Stand And Stare

There are many ways to live life but two very good ones to live life to the fullest are-

1- From the perspective of time it should be lived in moments not years.

2-From the perspective of things it should be lived observing the minute details of things of beauty around you.

Many people don't even realize that they pass their life without even knowing what they are doing. They are always complaining about paucity of time. Actually, they are right to some extent because time really moves fast if life is lived in days & years. On the other hand when life is lived in moments, the time stands still & waits for the person until he has enjoyed that moment to the fullest. The moment only cares for the person who cares for it. The fact is that for most of the people moment is the least important unit of time & that is why moments fly past them & so do days, years & a lifetime. The important thing to remember is that life can only be lived in moments; in years it can only be passed. And by the time we realize that, it is  already too late. The common regret of people at the end of their life is that they could not enjoy life the way they were supposed to. If asked to replay the best part of their life, they would surely replay some wonderful moments; not years. We don't remember years; we remember only moments- isn't it a big enough proof to justify this point?

          "The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough."

                                                                                         - Rabindranath Tagore

Another way of living the life is by observing the fine details of the creations of God. The blade of grass holds the whole universe on its tip, only if we stand & stare. The magic is in the obvious not in the hidden. But we pass our whole life collecting the toys & ignoring the art of the Supreme Painter. One reason why we miss the obvious is that we think there is something which is beyond our purview. We forget that we are the best creation of God & are entitled to admire all His creations. 

The life has no meaning if we don't have moments to stand & stare this abundant supply of beauty spread all around us. Observe the minutest of details of things of beauty & enjoy the vastness of universe, or else, regret  not doing so at the end of your life.

Defining Pain & Pleasure

Our life is entirely dependent on the way we use pain & pleasure in our life. We fail because we overreact to our pleasures & pain. We falter in life when we let these emotions rule us. We cant wish them away but we can surely use them to our advantage. We should know the way to define pleasure & pain in our life.

When we indulge in any habit which is detrimental to our physical or spiritual existence, we should immediately associate it with a lot of pain. When we do so, our mind receives the signal of rejection and starts behaving accordingly. It sends back the signal to whole body not to accept the activity & you stop indulging in the same. On the contrary  when you don't associate it with pain, mind accepts it as a routine activity & it becomes the part of your daily routine. Your body is tuned in to follow the patterns of that habit. Any break in patterns is not accepted by the body & you feel discomfort and want to indulge in it anyhow. The same pattern is followed when you don't associate pain with failures- body receives it as a routine thing & you become accustomed to failures.

Similarly, if you associate any good habit to extreme pleasure, you will adopt this habit as an integral part of your life. For example, if you associate your getting up early & going for a walk with a lot of pleasure & you imagine yourself as leading a very healthy life because of this habit, your mind will force you to go for a walk daily irrespective of the circumstances outside. 

So, pain & pleasure are nothing but mediums to write the story of your life. The only way to be hugely successful & lead a meaningful life is to understand what is right for you & what harms you in the long run & associate it with pain or pleasure to your advantage.   

Controlling The Self

We spend better part of our life controlling others, forgetting that we have someone so close to us who needs to be controlled. Control over outer world may give us false feeling that we are powerful but control over self gives the real inner strength. When we try to control others, we come across rejection & resistance but when we control the self we experience love & harmony. Controlling others demand subjugation; controlling self means acceptance. 

 Another notable fact is that control over others is dependent on external factors, therefore is transient.Control over self is permanent as it is not dependent on any external source. This is why there is much struggle in controlling others. It is not about winning hearts, it is about winning people, anyhow. And when people fail to defeat others, they, themselves feel defeated. Controlling self is win-win; controlling others is lose-lose because it might seem that you have won over them with power or money, but the fact remains that they be with you only for some time & desert you as soon as the factor controlling them goes away.

Another interesting fact is that once you control the self, other controls will appear so hollow that you would not like to exercise these. You feel the world within you & don't feel the need to win anything & anyone.

Light The Lamp Of Positive Thoughts

Light travels fast but thoughts travel faster than light. The purpose of life is not only to light the lamp of inspired thoughts but also to show others the right path. There are two ways to do that; first, by lighting billion lamps yourself; and secondly, by lighting your lamp & inspiring others to light their's to illuminate the world. One reason that we see darkness all around us is that we live in constant fear of the same & curse it without realizing that we can remove it simply by lighting a lamp. 

When we inspire others with our positive thoughts, we are the biggest beneficiary for before we inspire others, we ourselves get motivated. A dead man cannot light the lamp of inspired thoughts. You need to be full of life to give life to others. Another positive thing is that we get ourselves a positive image & try to live up to it. Even if you have to force yourself to think positive & conceive all positive outcomes, do it without hesitation. It is always a better bargain to think of positive outcomes than to think of negative. Initially, it might feel like a forced effort but, by & by, you will get accustomed to it. Our mind only walks in the direction which we illuminate through our thoughts. If our way is filled with positive thoughts & possibilities, it will walk that path & if our path is strewn with negative thoughts & impossibilities, it will walk the same. And once you know the path, show it to others; once your world is illuminated, show the light to others because you are of the world & the whole world is yours.

So, instead of living in a gloomy place, light the lamp of positive thoughts and observe the change!  

Enlightenment Vs Knowledge

We spend large part of our life in quest of knowledge. From our early childhood, we are taught to gather knowledge to be successful in life. We learn that two & two make four & all other facts about different subjects. While we are taught all this, we are never told why we are learning these facts or what is the use of these facts. And because we don't have much wisdom, we also fail to ask these questions from our mentors. When we get enough knowledge, some of us learn to ask questions from others & from self. And in the process we also learn the use of knowledge that we gathered over the years. Not necessarily, we find all the facts useful now. So, while knowledge is about gathering answers, wisdom is about asking questions.

But the most important step is to reach enlightenment. When we ask questions from others we know the answers & we start knowing others as well and in the process we gather wisdom. When we ask questions from the self, we get enlightenment. It is in this process that we know the self & know the world around us in a better way.

If we observe the pattern of reaching enlightenment( if one succeeds in reaching to that level), it is knowledge first, wisdom next & enlightenment last. And here, lies the crux of the problem. By the time one reaches the stage of enlightenment, one has spent large part of one's life pursuing something which now seems meaningless. A child is essentially an enlightened soul simply because he doesn't know the facts; hence he doesn't believe in boundaries. It is when he makes borders of knowledge around himself that he gets into a trap & is caught in the rut. 

If we let the child make the choice he will choose questions over answers- means he will either choose wisdom or enlightenment first. Knowledge will be the last in his priority list. By reversing the process he will have major part of his life spent for the right purpose & will live his life in the right earnest. If he knows self first, he will be well placed to know others. So, our emphasis as adults should be to encourage & guide him to know the self rather than encouraging him to gather knowledge. But the most important question is- Are we enlightened to let him follow this process ?  

Everything Is Real

Everything takes shape twice- first in our mind & then in the real world. There is hardly anything that materialized before being imagined. Then, why is it so that people don't believe imagination to be so powerful or don't use this power?

One reason is that it looks a bit phoney or unreal. It looks unreal until you experience its power. Most of the inventions in the world took place not in the labs but in the imaginative minds of otherwise ordinary people. What looked beyond the realms appeared quite doable once it took shape. These people became great because they used their imagination to think the unthinkable & thus did the undoable. They appeared foolish & their ideas absurd before they found the same things that they had imagined taking place in the real world. Einstein remarked,

                         "If at first, the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it."

At first, any imaginative idea sounds absurd to others & even to you but that does not warrant its failure.  On the contrary, more absurd an idea is, better are the chances of its success. This is what imagination does- it converts absurd into superb, unreal into real & undoable into doable!

Another reason people don't use their imaginative power is that they are not trained to use it.  On the contrary, from his early childhood a child is taught to follow the unsaid rules, do what is being told & not to try anything which looks out of box. Our education system teaches us to be disciplined, to carry out the orders. By the time a child grows up, he becomes slave to a system that discourages use of power of imagination. Hence, a large population remains deprived of a wonderful gift given by God to His children. 

All the miracles become real once we start working on this power. Our real magic comes out when we start imagining anything that looks impossible & start working towards achieving it. World will be more wonderful a place if a man is taught from his childhood to only do which has not been done, to think what looks impossible & to go for what looks highly improbable to achieve to an ordinary soul. One of the most imaginative souls of our age Einstein had this to offer  on reality & miracle,

"There are two ways to live your life.

  One is as though nothing is a miracle.

  The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Smile Please

Most of our emotions precede certain reactions by our body. For example, when we are angry, we scowl at people; when sad; we tend to go into depression. Similarly, when we are happy, we laugh or smile a lot. But, the opposite of same is also true; many of our actions lead to varied emotions. Don't believe it? Do the following exercise for firsthand experience- if you are in a good mood & having a good time, just drop your shoulders & put your hands on your forehead as if something bad is about to take place. Think of something that gave you a lot of pain & observe what happens. Your body will read the action & will command your mind to change the emotion. All of a sudden, you start going into depression and a mood of melancholy descends on you in no time. This further reminds you of more such incidents of past; and a vicious cycle sets in.

Thoughts play an important role in setting the tone for the day. But, the problem with thoughts is that they are difficult to control as a large number of thoughts pass through our mind daily. So, what is the alternative? Control your emotions by controlling your actions. Observe the posture of your body when you are angry. Is it a relaxed posture or a tight one? Of course, your body is in an upright posture; your heart beat is more than normal & if you are speaking, your pitch is high. Now, do the opposite- sit down, take a deep breath & try to divert your attention away from the matter that is making you angry. If possible, listen to some soothing song or play with your pet & try to smile. You will definitely feel some change in a positive direction. While you cannot change the situation that is making you angry, you can surely bring a change in your actions & thus, in your emotions.

Don’t smile only when you are happy; try to smile to make yourself happy even in a depressing environment. It can be the source of your permanent joy. This curve will certainly set a lot of things straight! 

Live Your Life

The tragedy of life is not that we only live once, the tragedy is not realizing that this is our only chance to live. We pass our life as if we are in hurry & have many jobs to finish. The fact is that as a human being, we have only one business to deal with and that is to live. But that doesn't come naturally to people and one reason is that they have no experience in the same. They hide behind the fact that they have just arrived & that they are novice and they are learning tricks of the trade and many such excuses. We forget that a child is also inexperienced but he knows how to live. He doesn't become the slave of life. He becomes a student & a master at the same time.

When we have passed certain period of our life, we start having some kind of regret of not living life full size. And when that happens, our whole life flashes before us. We go into some kind of a flash back, replaying all the scenes from different periods of our life. But we don't have plenty to watch. The scenes that generally flash are our personal milestones, our professional successes, people who wronged us or the other way round.

But we miss something. We miss scenes of appreciating life, contributing to lives around us or making a difference in the lives of others. Then we realize that life is not about winning some trophies or collecting some toys; it is about living the moments, loving others and reading the messages that it throws towards us. Unfortunately, we don't care for these not-so-urgent but important acts & when we realize we have already directed major part of that movie called life. And the worst part it that it cannot be edited now. What is lived, cannot be unlived.

So, the best way is to live every moment of it so that when you watch your own movie, you scream with joy- 

                                                     "I have lived."

Listening To Your Conscience

The sweetest voice for a person should always be his inner voice. It is this voice that guides him towards what ought to be done. It separates right from the wrong; wheat from the chaff; extraordinary from the ordinary. Listen to your intuition. If prayer is you talking to God, your intuition is God talking to you. Your inner voice works like a torch works in gloom. So, keep it on, always.

But sometimes we have two inner voices. While one is your conscience, pure & sublime, the other is its opponent which is false. It doesn't want you to follow what your real voice instructs. It wants you to do just the reverse.

So, the million dollar question is how to differentiate between the two voices. How do I know whether the voice that is speaking right now is the devil or pure conscience ? Remember, a pure voice is soft, benevolent  & forgiving. It doesn't even know the words like harm, hate or revenge. It speaks the language of love. It cries when someone is pained. Try to listen to the voice which has these characteristics.

Another way of distinguishing good conscience from the bad one is to understand the style of their suggestions. A pure voice has a guiding & enabling style. Therefore it suggests you to do something which makes you better in some respect or the other. It tells you what 'you can' not 'what you cant'.

One more characteristic of language of pure conscience is that it is all including. It does not differentiate between human beings of different color, creed or nationality. It guides us in the direction which is good for all; not for a small section of society. So, it does away with the concept of enemy & ego. It believes in a world which is devoid of enemies & believes in the concept of love for all & malice towards none. Pure conscience doesn't divide or create boundaries; it unites people, communities, nations & races. 

Once you learn to recognize the pure conscience, second step is to silence the voice which is disabling, limiting &, therefore, impure. Do opposite of what it says. If it says walk to South, start heading North. If it challenges you to do anything, take the challenge & do it with all your might. After a while, you will notice that it stops talking to you because you are not taking its orders. You only listen to the pure conscience & once you do it, the world will be all yours.

Also learn to talk to your inner voice. Ask it questions like, "what should i do in this situation", or, "what is good for all" & it will supply with the right answers. There is no better way to live; this is the way !

Change The Way You Look At Things

Most of the time we curse situations, people & their behavior towards us. We spoil our day just because of one odd unsavory incidence that was not in our control.

For example, you are driving at a normal speed & a young boy overtakes giving you a wry smile as if mocking your slow driving. You take the challenge head on & press the gas. After some distance you are stopped by the traffic police & handed a ticket. You reach office late & are summoned by the boss in his cabin. You get the dressing-down from him & you decide to skip the lunch. You give vent to your anger by shouting at your secretary & have a tiff with your friend on your way home. On reaching home, you see kids watching TV as usual. You admonish them for their TV watching habit & hold your wife responsible for their behavior. She gets cross with you & shuts & goes into room banging the door on you. You have a real bad day.

Rewind the scene; you are driving at a normal speed & a car overtakes you with driver giving you a wry smile as if mocking your slow driving. You ignore him taking him to be a young boy unable to control adrenaline rush & wave at him wishing him good luck. You see a traffic police handing him a ticket for speeding. You reach office on time & get absorbed in your work. Your boss calls you in his cabin to give you a new responsibility. You thank him for showing trust on you. You are complemented by your colleagues & hugged by your friend.  You have a nice drive with your friend reminiscing about the past. You reach home and decide to  celebrate your day with your family outside. You take them to a nearby restaurant & have dinner. Your wife tells you that you are the best husband of the world. You have a real good day.

Look how your day changed with the change in your outlook. This incidence may be imaginary but something like this happens in our life day in & day out. A small innocuous trigger spoils our day & funnily most of the time the incidence is caused by others & is not in our control. The other person might have not meant what we perceived or he might have not meant the same degree that we perceived. The young boy quoted above might have only smiled but two different outlooks created two diagonally opposite scenarios. Spoiling a day is understandable but people spoil their whole life because they attach so much importance to one incidence & refuse to change their outlook. They don't realize that the person who caused the incidence might not even remember it. Who is at loss?  

Same goes true for circumstances. One man sees these as hurdles while other looks at the same as opportunities. It will be puerile to conclude that outlook changes circumstances; it doesn't. But it does change the way you react to circumstances & that makes all the difference. Whether you are standing at the beginning of a road or at the end of it depends a lot on which way you are facing.

Secret Of A Happy Family

Few questions for all family members -

1) When was the last time you actively watched a cartoon serial with your kids? Actively means you discussed the characters & their funny acts.

2) When was it that you gave a surprise to your spouse? Not necessarily a big surprise in terms of size or cost but in terms of pleasant shock value. 

3) When was the last time you hugged your mother tight & said to her, "You are the best mom of the world."?

4) When was the last time you did something for your father that he always wanted you to do for him but you hated the job?

5) How many times you praise one another in a day?

6) When was the last time that you cancelled all your important appointments because your child insisted you to be with him? 

7) Do you eat together, pray together, go for a walk together or do any such activity?     (Watching TV together is the worst way to spend time together.)

The answers of the above mentioned questions will decide whether you are a happy family or not. Someone may contest the argument saying these are all bookish things and have no impact on family happiness index. He may say that I do none of these but we go for movie or for parent-teacher meeting, watch TV together for two hours daily, or we attend many parties together & we are quite happy. By doing these activities you may seem happy but your happiness is not real or is short-lived. You are happy as long as the activity is on but the moment activity is over, your happiness is gone. 

So, the question is, "What are the big things that make big difference in improving our family happiness index?" The answer is, "None." Yes, it is not the big things that make a big difference, but the small ones. Your son would have cherished the moment more when you prepared a cup of tea early morning for him during his exam than when you bought him a big gift. No doubt, he will remember the later one as well but only if it is combined with compassion & has some surprise element. He would not remember it if he insisted on it & you had no other option but to buy it for him. This is why surprise element is a big factor in improving family happiness index. This is the most important but the most ignored factor. 

Another way of improving happiness index is to create some magic moments. What is magic? It is doing something which is unexpected, pleasant to see & defies logic. Do the same with your family members & the more you do it, happier your family gets. One example of magic moment can be stopping a car by the road side all of a sudden & buying a rose bud for your daughter or for your wife to express your love for her. Remember, it has to be unexpected & pleasant. Again, value of the gift would be measured not by the cost but by the surprise element.

One more way to make a family happy is to share & communicate. It is surprising how much this small tip can shift your family life. Find some time to have a light conversation, crack a joke or tell them some inspiring story. Many a time we confuse communication with gossiping. Constructive conversation is about self while gossiping is about others.
In terms of setting priorities for life, family should always top the list. Many a time, I hear people saying I do everything for my family. It is a fallacy; an excuse to hide one's failure to give due attention to family. You don't need to sacrifice your life for your family; you only need to give them some magic moments & trust me, they will remember those moments for whole of their life & would love you no end.

Failure Inspires

When we undertake a task, we have only two options. Either we come out with flying colors or we bite the dust. Both can have far reaching ramifications. If we succeed we may feel motivated to start something new. It can give us confidence to do things which we would hesitate to imagine in ordinary circumstances. On the other hand success can make you arrogant & cocky. Ironically, many a time success can be the cause of a huge failure. 

Similarly, failing is a funny business. It can depress you so much that you go into a shell & lose all faith in your capabilities. It can hurt you badly & leave you wounded forever. Most of the people forget that failure is only one of the results that shows up for a particular action of theirs. In fact, failure teaches you more than success does. Failure is a sure shot way to grow, provided we accept failures in right spirit. 

Whether you become a loser or a winner in life will largely depend upon how you handle failures. And more importantly how you handle yourself when you fail. If you take failing only as a result, you will learn from it. But if you take failure as a serious issue & take it to heart, it can ruin you. We don't fall to remain on the ground forever; similarly, we don't fail to be in that state for long. Like falling teaches you  to walk, failing teaches you to succeed. But tragedy is that people take failure in any enterprise as a permanent comment on their capabilities. The fact is that a temporary failure tells you about your current status; it doesn't comment on your future prospects. Your future prospects will depend upon your future standing in that field which largely depend upon your current preparations for future challenges. 

It is not the failure that fails you in life; it is your response to the failure that decides your fate. And remember, if you are not encountering enough failures in your life, you are not having big enough goals. And small goals only give small results & lead to an average life. 

Happiness Is Within

One of the major aims of human life is to be happy. And the irony is the more we go after it, the farther it gets from us. We look for happiness in our bank balance, in a palatial house, in a luxury car. And more often than not, these very things rob us of whatever happiness we had before possessing these. How many times you have heard people saying," I was happier when I was not a rich man."? Why is it so that things which were supposed to bring joy attract untold miseries into our life? And the answer is because we misunderstand happiness.

All our life we chase happiness assuming it to be a thing, not an emotion. Things can give you comfort, they may bring security into your life, these may attract more people into your life; but things cannot bring happiness if you don't share these with others. Our basic instinct with things is that of hoarding, not of sharing. We think, the more things we collect, the happier we will get. In fact, it is the other way round. The more things we share, the more joy we attract into our life. Because, when we share things, we also send the emotions of happiness towards the other person. And the gratitude that he shows for the gift that he gets brings double joy in our life. 

Another thing to remember about happiness is that happiness of another person is essential to our own. It is as contagious as sadness is. You cannot feel happy if people around you are gloomy. How many times it happens that you are in a jolly mood & you hear the news of some natural disaster or some accident that brings misery to other people, you too go into depression? The disaster might have taken place on the other side of the globe & it has no bearing on your life but it affects you badly. It is because emotions don't know barriers or boundaries; they travel faster than light & affect all who come in contact. 

All the happiness that we presume to have got from success vanishes into thin air the moment we face another failure. It is because this happiness doesn't come from within; it originates from an outside source. So, the moment that source goes away, happiness also goes with it. Real happiness comes from within & flows out. If a person is really happy, people around him start feeling happy. They don't have negative emotions like jealousy, want, greed etc. They also want to be as happy as the other person but not at the cost of his happiness. Like water, happiness also flows from higher source to the lower. So, if you are happier than others, you should be making people around you happier. And you will also bathe in their reflected happiness!

Red Light Mentality

Ever observed people on a red light? You will see most of the people waiting anxiously for the red light to turn green. So much so that they keep their vehicles on, so that they don't waste a single moment when the light turns green. Some are furious & cursing the futility of these unnecessary stoppages as they like life to be smooth & non-stop. And as soon as the light turns green, they press the gas and zoom pass the crossing. Their joy is short-lived as they meet another traffic signal and find almost same vehicles around them that they zoomed past on last crossing. They start cursing again & the journey continues. 

We are a generation with red-light mentality. Our life has a lot of similarity with traffic signal. We want to reach our destination too fast but have too little time. So, time management is a hot issue. In fact, it is not the time management but life management that needs to be addressed. Once life is managed, time will manage itself. After all, we all have 24 hours a day; you minus 8 hours of sleep & are left with 16 hours of active time to manage, or manage your life so that you make best use of these 16 hours. 

Stephen Covey, in his monumental work on time management, 'First things First', categorized people based on the way they approach life vis-a-vis time. First category is of people who are largely dependent on reminder-tools like clocks & watches. These tools are not very effective as these only work to alert the person about the job in hand; but is of not much help to perform the job efficiently. 

Second generation is of people who manage their time according to calendars and appointment books. Their goals are also set based on these and hence, never have long term goals in their life. Third generation includes people who plan, prioritize & control activities on daily basis. This method implies spending some time in clarifying values & other priorities. This method can be used to achieve daily goals. But to achieve long term life-goals one should adopt the fourth method which is being efficient & proactive in using any of the above tools. It places importance to goals & roles and plans time accordingly. 

The important thing is not to have 24 hours a day but to 'make' 24 hours a day. It is of utmost importance for all to understand four quadrant that Covey offered to plan your life. First quadrant is the quadrant of necessity which includes tasks that are important & urgent. It includes crises & dead-line driven projects. Try to manage this quadrant the best you can as you cannot afford to ignore this quadrant. Second quadrant is the quadrant of quality & personal leadership which includes tasks that are important but not urgent. This is the most important quadrant as it teaches one to be efficient & proactive but ironically, is also the most ignored quadrant. It covers areas like preparation, planning, prevention, relationships etc. We must spend most of our time in this quadrant.  It might not show immediate result but is very effective to plan life on a long term basis. Third quadrant is the quadrant of deception which is not important but looks very urgent. It includes many interruptions like unnecessary phone calls & other pressing activities. Be careful about this quadrant. These activities may appear urgent in relation to your goals but actually are not, & they consume a lot of your important time. And the fourth & last quadrant is the quadrant of waste. As the name suggests it includes tasks that are neither important nor urgent. It has a lot of trivia, gossips & other time wasters. Avoid this quadrant as much as possible. The more time you spend here, the lesser goals you achieve.

You see, it is again not managing your time but  managing the life which is important. Once we manage our life according to these quadrants, we will not only achieve our goals but will also live a relaxed life. Special thanks to Covey for bringing this to our notice; now it's our turn to implement these & enjoy the life.     

Work Your Way To Success

The quote, "The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary", has been attributed to many people including Mark Twain, Vince Lombardi & Vidal Sassoon. But it doesn't matter now as they all passed the same message, though in different words. One thing that each human being craves for is the desire to be successful in a particular field. Sometimes, he wants success so badly that he is ready to stake his existence for the same. Achieving success in life has many secret formulas but one that is known to all but practised by a few is hard work. People want to get everything in life without giving it everything. They want to reach their destination on time without driving at required speed. 

There is no doubt that there are many other essential ingredients of success formula e.g. a strong vision, short term & long term goals or will to succeed. We can't reach anywhere if we don't know our destination or if we don't have a will to go. It will be no more than daydreaming. You also need to have a strong plan to reach your destination. As The French writer, Antoine de Saint said in very succinct style, " A goal without a plan is just a wish." So, you need all these & many more factors to succeed in any enterprise. But one thing that is indispensable to success is hard work.

Hard work is the key which more often than not opens the lock of gate to success. People at times choose huge goals only to find themselves staring at failure after some time. The reason of their failure is not their huge goals but that they did not put in efforts equivalent to the size of their goals. There comes a time in your life when everyone else seems to be luckier than you. You think that others get much better result with almost no effort & you, despite putting your best foot forward don't get the deserving result. The fact is that you only see the output. You cannot comment on the input simply because you don't see it. The guy who looks so relaxed in the morning might be the same guy who burnt midnight oil.

Not necessarily, a person will get success in the first go. He may fall hundred times but if he gets up hundred & one times, he will eventually succeed. As Babe Ruth puts it, " It is hard to beat a person who never gives up". A person who gives his maximum to whatever he undertakes is bound to meet success unimagined in common hours.

Shop Right

If asked from variety of people about their reason of doing a particular job, the usual answer would be-"I do it to for the security of my family." And they take pride in stating this as this statement seems to put the family first. But it actually makes him & people around him a laggard in life as far as happiness is concerned. We get the whole equation wrong simply because we don't understand the question right. Life doesn't need a security cover; it needs a happiness cover. The problem with most of us is that we confuse happiness with security. We think that we are happy as long as we are secure and the tragedy is we neither understand happiness nor security.

Happiness is not a thing but a state and therefore it cannot be had in exchange of anything. All our life we keep running after money, security, financial freedom, palatial houses, luxury cars & all other toys to make ourselves & people around us happy. The paradox is while we are adding all these items to our shopping cart, someone is swapping a credit card & debiting a large amount of happiness from our happiness bank. When we bring these items home, we also get some so called freebies like greed, ego & stress. Ironically, the more secure we feel, the more security we yearn for & we are caught in a vicious cycle. 

This happens because we also misunderstand security. In the beginning we work for our basic needs but once we have it, we swiftly move to ultra-luxury items & never stop. Initially, having our basic necessities have some bearing on our happiness index, but once we reach to a certain level, hoarding these things doesn't affect our state of happiness. In fact, it takes a lot away from us & only gives us pain. What we should understand is that security is nothing but our ability to perform a particular job. As long as we are adequate to do a job we should not worry about security- financial or social. Instead of hoarding money and toys, one should hoard skills & talents. 

Remember, happiness also comes at a price & the price is your abnegation of all material pursuits. This is not to say that we don't need some basic necessities but what we don't need is mindless hoarding of luxuries at the cost of happiness. 

Flow Like A River

We are a generation in hurry. We live as if we have to reach somewhere & we don't have enough time. The problem is not that we don't have time but that we don't know where we are heading to. We start our journey in a calmed manner but as we grow up, we build a red-light mentality. 

Red light is a wonderful idea to control traffic. It also helps you take some rest, rejuvenate, observe what is happening on the road & start your journey afresh once you get the green signal. But, if you see people at a red light, you will observe that no one wants to take a halt, breathe easy or notice what is happening around. In fact, people are more tense at a red-light; they fume over 'unnecessary' break; swear & get more stressed than they were before the break. Many of them keep the engine of the vehicle on despite the fact that they have to stay there for a certain time. They burn the fuel even when they are stationary. How funny !

Compare the same with people who have red-light mentality. They start the journey with great enthusiasm. They have their eyes on the destination & want to reach there at the earliest. The problem is that they only go through the motions & don't notice the scene around. They forget that they will reach the destination anyhow; it is the journey that they should enjoy. And when they reach their destination, they have momentary pleasure but they get stressed-out & want to take a break. But now hurried life gets the better of them & they find it hard to break the routine. How silly !

Living can be learnt best from a river flowing calmly. It is not in a hurry as it knows it will reach there someday. Not that its journey is all hunky-dory but it doesn't fight the hindrances but flows over these & these obstacles become part of it, adding to its beauty. It enjoys the journey without worrying about the destination. In fact, its only destination is 'now'; this moment & it refuses to live beyond that. How natural !

If you want to enjoy your life instead of passing it, flow like a river. Be calm in every situation. Don't hurry thinking that you have only one life. Enjoy because you have only one life. Don't struggle, don't complain. Go with the flow & enjoy this journey called life. Consider each obstacle an integral part of your life. It has come to teach you, to make you better, not to stop you. Live in 'now' as this is all that you have. How satisfying !     

Aging Differently

Aging is a natural process but aging beautifully is not natural. It requires some efforts so that we don't get old; we grow old. The difference between human beings & people can be summed up in our description of aging. While things decay, human beings grow. Then, why is it so that people don't want to age? They want to enjoy their salad days up to the maximum. They don't want wrinkles on their faces, stumble in their walk & shake in their voice. The reason for it is that they connect aging only with physical symptoms. 

Describing aging in physical terms is like comparing human beings with things. Things may wear out or rust out but humans grow old & grow wise. If we look out for some of the positive manifestation of aging, we will welcome it with open arms. In the prime of his life, a man is a bundle of energy. He wants to achieve a lot & be the best in the field that he chooses. He has a carefree attitude & tries his hands at everything. He fails many times before he tastes success. He cheats many & is duped by a large number of people. He is aggressive, industrious & a go-getter. Most of these are the positive traits & suits the persona of a young man trying to do well in life. But the problem starts when he wants to be successful by any means. His ends justify his means & he justifies the ends that he wants to meet. He starts compromising with his character, family & self. He succeeds in life & pays a heavy price for this success, but he doesn't seem to mind until he sees some grey hair on his head or a wrinkle on his face. Suddenly, he realizes that he is getting old & starts his count down.

The day he realizes that his years are numbered now, his whole mental make-up transforms. He becomes mature, satiated & sympathetic towards others. He starts looking at others with a different mindset. He doesn't want to only achieve but wants to give as well. From material possessions, he moves to nature. Not only he wants to have things but also to enjoy them. He feels blessed in many ways. He becomes spiritual, forgiving & benevolent. He loves, lives & wants to leave a legacy. This is not to deny some physical manifestation of his aging like hair-fall, a weaker body & drop in energy level. But the fact remains that old age has more to do with mind than with body. If we accept it gracefully, we will see it more as a blessing than as a curse. We will see it as arriving at a more beautiful & satisfying place, rather than seeing it as a departure stage.

If only we could learn to live our life in reverse order- starting with the grace of old age, moving to our vibrant youth & becoming a child to go back to the infinite that we came from ! 

First Class

Most of our life we try to achieve hard what others have achieved, to be what others look like & to copy what most others do. In the process we lose our own identity which by far is our most precious possession. We live in a world full of copy-cats & also-rans. But there are few who don't belong to this category. They are different in their approach & that is the reason they are different in their achievements. 

There is nothing wrong in modeling your life after someone who has been a success in some field. In fact, this is one of the secrets of a successful life. Following someone is not bad as long as we don't lose our own style. Choosing someone as a role-model is altogether a different proposition. A role model inspires you while someone you copy kills you. We start valuing the person more than we value ourselves. If we don't value self, we don't value anything that belongs to us-our time, our relationship, our uniqueness & most importantly our self-esteem. The other problem with this kind of life is that we become what others want us to be. In short, we give control of our life to others. The world is continuously trying to make us someone else & the real achievement is to resist the pressure of the external world & listen to the voice of the world inside you. Emerson said it quite succinctly when he declared, 

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When we try to copy someone, we kill all our creative & intellectual resources. We start seeing the world from the eyes of someone else. And after a prolonged exposure to someone else's vision, we start living his life. We think & act on the commands of others. We become the genie in the lamp that has immense powers but can't do anything for himself as he is always busy pleasing others. The only original words that you hear from him is, "Your wish is my command." And when we live this kind of life we waste the most beautiful gift given by God- our life.

         "Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are."- Marilyn Monroe  

Great Teachers inspire

Human mind can work in many modes. The easiest one is telling mode & this is what majority of people do- they tell. They tell because they think they know. Asking is easy but it does not come naturally to people because asking means telling that you don''t know.  It takes guts to accept & tell that i don't know. And what to do if you know something.  Should you go & shout from the rooftops that you know? Try it; no one will listen because they won't trust you. They realize that if you have knowledge why do you need to  shout? Even if you whisper, people will come to listen to you if you are knowledgeable. Should you explain ? No need to explain because explaining means convincing them that two & two make four. You don't need to do that. Should you demonstrate? If there is a need, you should show how two & two make four every single time whatever method you employ. But the best way to teach something is by inspiring others. Because when you inspire, you become one with the person. You are the teacher & the learner both. The wall of ego melts into nothingness.  

Liberty Means Responsibility

Slavery has many shades. A man may appear free though he is enslaved by his thoughts. Most men remain in chains of negative thoughts for so long that they think it to be natural to be in chains. As Rousseau put it, 
"Slaves lose everything in their chains, even the desire of escaping from them." 
Another reason that people live in chains for whole life is that freedom demands a price- price of discipline, responsibility and continuous struggle. For most of them it is too high a price to pay for the freedom of thought or expression. But what they dread most is that freedom entails a lot of responsibility. Responsibility of fulfilling the promises made to self and others, responsibility of practicing what they preached to others & responsibility of proving that  freedom is a better choice on any given day. You need to ask two questions to begin your quest for freedom; first, do you want freedom?;secondly, are you ready to pay the price? If the answer to both the questions is yes, you are already a free man !   

Scare Yourself Daily

Though human being is fit to face any kind of challenge, he develops cold feet when confronted with a new one. We are comfortable doing the same things daily but very uncomfortable in a tough situation. It is because we wait for the challenge to come to us. We don't invite challenges. Inviting challenges is considered akin to inviting troubles. The fact is that the more challenges you meet, the readier you are for the next one. Do something daily that scares you & shocks other. This will benefit you two ways- one, you will learn new things much faster than others & secondly, and in consequence to the first fact, you will never be afraid of challenges in your life. In fact, you will enjoy every challenge that comes your way. 

If you find your life comforting & everything is hunky-dory, there is something to worry about. One big drawback of a predictable life is that you never learn to respond to a tough situation because you never expect one. You feel your life would remain same till end. If this be the case, your life has already ended because you have achieved what you wanted to achieve. Live it again by inviting challenges; they will give you a tough time but they will also teach you something that you would not learn otherwise. 

Illustrious writer, Stephen covey explained it in a lucid manner when he compared such person as sailing in the boat and enjoying his journey. He is going where the boat takes him. He doesn't  need to toil hard because he is going downstream. All of a sudden, when he sees the fall ahead he tries to change the direction by using his oars like hell, but in vain. He can't do anything now for two reasons; first, he doesn't have the strength & skills to change direction & secondly, it is too late. He has no option but to go down and accept his fate. 

Had he been trying to develop skills by inviting challenges during the comfortable journey, he would have prepared himself for this situation. Now he has no option but to regret & this is what most of us do in later part of life when faced with tough situations. Take control of your present & get ready to take on future challenges if you want to live a meaningful life. 

Time To Run

Keeping fit is a funny matter. People exchange their health for money when they are young & when they face illness, they want to exchange all their money for good health, but in vain. When asked  to take care of health, the usual reply is, " Who has time for exercise?" It is like driving a vehicle which is short of petrol & when asked to get it filled, the driver replying, " Come on ! who has time to get it filled?" But if you don't take care of it now, you will have to drag it to the filling station & who knows by that time it will lose the all the purpose of continuing the journey. Exercising is more a matter of discipline than that of need. And the interesting part is, the more you ignore it, the more you need it.

Love Defines Us

Love moves in circles & encompasses everything that is connected to the persons in love. This is the most precious gain from love. The existence which looks mundane to an ordinary eye, transforms into a magical world. And as the intensity of love increases, the circle in which it operates also expands. After a certain period, love becomes blind- blind to any deformity in the world or to any blemish in the person. Life turns into a beautiful song. But the opposite of this fact is equally true. Hate also changes everything around a person. A person who hates someone attracts everything which is negative, sees every act with suspicion & finds the life around him to be bitter & mean. In fact, in both the cases, the world remains the same. It is the medium that changes. The lesson to be learnt from this strange game of love & hate is that we make the world around us; not the other way round. 

Challenge Your Fears

Our whole existence depends upon one aspect- How big do we dream? In fact, it also doesn't matter whether all our dreams come true or not. Our dreams give direction to our goals which get manifested in different forms.
If dreams are so important then why don't we dream long enough?
There are two reasons why we stop dreaming. The first one is that the environment around us doesn't support this & considers this as a waste of an activity. A child dreams best when he is young but stops dreaming or shrinks the size of his dreams as he grows up. He encounters two obstacles on his way. First, he finds people around him who limit his dreams & secondly, he faces failures on the way of fulfilling his dreams. If he is not taught or he doesn't learn to tackle either of the two, he starts falling into a pattern that is set by others & hints at living an ordinary life.
After a certain period he shivers merely at the thought of having a dream. If at all he dreams, he dreams small; so small that it doesn't make any difference to his existence. Any new dream scares him to death. Instead of living his dream, he starts living his fears. Surprisingly, most of his fears come true because he believes in those & his belief on his dreams further shrinks. Fear is the most crucial factor to kill our art of dreaming.
So the only way to keep dreaming is to challenge your fears. Do what you fear most. Most of the successful people adopted this technique; they did what they feared.  They also did whatever others warned them not to try because it was too difficult or out of their reach. They questioned every doubt and defied every limit. The only thing that you need to overcome is your fear. If you don't, rest assured, one day it will overcome you.