this as this statement seems to put the family first. But it actually makes him & people around him a laggard in life as far as happiness is concerned. We get the whole equation wrong simply because we don't understand the question right. Life doesn't need a security cover; it needs a happiness cover. The problem with most of us is that we confuse happiness with security. We think that we are happy as long as we are secure and the tragedy is we neither understand happiness nor security.

Happiness is not a thing but a state and therefore it cannot be had in exchange of anything. All our life we keep running after money, security, financial freedom, palatial houses, luxury cars & all other toys to make ourselves & people around us happy. The paradox is while we are adding all these items to our shopping cart, someone is swapping a credit card & debiting a large amount of happiness from our happiness bank. When we bring these items home, we also get some so called freebies like greed, ego & stress. Ironically, the more secure we feel, the more security we yearn for & we are caught in a vicious cycle. 

This happens because we also misunderstand security. In the beginning we work for our basic needs but once we have it, we swiftly move to ultra-luxury items & never stop. Initially, having our basic necessities have some bearing on our happiness index, but once we reach to a certain level, hoarding these things doesn't affect our state of happiness. In fact, it takes a lot away from us & only gives us pain. What we should understand is that security is nothing but our ability to perform a particular job. As long as we are adequate to do a job we should not worry about security- financial or social. Instead of hoarding money and toys, one should hoard skills & talents. 

Remember, happiness also comes at a price & the price is your abnegation of all material pursuits. This is not to say that we don't need some basic necessities but what we don't need is mindless hoarding of luxuries at the cost of happiness. 

Don't Be Serious, Be Sincere

Do you know someone who doesn't smile much? How do you feel in his company? Now think of someone who laughs a lot; cracks a lot of jokes & remains cheerful, no matter what circumstances. What difference do you find between the two?

The basic difference between the people who struggle to laugh & who laugh a lot is of the way they live their life. I am not talking about being successful or being a failure. Success & failure are quite subjective & at times, it is difficult to know whether one is successful or a failure from the things one possesses. A person is an utter failure if he has huge wealth but doesn't know how to enjoy life. On the contrary a monk might feel quite successful with no more than clothes to show as his possession. 

Robert Frost was right on the button when he said, 
                                "If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane."

In fact, people who don't laugh are, in a way, insane. They may not be mentally ill but emotionally they are. They don't live their life; they only pass it. And when you pass your life, you waste it. The tragedy of life is not that we have got only one life to live; the real tragedy is not knowing how to live it. You will often hear these people complaining about others not taking their lives seriously. They think they were successful because they were serious. They mistake seriousness for sincerity. They need to be told that life is not a serious matter & needs to be taken sincerely but lightly. Laugh a bit; bunk a few classes if you are a student; play some pranks, dance in the rain & never take life too seriously or you will go insane sooner than later.

Another positive aspect of people who laugh often is that they are an open book. They don't hide anything & therefore are quite trustworthy. They don't lead a worried or hurried life as they live in the 'now' and generally don't carry the burden of today or tomorrow. Since, they are cheerful they are natural heart-warmers. Everyone likes to be in the company of such people as they radiate cheerfulness all around.  

The only treatment of an emotionally ill person is a big laugh every now & then & a sound sleep at bed time!   

       "A good laugh & a long sleep are the two best cures for anything." - Irish Proverb

Think Big Anyway

We find two kinds of people in this world- People who are ordinary, lead a struggled life, and have a limited existence & people who are extraordinary, super-achievers & lead a blessed life. What separates one category of people from another? You guessed it right- it is the thinking part that makes all the difference. But the big question is if this is such a big factor that separates super-achievers from ordinary folks, why people ignore it? The answer is simple- It is because people don't understand how big a difference this one factor makes in over-all result.

Actually the quantum of result of any endeavor is decided at the very outset by the way the whole idea is perceived. If it is conceived with a lot of optimism & with the will to succeed, it has no reason to fail. On the contrary, if the person who conceived it is not sure about its success, chances are his doubts will be proved right. Thinking success conditions our mind to plan only for success; on the contrary thinking failure directs our mind to find ways & means to fail.

It is a wrong notion that people who have high intellect & resources, generally succeed & people with limited resources lead an ordinary life. Remember, knowledge is only potential power. A very high intellect is inconsequential for success if we don't make good use of the same. We have a lot of examples when a highly intelligent man led an ordinary life & a person with ordinary or no schooling ruled over so called super-brains. What makes those ordinary looking people so extraordinary? It is their desire to succeed & their power of thinking big. They can't see failure; they only visualize success, & that too big size! While ordinary people always think of what can't be done, extra-ordinary people think in terms of how an impossible task can be converted into a possible one. Ordinary people search for impossibilities in the possible; extra-ordinary look for possibilities in the impossible.

The size of your achievement is directly proportional to the size of your dreams. You are much bigger than your thoughts. So, instead of undermining your size, you should learn to increase the size of your thoughts. Merely by increasing the size of your thoughts, you can take your success to a new level. Your today's existence is the result of your past thought; similarly, what and how big you are going to be after few years will depend upon the size of your thoughts today. Choose the size of your thoughts carefully. Don't adjust your life to your thoughts; adjust your thoughts to the life you are meant to be living- A really BIG one!  

Open Your Parcel

Man is a bundle of uncountable traits, many of which go unnoticed & unused. One of the reasons that these traits are not used is that man himself is not sure about these. A good number of our traits are developed over the years. We work on some specific traits & become master of the same & think we were born only with these traits. The fact of the matter is that we are born with innumerable traits. We develop the traits that we come to know about but a large number remains latent throughout our life.

What are the reasons that we ignore the treasure house that we are sitting on? Prime reason is that we don't trust ourselves of having certain traits. On many occasions we come to know about a trait by chance & surprise ourselves with our achievements in that field. For instance, a child may learn about his talent for direction when he guides his classmates in some play in school in the absence of the actual director. And the child goes on to become a famous director! The question to be asked is what if the original director was not absent on that day!

Another reason is that we don't test ourselves. If we believe & do a random check on varied traits, we may find a good number of these waiting to be used. We wait for the opportunity instead of making one. So, we leave some of the wonderful talents to chance & that is the reason that despite gifted with a good number of these, we get to know only about a few. 

One more reason is that we wait for others' recommendation for our talents. If someone appreciates any of our talent, we give it another go & wait for another nod from some other person. It is like getting approval from my neighbor to use my own things in my home & if he disagrees, not using these. How funny! 

It is tragic that a wonderful gift like man remains unopened throughout the life. We do a great disservice to ourselves & to mankind by not opening it. It doesn't matter whether others like the articles in the gift or not; our job is to open the parcel & use every article in it otherwise we will live a limited existence. It will be a pity if I have to return God some of the articles of the parcel telling Him," Sorry God, I could not use all of these."

Slow Down

The biggest fallout of getting caught in a rat race is that we don't know why we are running; and where. Some rats are running for the cheese, some more are running for more cheese & some are running for better quality cheese. Getting cheese becomes the be-all and end-all of our existence. When cheese moves, we also move. Our whole existence becomes cheese dependent. When we take part in a race our only motto is to compete with others. And when we do so our focus shifts to others. We start thinking in terms of others & self is lost among other rats. It is important to slow down & let others win(lose). When you slow down, you realize your purpose & every step of your life thereafter connects you to your calling. You not only enjoy the race, but also the scenery around you which is an essential part of your existence. And most importantly, you start living !