Find Out The Way

Learning is not a science; it's an art. This is why it cannot be taught; it has to be learnt. Our learning comes much before we physically appear in this world. A child learns to survive in the womb of his mother. He survives many odds & ultimately arrives. In fact he survives in much tougher condition than a normal child would do in physical world. And when he arrives we wind a protective cover around him. The child acclimatizes himself quite fast in the new atmosphere. Most of the things he learns himself through trial & error method. He makes mistakes, learns & grows up.
He also learns a lot many things from his parents, peer group & teachers. But when he grows up, he hates being told. Not that he doesn't understand what we tell him but he finds the style quite didactic. And it is because he is a good observer too. He finds a lot of people around him telling a lot of things and practicing just the opposite. He is not confused; he is convinced- convinced that all the people who  are  trying to teach him are themselves confused.
So the best way to teach a child is to be like him. Don't teach him to be a perfect man. Teach him to be a perfect child. Throw challenges at him or throw him to challenges. Let him commit mistakes & learn through these. The more mistakes he commits, the more mature a person he becomes. Trust him; if he could survive those difficult months before you saw him in physical form, he will survive the rest of his life as well.
Ironically, most of the children become the same kinds of fathers that they don't want in their childhood. And the reason is not that he is forced to believe by being told some moral precepts but because he observes that behavior, day in & day out. He thinks it cool to oppose something in childhood and follow the same when he becomes a father. And he believes that this is the only way to be a nice father & the fallacy continues. 
If  we teach him to be a free man independent of the opinions of others, he would walk the right path. If he doesn't know the way, he will find out one!   

I m possible

Few things appear ironical but are true- the best in a man always comes out in the worst of situations. A man learns from his failures more than he does from his successes. He moves from ordinary to extraordinary by doing the impossible looking things not by acting on that appears possible. Then, why is it so that we perform more of ordinary acts than the extraordinary ones in our daily life? The answer lies in understanding the difference or similarity between Impossible & I m possible.  

When we select any goal that looks impossible or too big for our abilities, we tend to shrink it to fit it to our size. We do it so that the chances of hitting our target are 100%. And the reason behind this self-limiting thinking is that our purpose of selecting that goal is not to learn but to achieve, which is never the right approach. Another fallacy contributes to shrinking our goal size. Most of goals appear impossible in the beginning. And the usual response of human brain is to reject the impossible & embrace possible looking goals. The fact is that each goal is possible only if you give it little more effort & time than needed for an ordinary goal. Goals are not difficult or easy, our approach is soft or strong. We program our brain to accept the impossible by going for impossible goals consistently. 

In fact if someone is achieving his goals without much efforts on a regular basis, he might be underestimating his abilities. Make a realistic assessment of your skills & then select your goals. Falter on the side of  overestimating your abilities, but never underestimate your strengths. Choose something that stretches your skills & efforts to maximum. You may not achieve the goal but you will certainly learn much more than learning from achieving an ordinary goal. And remember, it is not the destination that teaches you but the journey.

One more thing, whenever you fail in any attempt, analyze what went wrong; but more importantly assess what did you learn & try to apply this learning in next & bigger goal; bigger because you have already failed successfully in a smaller effort. Sir Edmund Hillary did not stop after failing twice in his conquest. He challenged Mount Everest & said to it, 

"I will come again & conquer you because as a mountain you can't grow, but as a human, i can."

Had he shrunk the size of his goal, we would not have been talking about him here. No one knows about the maximum limit of his abilities until he stretches it to that level. You don't fail when you fall; you fail only when you fall & don't get up. And as a human being we are not programmed to fail; we are programmed to learn & succeed. 

Instead of shrinking your goals, expand your abilities. Instead of cutting down on the size of your goal, increase your effort level. Instead of listening 'impossible', listen 'i m possible', every time you choose a big goal. 

Knowledge Speaks, Wisdom Listens

We pass the lion's share of our life speaking & a very small portion listening to others. Though, in both cases, we communicate.

Primarily, we speak for two reasons; either we want to give knowledge or we want to show-off our knowledge. We want to give knowledge when we think we are better equipped to do so vis-a-vis listener. There is nothing wrong with this part of communication as long as we live up to our image. The purpose of this kind of communication should be to leave the listener in a happier state than he was before the  communication & this will only happen when he will gain something from the discussion. Every communication should lead the listener to a positive direction & should leave him in a better frame of mind. If communication has failed to do so, it is not an effective communication & should be avoided. 

Listening is always a better bargain than speaking. When we listen we are on the receiving end- receiving end of knowledge. The problem is when we are not able to decide what to listen & what not to. This happens for two reasons- First, because we don't know the purpose of our listening and secondly because we don't know how to listen. 

The purpose of listening is to be better than before mentally, spiritually & intellectually. When we control our listening with these criterion in mind, we always gain knowledge. Second hindrance in meaningful listening is not knowing how to listen. As Stephen Covey put it, 
  "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." 

When we listen with the intent to reply, we are not interested in learning but in showing-off our limited knowledge & in engaging in the game of one-upmanship. This is the cardinal mistake that most listeners commit & they are, therefore, devoid of gaining wisdom. 

But the best conversation is that a person has with self. He is a speaker as well as a listener. We should learn how to listen to our own conversation.This can be done only if we recognize our inner voice & shut out the noise of outside world. 
When we speak, we gain knowledge; when we listen, we gain wisdom; and when we listen to self, we get enlightened.

Happiness Comes At A Price

If asked from variety of people about their reason of doing a particular job, the usual answer would be-"I do it to for the security of my family." And they take pride in stating this as this statement seems to put the family first. But it actually makes him & people around him a laggard in life as far as happiness is concerned. We get the whole equation wrong simply because we don't understand the question right. Life doesn't need a security cover; it needs a happiness cover. The problem with most of us is that we confuse happiness with security. We think that we are happy as long as we are secure and the tragedy is we neither understand happiness nor security.

Happiness is not a thing but a state and therefore it cannot be had in exchange of anything. All our life we keep running after money, security, financial freedom, palatial houses, luxury cars & all other toys to make ourselves & people around us happy. The paradox is while we are adding all these items to our shopping cart, someone is swapping a credit card & debiting a large amount of happiness from our happiness bank. When we bring these items home, we also get some so called freebies like greed, ego & stress. Ironically, the more secure we feel, the more security we yearn for & we are caught in a vicious cycle. 

This happens because we also misunderstand security. In the beginning we work for our basic needs but once we have it, we swiftly move to ultra-luxury items & never stop. Initially, having our basic necessities have some bearing on our happiness index, but once we reach to a certain level, hoarding these things doesn't affect our state of happiness. In fact, it takes a lot away from us & only gives us pain. What we should understand is that security is nothing but our ability to perform a particular job. As long as we are adequate to do a job we should not worry about security- financial or social. Instead of hoarding money and toys, one should hoard skills & talents. 

Remember, happiness also comes at a price & the price is your abnegation of all material pursuits. This is not to say that we don't need some basic necessities but what we don't need is mindless hoarding of luxuries at the cost of happiness. 

Ridicule, Opposition, Acceptance

When we take a stand which is not in line with the stand of majority of people, we are tentative & nervous. Most of the time we start looking outward instead of looking inward. We hear the voices which are asking us to take a popular stand. And more often than not we succumb to the outside pressure. The same thing happens with any new idea. It passes through three stages. 

First & most of all our idea is not taken earnestly. We are made fun of for thinking out of the box. Most of the time we succumb to people ridiculing our idea that looks strange to them from the word go. To be very frank, their behavior is not very strange. It is a human tendency to mock anything which is weird. And in the first look, any new idea seems weird. They don't laugh at your stupidity; they laugh at their own. They believe in the theory that if it is not done before now, it cannot be done now as well; if it is not done by them, it cannot be done by any other human being. Ridicule by others is in fact a signal that your idea is fresh and different.

The second stage is opposition. Most of the ideas get killed at the stage one. But if by any chance they survive the ridicule of people around them, they face a stiff opposition from cynics around them. People oppose the idea because it might cause an aberration in their set routine. Because it might force them to change not only their behavior but also their lifestyle. Any change is difficult to adopt. You may be considered a social outcast for your weird ideas. But, keep marching not for your idea but for the change that your idea might bring in your life and in the lives of others.

And if you succeed to cross the second hurdle, you will have the world at your feet. They will applaud you for the same ideas that they ridiculed & opposed. They will accept the idea not because they liked it but because you left them with no other option but to accept it.

It is a pity that most of the ideas die at a nascent stage not because the father of the idea doubts it, but because someone else who has no inkling of the idea is cynical about it. So, the next time you drop a brilliant idea check whether you are dropping the idea because of your own inhibition about it or because of some outside pressure. Remember, if you don't give a shape to your idea, someone else at some other place will do so.   

The Ecstasy Of Living

When we start any journey, we do it in right earnest. We begin it because we trust our intuition  about it. Journey towards life of truth is no different. We cannot venture on the path of righteousness if we don't have a firm belief. 

We can divide people into four categories as far as walking the path of truth is concerned . 

First category of people are those who don't know what is the right way of living. These people can only be pitied as they never come in contact of people who have experienced the joy of righteous living. They only believe in materialistic pleasures which are transient but they are not aware about this fact. One day these people get converted into things & either wear out or rust out. They only pass this planet without experiencing life. 

Second category of people are those who know the path to truth but refuse to accept it as they consider it to be strewn with hindrances and hardships. They pretend as if they never knew this path and pass their life without realizing that they were not living but only breathing. They miss life by a long margin. And by the time they get to know about the joy of living it is already too late. 

Third category of people are those who know the path & start the journey too. They also know the obstacles that they might meet along the path. They still embark upon the journey because they know the bliss of righteous living. The only problem with these kinds of people is that when they come face to face with problems they go down fighting & refuse to go all the way. They are the most unfortunate of souls. They got the life but could never enjoy it. They miss life by a whisker. 

The fourth category of people are the blessed souls. They not only know the path & the bliss that it brings along but also the hardships that they might encounter on the way. They don't start the journey for some reward. They know the reward of truthful living is the life itself. They live every moment of their life to the fullest. Their stoical acceptance of all pain makes their life a memorable experience. They attain nirvana along the path & leave their mark on the path for others to follow. And most importantly, they experience the ecstasy of living !     

Listen To Your Conscience

The sweetest voice for a person should always be his inner voice. It is this voice that guides him towards what ought to be done. It separates right from the wrong; wheat from the chaff; extraordinary from the ordinary. Listen to your intuition. If prayer is you talking to God, your intuition is God talking to you. Your inner voice works like a torch works in gloom. So, keep it on, always.

But sometimes we have two inner voices. While one is your conscience, pure & sublime, the other is its opponent which is false. It doesn't want you to follow what your real voice instructs. It wants you to do just the reverse.

So, the million dollar question is how to differentiate between the two voices. How do I know whether the voice that is speaking right now is the devil or pure conscience ? Remember, a pure voice is soft, benevolent  & forgiving. It doesn't even know the words like harm, hate or revenge. It speaks the language of love. It cries when someone is pained. Try to listen to the voice which has these characteristics.

Another way of distinguishing good conscience from the bad one is to understand the style of their suggestions. A pure voice has a guiding & enabling style. Therefore it suggests you to do something which makes you better in some respect or the other. It tells you what 'you can' not 'what you cant'.

One more characteristic of language of pure conscience is that it is all including. It does not differentiate between human beings of different color, creed or nationality. It guides us in the direction which is good for all; not for a small section of society. So, it does away with the concept of enemy & ego. It believes in a world which is devoid of enemies & believes in the concept of love for all & malice towards none. Pure conscience doesn't divide or create boundaries; it unites people, communities, nations & races. 

Once you learn to recognize the pure conscience, second step is to silence the voice which is disabling, limiting &, therefore, impure. Do opposite of what it says. If it says walk to South, start heading North. If it challenges you to do anything, take the challenge & do it with all your might. After a while, you will notice that it stops talking to you because you are not taking its orders. You only listen to the pure conscience & once you do it, the world will be all yours.

Also learn to talk to your inner voice. Ask it questions like, "what should i do in this situation", or, "what is good for all" & it will supply with the right answers. There is no better way to live; this is the way !