Laughing Matters

Do you know someone who doesn't smile much? How do you feel in his company? Now think of someone who laughs a lot; cracks a lot of jokes & remains cheerful, no matter what circumstances. What difference do you find between the two?

The basic difference between the people who struggle to laugh & who laugh a lot is of the way they live their life. I am not talking about being successful or being a failure. Success & failure are quite subjective & at times, it is difficult to know whether one is successful or a failure from the things one possesses. A person is an utter failure if he has huge wealth but doesn't know how to enjoy life. On the contrary a monk might feel quite successful with no more than clothes to show as his possession. 

Robert Frost was right on the button when he said, 
                                "If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane."

In fact, people who don't laugh are, in a way, insane. They may not be mentally ill but emotionally they are. They don't live their life; they only pass it. And when you pass your life, you waste it. The tragedy of life is not that we have got only one life to live; the real tragedy is not knowing how to live it. You will often hear these people complaining about others not taking their lives seriously. They think they were successful because they were serious. They mistake seriousness for sincerity. They need to be told that life is not a serious matter & needs to be taken sincerely but lightly. Laugh a bit; bunk a few classes if you are a student; play some pranks, dance in the rain & never take life too seriously or you will go insane sooner than later.

Another positive aspect of people who laugh often is that they are an open book. They don't hide anything & therefore are quite trustworthy. They don't lead a worried or hurried life as they live in the 'now' and generally don't carry the burden of today or tomorrow. Since, they are cheerful they are natural heart-warmers. Everyone likes to be in the company of such people as they radiate cheerfulness all around.  

The only treatment of an emotionally ill person is a big laugh every now & then & a sound sleep at bed time!   

           "A good laugh & a long sleep are the two best cures for anything." - Irish Proverb

Real Happiness

One of the major aims of human life is to be happy. And the irony is the more we go after it, the farther it gets from us. We look for happiness in our bank balance, in a palatial house, in a luxury car. And more often than not, these very things rob us of whatever happiness we had before possessing these. How many times you have heard people saying," I was happier when I was not a rich man."? Why is it so that things which were supposed to bring joy attract untold miseries into our life? And the answer is because we misunderstand happiness.

All our life we chase happiness assuming it to be a thing, not an emotion. Things can give you comfort, they may bring security into your life, these may attract more people into your life; but things cannot bring happiness if you don't share these with others. Our basic instinct with things is that of hoarding, not of sharing. We think, the more things we collect, the happier we will get. In fact, it is the other way round. The more things we share, the more joy we attract into our life. Because, when we share things, we also send the emotions of happiness towards the other person. And the gratitude that he shows for the gift that he gets brings double joy in our life. 

Another thing to remember about happiness is that happiness of another person is essential to our own. It is as contagious as sadness is. You cannot feel happy if people around you are gloomy. How many times it happens that you are in a jolly mood & you hear the news of some natural disaster or some accident that brings misery to other people, you too go into depression? The disaster might have taken place on the other side of the globe & it has no bearing on your life but it affects you badly. It is because emotions don't know barriers or boundaries; they travel faster than light & affect all who come in contact. 

All the happiness that we presume to have got from success vanishes into thin air the moment we face another failure. It is because this happiness doesn't come from within; it originates from an outside source. So, the moment that source goes away, happiness also goes with it. Real happiness comes from within & flows out. If a person is really happy, people around him start feeling happy. They don't have negative emotions like jealousy, want, greed etc. They also want to be as happy as the other person but not at the cost of his happiness. Like water, happiness also flows from higher source to the lower. So, if you are happier than others, you should be making people around you happier. And you will also bathe in their reflected happiness!

Future Perfect

The only thing certain about future is that it is not certain. We cannot predict how we are going to live our tomorrow. If we can't do it for ourselves, how can we be sure about the future of our kids? In a way, we can be. The best way to be sure about their future is to take care of their present & prepare them for the future. 

One big challenge before us is the speed of change that we are witnessing today & it is not going to get any slower. The world that we witness today was not imagined by any of us. No one had predicted that a phenomenon like Google will be born & will so fast become a verb or we will play with concepts like iphone & You Tube. So, our parents were preparing us for a different future;in fact a much obsolete future than we are into today. But most of us got ready for this future before it arrived. How come? The genesis of this adaptation lies in our upbringing. 

The best way to train our children for future is to give them some attributes that will not change under any circumstances. Instead of giving them road map or a clock, give them a compass as it will always head North. While the clock tells us what to do in a given time frame, compass represents basic values & principles. If we can teach these basic principles to our children in order to have following endowments, we would secure their future.

First endowment is self-awareness. A child should be made aware about his present so that he is clear about his future. He should be taught to be responsible for his own environment. It can be done by giving him responsibilities that he carries out on his own. It will develop his self-esteem which will work as a support system in challenging situations.

Second endowment is a pure conscience. The fact is that a child has the purest of conscience & we cannot add anything to it. If we can protect his conscience & not pollute it, we would have done a great favor to him.

Third endowment is an independent will. If we can give the child a will do be independent; to take his decisions in most trying situations, we would succeed in our endeavor to give him a safe future.

"The mother child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent." - Erich Fromm

And the last attribute that we can gift our children is creative imagination. He should know how to create his own world & how to build his own future. He should learn that imagination is more important than knowledge. The knowledge that he gathers may not be useful in his future but the imagination that he will build will create his own world.

If we could gift these attributes to our children, we would definitely prepare them for a bright future. 

Trust Yourself

Man is a reservoir of a huge untapped potential. He can do some unthinkable things if he realizes his real power. The challenge lies in knowing that you know. Most of the people fail to attempt something new because of a low self-esteem. Man is not born with a low self-esteem; on the contrary a child is a super human being. He achieves remarkable feats in his childhood; starting with using his hands to hold things, crawling, walking, speaking and many other similar acts. By the time he turns four, he becomes independent in terms of his daily activities. As he grows up he learns to read, write, paint & many such activities that require use of his brain. Later on he learns skills like cycling, swimming, working on a computer etc. These may seem ordinary or routine learning from the point of view of a grown up person. But if you look it from a child's point of view, these would look astonishing. It is when he thinks that he has achieved all that he could, he stops learning. Now he wants to settle down & 'enjoy life'.

There are two crucial moments in the life of a man- First, when he thinks that he has known enough & secondly, when he thinks he doesn't know much. When a person thinks that he has known enough to pass a happy life, he starts doing exactly the same- he starts passing life instead of living it. He thinks he has learnt enough & there is not much left to learn or even if he learns more, it won't be of much use. This fallacy becomes his undoing & then on, he leads an ordinary life.

Second crucial moment comes in his life when he thinks he doesn't know much & therefore is capable to perform only few things which most of the 'normal' people perform. This is much bigger a tragedy than the first one. This stops all his development despite having a lot of potential to grow exponentially. He alone is not responsible for this state. Environment around him plays a huge role in making him think so. He doesn't listen to the outside world as a child & therefore achieves a lot. But, he is constantly advised, guided & instructed by people around him to behave like a normal person and he becomes one. What a loss! He doesn't attempt anything which might be branded outrageous for the fear of rejection. He stops accepting challenges for the fear of failure. Ultimately, he stops trusting himself.

Trust in one's abilities is the biggest attribute of a person & when it is gone, the person ceases to exist. He only breathes air, consumes food but fails to lead a meaningful life. On the contrary, if he could preserve attributes of trusting himself, his capabilities & his instinct, he would live a life of real bliss & would see miracles happening in his life every day. Trusting self is akin to trusting God & doubting self is no less a sin than doubting intention of Almighty who sent you on earth as a human being to live a life of bliss.

Showing The Path- The Right Way

The best stage of learning is considered to be childhood. It is in this stage that a human being not only learns most but also retains it for maximum period. Most of our mannerisms, our speech habits etc. are learnt in this stage. And the reason is that he is not made to learn by telling or teaching. He is not told to pick an object and he is not taught how to walk. He is shown the way to do these activities & he copies the acts to perfection. He is involved in the activity. Most of the things that he learns during childhood stick to his memory for a long time. Not that these activities are simple & easy. It is a complex issue for a child to pick the cup & take it to his lip to drink something. Most of the things that we do for the first time are complex for us because our mind is not ready for the action. It is when we get into the thick of action that mind starts learning the process & does the activity with greater ease.

Three common ways of guiding a person is by telling, by teaching & by involving him in the learning process. The objective in all the three processes is the same & almost same degree of efforts is required in all three processes. So what are the major differences & why learning by involvement yields best results? Let's take one at a time.

When we tell a child to do something, we are standing at different pedestals. As soon as I start telling him to do something, I declare that I am superior to you. And this one action takes the child miles away from the real process. He treats the teller as an outsider who is trying to disturb his natural way of learning. It might look that he is following your commands but from inside he is rejecting you. These emotions hamper his learning and he retains only part of the process that might be useful to him & rejects the rest. 

The second way of guiding a child is by teaching him. Again there is a yawning chasm between the learner & the guide. What happens in most of our schools is not learning but only collection of knowledge for some purpose. Our children become no more than a dustbin of knowledge. Through this method we only dump information into their heads. By & by, child starts taking the school as a knowledge center & not a learning center. A child listens to a teacher not because he considers him to be genuine but because he doesn't have a choice to reject him. In fact, most of the students consider internet to be a better choice than a teacher because to the former they can give command while they take commands from the later. Education is not about imparting knowledge; it is about making him find the light.

            "Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel." - Socrates

The best way of learning is through active involvement of the child. When we involve a child in the whole process, he identifies himself easily with the guide- be it a parent or a teacher. His whole body responds positively as there is no competition. Both the teacher & the learner are standing at the same platform & understand things from each other's perspective. This process lays stress on sharing. Sometimes the child considers himself to be a teacher when the guide asks him questions to test whether he has imbibed the learning. He takes joy in telling the answer in detail & because the guide is also involved, he appreciates the child. So, both the child & the guide enjoy this process. Learning becomes a matter of joy, not compulsion. And the biggest benefit is that the child not only learns what is being taught through this method but also how to be a good teacher. Since he likes the behavior of the guide, he tries to be the same & thus a flame is kindled for next generation.

    "Kids don't remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are." 

                                                                                                                      - Jim Henson

Time Out

Ever observed people on a red light? You will see most of the people waiting anxiously for the red light to turn green. So much so that they keep their vehicles on, so that they don't waste a single moment when the light turns green. Some are furious & cursing the futility of these unnecessary stoppages as they like life to be smooth & non-stop. And as soon as the light turns green, they press the gas and zoom pass the crossing. Their joy is short-lived as they meet another traffic signal and find almost same vehicles around them that they zoomed past on last crossing. They start cursing again & the journey continues. 

We are a generation with red-light mentality. Our life has a lot of similarity with traffic signal. We want to reach our destination too fast but have too little time. So, time management is a hot issue. In fact, it is not the time management but life management that needs to be addressed. Once life is managed, time will manage itself. After all, we all have 24 hours a day; you minus 8 hours of sleep & are left with 16 hours of active time to manage, or manage your life so that you make best use of these 16 hours. 

Stephen Covey, in his monumental work on time management, 'First things First', categorized people based on the way they approach life vis-a-vis time. First category is of people who are largely dependent on reminder-tools like clocks & watches. These tools are not very effective as these only work to alert the person about the job in hand; but is of not much help to perform the job efficiently. 

Second generation is of people who manage their time according to calendars and appointment books. Their goals are also set based on these and hence, never have long term goals in their life. Third generation includes people who plan, prioritize & control activities on daily basis. This method implies spending some time in clarifying values & other priorities. This method can be used to achieve daily goals. But to achieve long term life-goals one should adopt the fourth method which is being efficient & proactive in using any of the above tools. It places importance to goals & roles and plans time accordingly. 

The important thing is not to have 24 hours a day but to 'make' 24 hours a day. It is of utmost importance for all to understand four quadrant that Covey offered to plan your life. First quadrant is the quadrant of necessity which includes tasks that are important & urgent. It includes crises & dead-line driven projects. Try to manage this quadrant the best you can as you cannot afford to ignore this quadrant. Second quadrant is the quadrant of quality & personal leadership which includes tasks that are important but not urgent. This is the most important quadrant as it teaches one to be efficient & proactive but ironically, is also the most ignored quadrant. It covers areas like preparation, planning, prevention, relationships etc. We must spend most of our time in this quadrant.  It might not show immediate result but is very effective to plan life on a long term basis. Third quadrant is the quadrant of deception which is not important but looks very urgent. It includes many interruptions like unnecessary phone calls & other pressing activities. Be careful about this quadrant. These activities may appear urgent in relation to your goals but actually are not, & they consume a lot of your important time. And the fourth & last quadrant is the quadrant of waste. As the name suggests it includes tasks that are neither important nor urgent. It has a lot of trivia, gossips & other time wasters. Avoid this quadrant as much as possible. The more time you spend here, the lesser goals you achieve.

You see, it is again not managing your time but  managing the life which is important. Once we manage our life according to these quadrants, we will not only achieve our goals but will also live a relaxed life. Special thanks to Covey for bringing this to our notice; now it's our turn to implement these & enjoy the life.     

Change Your Outlook; Change Your Life

Most of the time we curse situations, people & their behavior towards us. We spoil our day just because of one odd unsavoury incidence that was not in our control.

For example, you are driving at a normal speed & a young boy overtakes giving you a wry smile as if mocking your slow driving. You take the challenge head on & press the gas. After some distance you are stopped by the traffic police & handed a ticket. You reach office late & are summoned by the boss in his cabin. You get the dressing-down from him & you decide to skip the lunch. You give vent to your anger by shouting at your secretary & have a tiff with your friend on your way home. On reaching home, you see kids watching TV as usual. You admonish them for their TV watching habit & hold your wife responsible for their behavior. She gets cross with you & shuts & goes into room banging the door on you. You have a real bad day.

Rewind the scene; you are driving at a normal speed & a car overtakes you with driver giving you a wry smile as if mocking your slow driving. You ignore him taking him to be a young boy unable to control adrenaline rush & wave at him wishing him good luck. You see a traffic police handing him a ticket for speeding. You reach office on time & get absorbed in your work. Your boss calls you in his cabin to give you a new responsibility. You thank him for showing trust on you. You are complemented by your colleagues & hugged by your friend.  You have a nice drive with your friend reminiscing about the past. You reach home and decide to  celebrate your day with your family outside. You take them to a nearby restaurant & have dinner. Your wife tells you that you are the best husband of the world. You have a real good day.

Look how your day changed with the change in your outlook. This incidence may be imaginary but something like this happens in our life day in & day out. A small innocuous trigger spoils our day & funnily most of the time the incidence is caused by others & is not in our control. The other person might have not meant what we perceived or he might have not meant the same degree that we perceived. The young boy quoted above might have only smiled but two different outlooks created two diagonally opposite scenarios. Spoiling a day is understandable but people spoil their whole life because they attach so much importance to one incidence & refuse to change their outlook. They don't realize that the person who caused the incidence might not even remember it. Who is at loss?  

Same goes true for circumstances. One man sees these as hurdles while other looks at the same as opportunities. It will be puerile to conclude that outlook changes circumstances; it doesn't. But it does change the way you react to circumstances & that makes all the difference. Whether you are standing at the beginning of a road or at the end of it depends a lot on which way you are facing.