Leaders Are Not Born

There has always been a debate on whether leaders are born or made. How do we settle the issue? It can only be done if we closely look at the way two different kinds of leaders behave. 

Those who are born leaders consider ruling over people their birth right. Serving others doesn't come naturally to them. They can't tolerate failures because they have not seen many.

On the other hand leaders who are made by hard efforts know the value of the reward. They know the value because they have paid the price- the price of hard efforts, many failures & a lot of criticism. Any leader  who has gone through tough time respects opinion of others & wants others to express their views. He believes in distributing power instead of using it to muzzle the opinions of others. 

This is true for all kinds of leaders- political leader, social leader or a business leader. A true leader must pay the price of hard effort before he succeeds. Unless he achieves success the hard way, he will not attach price to it & will lose it sooner than later. 
The other point of discussion especially in business circles has been about the capabilities of a 'leader by effort' vis-a-vis 'a natural leader'. No doubt, a natural leader understands the nature of job quite quickly & uses his natural talents to adapt to the requirements of the job. On the other hand, ' leader by effort' has to make hard efforts to meet the requirements of his job. But once he does so, he gives it his hundred percent while a natural leader tends to relax after reaching his primary goal. The reason of this behavior is again the cost that 'leader by effort' paid to get to his goal. 
So, if you are toiling hard to reach a goal or you think that you don't have natural talents to be something, worry not; you deserve that goal no less than somebody who thinks he is born leader. The world will take a bow once you achieve your goal. For now, just keep walking towards the direction of your dreams !

Conquer The Self

Our  whole life is nothing but a series of hard-fought battles. From an early age man is taught to fight for his right, justice & for his place in society. We fight battles with our problems, obstacles & many other external demons. We also have daily tussles in our relationship- with our spouses, children & friends. We fight our own limitations to do some unthinkable acts. And most of the time we kiss victory & feel like taking a victory lap. But we are unable do so because after every such battle, we feel conked out; we are badly bruised & hurt. We win the battle but lose a lot in bargain- our relationship, our energy & most importantly, we lose peace of mind. 

Another distinct characteristic of a battle of relationship is that both the sides are victorious but after some time both feel like losers. Their victory is short-lived & there is no joy in it. They feel like being friends again but fear that they will lose some ground in the bargain & stick to their positions whole life. They have a lot of people around them, some complementing them on their hard-fought victory, some others egging them on to get ready for another one. In spite of these people around them, they feel lonely.  

We also engage in a fierce battle with our fellow human beings. To be one-up with our neighbor, to get a better raise than our colleagues, to get a promotion much faster than others, to be the wealthiest & the most powerful man in our circle. And many of us achieve this goal.  We win the battle & possess a lot of wealth, be the power-center but lose inner peace, health & people on the way to our goal. Not a good bargain! We have a lot of wealth but live a life of utter poverty. We have people hanging around us not because we are special or loving but because they can use us in their battles. We realize that top is a lonely place but we are too tired to climb down & cry quietly. 

Instead of fighting many false battles we should gear up to fight one real battle & that is to conquer the self. The demons within us are more dangerous than the demons without. The demons of avarice, fear & hatred harm us more than the demons outside. And once we conquer these demons, we will conquer the world. The important point to note is that after this victory we will be fresher than ever, will have more friends than ever & will lead an abundant life.

Listening Is Wisdom

We pass the lion's share of our life speaking & a very small portion listening to others. Though, in both cases, we communicate.

Primarily, we speak for two reasons; either we want to give knowledge or we want to show-off our knowledge. We want to give knowledge when we think we are better equipped to do so vis-a-vis listener. There is nothing wrong with this part of communication as long as we live up to our image. The purpose of this kind of communication should be to leave the listener in a happier state than he was before the  communication & this will only happen when he will gain something from the discussion. Every communication should lead the listener to a positive direction & should leave him in a better frame of mind. If communication has failed to do so, it is not an effective communication & should be avoided. 

Listening is always a better bargain than speaking. When we listen we are on the receiving end- receiving end of knowledge. The problem is when we are not able to decide what to listen & what not to. This happens for two reasons- First, because we don't know the purpose of our listening and secondly because we don't know how to listen. 

The purpose of listening is to be better than before mentally, spiritually & intellectually. When we control our listening with these criterion in mind, we always gain knowledge. Second hindrance in meaningful listening is not knowing how to listen. As Stephen Covey put it, 
  "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." 

When we listen with the intent to reply, we are not interested in learning but in showing-off our limited knowledge & in engaging in the game of one-upmanship. This is the cardinal mistake that most listeners commit & they are, therefore, devoid of gaining wisdom. 

But the best conversation is that a person has with self. He is a speaker as well as a listener. We should learn how to listen to our own conversation.This can be done only if we recognize our inner voice & shut out the noise of outside world. 
When we speak, we gain knowledge; when we listen, we gain wisdom; and when we listen to self, we get enlightened.

Learning - The Right Way

The best stage of learning is considered to be childhood. It is in this stage that a human being not only learns most but also retains it for maximum period. Most of our mannerisms, our speech habits etc. are learnt in this stage. And the reason is that he is not made to learn by telling or teaching. He is not told to pick an object and he is not taught how to walk. He is shown the way to do these activities & he copies the acts to perfection. He is involved in the activity. Most of the things that he learns during childhood stick to his memory for a long time. Not that these activities are simple & easy. It is a complex issue for a child to pick the cup & take it to his lip to drink something. Most of the things that we do for the first time are complex for us because our mind is not ready for the action. It is when we get into the thick of action that mind starts learning the process & does the activity with greater ease.

Three common ways of guiding a person is by telling, by teaching & by involving him in the learning process. The objective in all the three processes is the same & almost same degree of efforts is required in all three processes. So what are the major differences & why learning by involvement yields best results? Let's take one at a time.

When we tell a child to do something, we are standing at different pedestals. As soon as I start telling him to do something, I declare that I am superior to you. And this one action takes the child miles away from the real process. He treats the teller as an outsider who is trying to disturb his natural way of learning. It might look that he is following your commands but from inside he is rejecting you. These emotions hamper his learning and he retains only part of the process that might be useful to him & rejects the rest. 

The second way of guiding a child is by teaching him. Again there is a yawning chasm between the learner & the guide. What happens in most of our schools is not learning but only collection of knowledge for some purpose. Our children become no more than a dustbin of knowledge. Through this method we only dump information into their heads. By & by, child starts taking the school as a knowledge center & not a learning center. A child listens to a teacher not because he considers him to be genuine but because he doesn't have a choice to reject him. In fact, most of the students consider internet to be a better choice than a teacher because to the former they can give command while they take commands from the later. Education is not about imparting knowledge; it is about making him find the light.

            "Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel." - Socrates

The best way of learning is through active involvement of the child. When we involve a child in the whole process, he identifies himself easily with the guide- be it a parent or a teacher. His whole body responds positively as there is no competition. Both the teacher & the learner are standing at the same platform & understand things from each other's perspective. This process lays stress on sharing. Sometimes the child considers himself to be a teacher when the guide asks him questions to test whether he has imbibed the learning. He takes joy in telling the answer in detail & because the guide is also involved, he appreciates the child. So, both the child & the guide enjoy this process. Learning becomes a matter of joy, not compulsion. And the biggest benefit is that the child not only learns what is being taught through this method but also how to be a good teacher. Since he likes the behavior of the guide, he tries to be the same & thus a flame is kindled for next generation.

    "Kids don't remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are." 

                                                                                                                         - Jim Henson

Truly In Love

Man is an emotional animal. With so much of chaos around us, love has become an indispensable emotion. But, there are some prerequisites to love someone. Not that you would require these traits in you if you love someone, but it will surface from nowhere & you would surprise yourself. 

When you love someone, you surrender yourself to that person. The first thing that you surrender is your ego. Ego is one emotion that separates us from animals. Human beings have this in plenty & as they grow up, they accumulate it as a prized possession. Ego is just opposite of love. Once ego builds a covering around us, we become inaccessible to any form of love. And since we don't feel the compassion of others, we fail to express it as well. So, the first step of loving a person is to shed the ego.

The next thing to remember is that you don't love someone for any reason. You don't love someone because he or she is young or beautiful, smart or intelligent, rich or powerful; you just love him or her for being what the person is. You love the person, not the trait in him. Love between two persons doesn't die or become less intense as they grow old. On the contrary, if they are truly in love, it will only get more intense. If love has diminished, it only indicates you loved not the person, but something that he had, and that something has diminished with the passage of time.

Love doesn't demand anything. It only knows giving & doesn't expect anything in return. Unrequited love is a misnomer as love doesn't require the return of favor from another person. But there are few things that happen on their own when you are in love. It gives you strength & increases your self-worth as you feel wanted. But, to have a good self-esteem you don't need to love others or get loved; just start loving yourself as you are & you will increase your self-worth.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tzu 

When you are in love, the things which look insignificant to others mean a lot to you & things which mean a world to others become insignificant to you. So, while others are busy building castles, people in love are living their dream. While others are planning about years ahead, they are living their moments. Even a stroll in the park with your partner becomes so valuable that you treasure it for whole of your life. When you have love of your life around you, even simple things become special. Things which never interested you become special because it means so much to your partner.

When such things happen in your life, you can be sure that you have got someone that you can't live without. Celebrate as you are truly in love!  

Freedom Of Choice

Human race is the story of untold miseries, struggles & achievements. Many of the miseries were natural, did a lot of damage but we survived those. Some other miseries were brought by few despots trying to be the power to control the world externally but we overcame them as well. But the real misery that we are still trying to overcome is the misery of living a borrowed life. And it has a lot to do with the freedom of choice which Viktor Frankl called as 'the last of human freedoms' in his magnum opus 'Man's Search For Meaning' -

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing:the last of human freedoms-to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Viktor E. Frankl.

The trouble begins when we surrender this freedom of choice to external circumstances which are transient. Our circumstances are transient but the behavior pattern that we develop once we surrender this freedom becomes an integral part of our existence & refuses to cooperate & our misery continues.

In this ever changing world, one thing has always remained constant & that is struggle for individuality. Struggle to safe guard our individuality becomes a much greater challenge than struggle for survival. We learn survival techniques much faster because we are supported in this endeavor by people close to us-our parents, our teachers, our peer group. On the contrary, we are opposed by the same group of people when we try to be ourselves. They oppose because they surrendered their freedom & individuality much earlier and behave as if they were much better-off now. They feel so because they don't have to choose what they have to be; they become what the world around them wants them to be. Now they want us to live the same fallacy & conform to their ideas. 

While we have so much of struggle, failures & miseries, we also have a lot of achievements to write home about. And most of these have been because of the people who refused to surrender their individuality; their freedom of choice. The world by opposing them made them much stronger than the adverse circumstances. They protected their 'last of human freedoms' as if their survival depended on it. They surrendered everything but their right to be themselves. They didn't only survive; they lived an abundant life. 

Don't Be Serious

Do you know someone who doesn't smile much? How do you feel in his company? Now think of someone who laughs a lot; cracks a lot of jokes & remains cheerful, no matter what circumstances. What difference do you find between the two?

The basic difference between the people who struggle to laugh & who laugh a lot is of the way they live their life. I am not talking about being successful or being a failure. Success & failure are quite subjective & at times, it is difficult to know whether one is successful or a failure from the things one possesses. A person is an utter failure if he has huge wealth but doesn't know how to enjoy life. On the contrary a monk might feel quite successful with no more than clothes to show as his possession. 

Robert Frost was right on the button when he said, 
                                "If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane."

In fact, people who don't laugh are, in a way, insane. They may not be mentally ill but emotionally they are. They don't live their life; they only pass it. And when you pass your life, you waste it. The tragedy of life is not that we have got only one life to live; the real tragedy is not knowing how to live it. You will often hear these people complaining about others not taking their lives seriously. They think they were successful because they were serious. They mistake seriousness for sincerity. They need to be told that life is not a serious matter & needs to be taken sincerely but lightly. Laugh a bit; bunk a few classes if you are a student; play some pranks, dance in the rain & never take life too seriously or you will go insane sooner than later.

Another positive aspect of people who laugh often is that they are an open book. They don't hide anything & therefore are quite trustworthy. They don't lead a worried or hurried life as they live in the 'now' and generally don't carry the burden of today or tomorrow. Since, they are cheerful they are natural heart-warmers. Everyone likes to be in the company of such people as they radiate cheerfulness all around.  

The only treatment of an emotionally ill person is a big laugh every now & then & a sound sleep at bed time!   

           "A good laugh & a long sleep are the two best cures for anything." - Irish Proverb

Power Of Imagination

Everything takes shape twice- first in our mind & then in the real world. There is hardly anything that materialized before being imagined. Then, why is it so that people don't believe imagination to be so powerful or don't use this power?

One reason is that it looks a bit phoney or unreal. It looks unreal until you experience its power. Most of the inventions in the world took place not in the labs but in the imaginative minds of otherwise ordinary people. What looked beyond the realms appeared quite doable once it took shape. These people became great because they used their imagination to think the unthinkable & thus did the undoable. They appeared foolish & their ideas absurd before they found the same things that they had imagined taking place in the real world. Einstein remarked,

                         "If at first, the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it."

At first, any imaginative idea sounds absurd to others & even to you but that does not warrant its failure.  On the contrary, more absurd an idea is, better are the chances of its success. This is what imagination does- it converts absurd into superb, unreal into real & undoable into doable!

Another reason people don't use their imaginative power is that they are not trained to use it.  On the contrary, from his early childhood a child is taught to follow the unsaid rules, do what is being told & not to try anything which looks out of box. Our education system teaches us to be disciplined, to carry out the orders. By the time a child grows up, he becomes slave to a system that discourages use of power of imagination. Hence, a large population remains deprived of a wonderful gift given by God to His children. 

All the miracles become real once we start working on this power. Our real magic comes out when we start imagining anything that looks impossible & start working towards achieving it. World will be more wonderful a place if a man is taught from his childhood to only do which has not been done, to think what looks impossible & to go for what looks highly improbable to achieve to an ordinary soul. One of the most imaginative souls of our age Einstein had this to offer  on reality & miracle,

"There are two ways to live your life.

  One is as though nothing is a miracle.

  The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Happiness Defined

One of the major aims of human life is to be happy. And the irony is the more we go after it, the farther it gets from us. We look for happiness in our bank balance, in a palatial house, in a luxury car. And more often than not, these very things rob us of whatever happiness we had before possessing these. How many times you have heard people saying," I was happier when I was not a rich man."? Why is it so that things which were supposed to bring joy attract untold miseries into our life? And the answer is because we misunderstand happiness.

All our life we chase happiness assuming it to be a thing, not an emotion. Things can give you comfort, they may bring security into your life, these may attract more people into your life; but things cannot bring happiness if you don't share these with others. Our basic instinct with things is that of hoarding, not of sharing. We think, the more things we collect, the happier we will get. In fact, it is the other way round. The more things we share, the more joy we attract into our life. Because, when we share things, we also send the emotions of happiness towards the other person. And the gratitude that he shows for the gift that he gets brings double joy in our life. 

Another thing to remember about happiness is that happiness of another person is essential to our own. It is as contagious as sadness is. You cannot feel happy if people around you are gloomy. How many times it happens that you are in a jolly mood & you hear the news of some natural disaster or some accident that brings misery to other people, you too go into depression? The disaster might have taken place on the other side of the globe & it has no bearing on your life but it affects you badly. It is because emotions don't know barriers or boundaries; they travel faster than light & affect all who come in contact. 

All the happiness that we presume to have got from success vanishes into thin air the moment we face another failure. It is because this happiness doesn't come from within; it originates from an outside source. So, the moment that source goes away, happiness also goes with it. Real happiness comes from within & flows out. If a person is really happy, people around him start feeling happy. They don't have negative emotions like jealousy, want, greed etc. They also want to be as happy as the other person but not at the cost of his happiness. Like water, happiness also flows from higher source to the lower. So, if you are happier than others, you should be making people around you happier. And you will also bathe in their reflected happiness!

Power Of Belief

Man is born free but he doesn't die a free man. When we come to this world we are quite light because we are not bound with restrictions. We can do whatever we want & it is primarily because people think we cannot do much & slowly we begin to crawl. People around us feel delighted as we take our first steps. They even clap, take snaps, capture the steps in video & show it to others with a glow of pride. Then we venture out & mix in society, learn new things & make friends. By & by, we learn to adapt ourselves to different environment. We also develop different behavioral patterns suiting different circles. We are different when we are with our friends but behave differently when we are with our parents or teachers. We think we have learned the tricks of the trade & our parents assume we have become worldly-wise. They in fact encourage us to behave differently. The point they miss is that by doing so we are becoming slaves of our circumstances. We are taught to respond in a certain manner in a particular situation, & the next time similar situation arises, we behave similarly. Our mind starts thinking & behaving in a particular manner. If someone else behaves differently in similar situation we call him idiosyncratic. We pick patterns, respond & pass our whole life like that. But, by behaving so we also become prisoners of some limiting beliefs & we don't even realize so. We divide our life into two sections- things that can be done & things that can't be. 

The question arises- Why don't we break these beliefs & patterns & be free?

This situation reminds me of an interesting story of a chained elephant. When a person saw an elephant tied to a pole with a very weak leash, he asked the mahout the reason of elephant not breaking free even though it can do so in single effort as the leash is too weak to offer any resistance. Mahout replied that he tied the elephant with that leash when it was a baby. It tried to break free many times when it was a child but failed as the elephant was not strong enough at that age. And now the elephant doesn't even try because it has developed a pattern in its mind that it cannot break free howsoever hard it may try. So, I open the chain whenever I need the elephant & make it work as per my needs. Once the work is finished, I bring it back here & chain it again. We are more or less like that elephant.

Just like the elephant we remain a prisoner all our life to our limiting belief patterns, to  circumstances, to our routine, to similar job & to many such things. Most of our patterns are difficult to go because we think they are made for us. We don't behave any other way because we don't know any other way. We come to this world a free man but die like a prisoner. What a waste of a life!

"I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will."

                                                                                                               - Charlotte Bronte. 

Wonder And Mystery

One of the side-effects of gaining knowledge is losing our sense of looking at things from a different perspective. At times, knowledge tends to imply, though mistakenly, that we have known all that is needed to be known. The fact is we don't know even 1% of our own being, leave apart the rest of the world. The vision of some people gets narrower & narrower as they gain more & more knowledge. The world looks a dreary place to them simply because they lose their sense of wonder which, by far, is the greatest of all human attributes. We miss the grand spectacle of nature around us & lead a monotonous life. 

When we miss to observe as simple a thing as a raindrop, we don't miss only a raindrop; we miss a universe in the raindrop. With the help of a very powerful microscope, scientists have documented that there are hundreds of life-forms in each raindrop. They are of different colors, shapes & sizes & each one of these has unique characteristics. This is not to say that when we observe a raindrop, we are able to see these life-forms; this is to carry home the point that when we miss a raindrop, we miss a whole universe. Same way we miss the miracles happening around us every day. And then we complain about life being boring.
"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life will change.
                                                                                                                      -Buddha
 If we could observe the miracle of a flower blooming or a blade of grass coming out slowly; life would be a wonderland every moment.  We don't see the same things again & again every day; we miss different things every moment. There is so much to see & appreciate around us if we open our eyes to this beauty. This will happen when we attain the real wisdom; when we accept nature as the center of universe & human-being as the most wonderful creation of God. 

"Mystery creates wonder & wonder is the basis of man's desire to understand."

                                                                                                               -Neil Armstrong

All the great inventors, scientists, explorers had one thing common in them & that was their sense of mystery for the unknown. They went for the unknown because they believed that there existed something they were not able to see but that didn't deterred them to believe it. In fact, this sense of wonder became the basis for most of their research. What we see today is only 1% of the universe; what we miss is more than 99%. 

Bridge The Gap

We are living in the age of conflicts, most of which originate from misunderstanding. We have conflicts between two nations, between different communities, between states & provinces. Conflicts don't add anything to our life but they give us a lot of pain. And when the conflict is in the family, it pains us the most. When we live together, there is bound to be difference of thoughts & opinions & the difference is more when people belong to different age group. This difference is not because of difference in age but because of different mind-set. One generation is risk-friendly, wants to achieve its goals at any cost, believes in YOLO (You Only Live Once) philosophy. The other generation is risk-averse, lives an easy-paced life & thinks they know more because they have passed more years than their counterparts. The cause of conflict is that both are looking at the world from different platforms. Their views clash because their perspective differs.

This can be resolved if both the generation meet somewhere in the middle & try to change their own perspective rather than trying to change other's. Parents need to understand that they too were young only a few years back & they had same weaknesses & challenges that the younger generation is now putting up with. If you can't be in their shoes, try to be in your own old shoes. 

"Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it." 

                                                                                                                                - Dr Haim Ginott

Their argument is, since they have committed the mistakes in their youth & have experienced the pains, they don't want the generation next to go through the same. But they forget that in the process of safeguarding them from the pain, they are giving heartaches to themselves. Moreover, forcing the issue will be more harmful than letting them fail & learn. 

"People never learn anything by being told; they have to find out for themselves." 

                                                                                                                                   - Paulo Coelho

Sometimes, children complain that their parents behave like children. In fact, as they grow old, they do behave so. They are also going through a transition phase & need compassion & understanding. They pampered you a lot in your childhood; what about returning the favor? If they are talking about discipline, it is because they want you to achieve your goals. Remember, the banks of the river ultimately help the river to flow towards ocean. An overflowing river is not only bad for others, but also self-destructive. Many a time we do things that our parents warn us against & pay a heavy price. 

"Every generation thinks that it has the answers, and every generation is humbled by nature."

                                                                                                                                    - Phillip Lubin  
Once both the generations make a paradigm shift, their worlds will change & most of the ideas which seemed out-dated or outrageous would appear quite logical. Remember, it is always easier to change one's own vision than changing the whole world of the other person.

Attitude- Small Thing, Big Difference

As human being we want to reach the peak of our life. We don't want to settle with the average or ordinary. We acquire best of skills in the best of colleges & get ready to win the world. We have the power of knowledge, cutting-edge technology & the latest gadgets as the weapons to win the battle of life. But despite being successful in our respective fields, we realize that we have faltered somewhere. We wonder what is that we missed down the road to success. 

As a child we learn a lot of skills & put these to good use. As we grow up we are instructed to gather knowledge to be well-placed in society. We devote major portion of our prime age in acquiring general & specialized knowledge & implementing these in our work life to be successful. We do so because we are taught if we do these things right, the rest will take care of itself. But this is only half true. If this were true, why would people commit suicide or lead a depressed life despite being leaders in their fields? It is because we missed something & that something is attitude which is more important than all the things that we acquired to be successful. 

It is a pity that the most important of all the traits to get successful is ignored by majority of the people. It is neither given to us by our parents nor taught in any university. There is no degree or certificate that proves that I got 'A' grade in attitude or I passed with flying colors in the test of attitude. There might be some cursory reference made about your attitude in your report card but by & large it goes unmentioned & unnoticed. With this much of attention given to attitude, what do you expect from a child? He never bothers about it and laughs it away if someone makes a mention of it.

So far so good; but the problem is that you can't wish it away from your life. You acquire a certain attitude from the people around you, willy-nilly. And you live with it for whole of your life harming your interests through your bad attitude or winning the hearts by your positive attitudes. If you pay just a little attention to people around you & your attitude, you will find a strong co-relation. 

So, what is the way out? It is quite simple; you don't need rocket science to have a positive mental attitude. Merely by controlling what you get from people around you, a lot of damage can be averted. You cannot control what people speak, but you can always control what you hear. If you place filter in your mind that rejects anything that harms your positive mental attitude, you will save yourself from a big damage. Stand guard at the door of your mind and don't let any negative thought enter your mind. Remember, it all starts with thought; then comes feeling & next action. If you nip those negative thoughts in the bud, you will safe-guard your attitude to a great extent. Keep distance from the people who think or talk negative, even if they are your family members or close friends. It is the question of your life & the same people will question your ability when you won't get desired results. 

Remember, what Churchill said,

                        "Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." 

Understanding Abundance

One of the many lies that is making the rounds is that there is not enough for everyone; that if I part with some of my possessions, others will grow at the cost of my abundance; that there is not enough good to make every one satisfied. The fact of the matter is there is enough in the world to make every soul happy & contented. 

          "There is enough for everybody's need, but not enough for anybody's greed." 

                                                                                                                       -Mahatma Gandhi.

We don't enjoy abundance because we don't understand it. Abundance is not to have something enough but to enjoy something enough. We spend large part of our life collecting toys. We want to have best of cars, best of houses & best of everything. Once we achieve these, we want more. Our hunger for more is never satiated. When we have collected enough, we compete to have the most. We presume we have abundance mentality; on the contrary, this is scarcity mentality. You want more only when you think you have less. You compete with others when you assume you got the smaller share. Competing means thinking of less; sharing means thinking of more. 

Have a look at the people around you; you will see many people having enough to pass their life comfortably. But, are they comfortable? Not at all! They might be going through the worst period of their life. They have a big car; but they don't have a big heart. They have a palatial house; but they don't have a happy family. They have number of profit making companies & many trusts; but they don't have a single friend to trust. What are they experiencing? Abundance or scarcity? They are living in utter poverty. 

Humanity is in the grip of scarcity virus. We want more not because we want abundance but because we dread scarcity. Initially, we want just enough to meet our daily needs, and then we need some more so that we can lead our life comfortably. Then we need a little more to make our future secure. After this, rat-race begins & now we don't want just because we need it but because someone else has it. So, if he has it, I should have it too. The problem with this mentality is that we have enough to enjoy our life but are not left with enough life to enjoy all that we have.

      "Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into." - Wayne Dyer.

Dance Of Life

Imagine a football ground sized auditorium packed to its capacity; spectators are waiting for a much talked about dance performance with bated breath. There is nothing happening on the stage for quite some time. And when the curtains are lifted, they notice a figure limping its way to the center-stage. The child they see is nicely dressed but hardly noticeable & low in confidence. He stands there for a while with tears in his eyes and then murmurs something barely audible to the audience. They feel pity on the child and start leaving the auditorium one by one. The child also leaves the stage after the hall has emptied. 

This is not the scene from a play or a movie. This is what happens in the lives of a large number of people. When we come to this world, our arrival is welcomed. Each one of us is expected to be a hero & we too brim with joy & enthusiasm. But when we see people around us struggling to succeed, hardly making both ends meet, whimpering & doing their daily chores grudgingly, we start thinking that the life is not to be celebrated but to be mourned. We start making all kinds of compromises; start complaining about everything & expressing our anger on this drama called life. And one day we become exactly like the child narrated above. Who is to blame for this sorry state of our life ? 

I know you know the answer! But, why do we allow our life to drift in this direction when we know that we come to this world to dance, to celebrate, not to struggle or to get enslaved to a routine? In fact, each day is a huge opportunity to kick off your shoes and rock the stage. Don't bother if you don't know the steps. 

"When you dance your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step on the way." - Wayne Dyer 

Understand the purpose of your life- It's to dance, to enjoy; not to get into a particular pattern. And as you live your life, the patterns will be set as per your choice. 

Now imagine the same boy on the stage giving the best performance of his life because he is happy & enjoying each step; and on the way enthralling the audience & spreading joy all around. He is having the dance of his life! 

Live Your Dreams

Our whole existence depends upon one aspect- How big do we dream? In fact, it also doesn't matter whether all our dreams come true or not. Our dreams give direction to our goals which get manifested in different forms.
If dreams are so important then why don't we dream long enough?
There are two reasons why we stop dreaming. The first one is that the environment around us doesn't support this & considers this as a waste of an activity. A child dreams best when he is young but stops dreaming or shrinks the size of his dreams as he grows up. He encounters two obstacles on his way. First, he finds people around him who limit his dreams & secondly, he faces failures on the way of fulfilling his dreams. If he is not taught or he doesn't learn to tackle either of the two, he starts falling into a pattern that is set by others & hints at living an ordinary life.
After a certain period he shivers merely at the thought of having a dream. If at all he dreams, he dreams small; so small that it doesn't make any difference to his existence. Any new dream scares him to death. Instead of living his dream, he starts living his fears. Surprisingly, most of his fears come true because he believes in those & his belief on his dreams further shrinks. Fear is the most crucial factor to kill our art of dreaming.
So the only way to keep dreaming is to challenge your fears. Do what you fear most. Most of the successful people adopted this technique; they did what they feared.  They also did whatever others warned them not to try because it was too difficult or out of their reach. They questioned every doubt and defied every limit. The only thing that you need to overcome is your fear. If you don't, rest assured, one day it will overcome you.  

The Right Path

When we start any journey, we do it in right earnest. We begin it because we trust our intuition  about it. Journey towards life of truth is no different. We cannot venture on the path of righteousness if we don't have a firm belief. 

We can divide people into four categories as far as walking the path of truth is concerned . 

First category of people are those who don't know what is the right way of living. These people can only be pitied as they never come in contact of people who have experienced the joy of righteous living. They only believe in materialistic pleasures which are transient but they are not aware about this fact. One day these people get converted into things & either wear out or rust out. They only pass this planet without experiencing life. 

Second category of people are those who know the path to truth but refuse to accept it as they consider it to be strewn with hindrances and hardships. They pretend as if they never knew this path and pass their life without realizing that they were not living but only breathing. They miss life by a long margin. And by the time they get to know about the joy of living it is already too late. 

Third category of people are those who know the path & start the journey too. They also know the obstacles that they might meet along the path. They still embark upon the journey because they know the bliss of righteous living. The only problem with these kinds of people is that when they come face to face with problems they go down fighting & refuse to go all the way. They are the most unfortunate of souls. They got the life but could never enjoy it. They miss life by a whisker. 

The fourth category of people are the blessed souls. They not only know the path & the bliss that it brings along but also the hardships that they might encounter on the way. They don't start the journey for some reward. They know the reward of truthful living is the life itself. They live every moment of their life to the fullest. Their stoical acceptance of all pain makes their life a memorable experience. They attain nirvana along the path & leave their mark on the path for others to follow. And most importantly, they experience the ecstasy of living !     

Think Big, Achieve Big

We find two kinds of people in this world- People who are ordinary, lead a struggled life, and have a limited existence & people who are extraordinary, super-achievers & lead a blessed life. What separates one category of people from another? You guessed it right- it is the thinking part that makes all the difference. But the big question is if this is such a big factor that separates super-achievers from ordinary folks, why people ignore it? The answer is simple- It is because people don't understand how big a difference this one factor makes in over-all result.

Actually the quantum of result of any endeavor is decided at the very outset by the way the whole idea is perceived. If it is conceived with a lot of optimism & with the will to succeed, it has no reason to fail. On the contrary, if the person who conceived it is not sure about its success, chances are his doubts will be proved right. Thinking success conditions our mind to plan only for success; on the contrary thinking failure directs our mind to find ways & means to fail.

It is a wrong notion that people who have high intellect & resources, generally succeed & people with limited resources lead an ordinary life. Remember, knowledge is only potential power. A very high intellect is inconsequential for success if we don't make good use of the same. We have a lot of examples when a highly intelligent man led an ordinary life & a person with ordinary or no schooling ruled over so called super-brains. What makes those ordinary looking people so extraordinary? It is their desire to succeed & their power of thinking big. They can't see failure; they only visualize success, & that too big size! While ordinary people always think of what can't be done, extra-ordinary people think in terms of how an impossible task can be converted into a possible one. Ordinary people search for impossibilities in the possible; extra-ordinary look for possibilities in the impossible.

The size of your achievement is directly proportional to the size of your dreams. You are much bigger than your thoughts. So, instead of undermining your size, you should learn to increase the size of your thoughts. Merely by increasing the size of your thoughts, you can take your success to a new level. Your today's existence is the result of your past thought; similarly, what and how big you are going to be after few years will depend upon the size of your thoughts today. Choose the size of your thoughts carefully. Don't adjust your life to your thoughts; adjust your thoughts to the life you are meant to be living- A really BIG one!  

Promote World Peace- Love Your Family

Few questions from all family members -

1) When was the last time you actively watched a cartoon serial with your kids? Actively means you discussed the characters & their funny acts.

2) When was it that you gave a surprise to your spouse? Not necessarily a big surprise in terms of size or cost but in terms of pleasant shock value. 

3) When was the last time you hugged your mother tight & said to her, "You are the best mom of the world."?

4) When was the last time you did something for your father that he always wanted you to do for him but you hated the job?

5) How many times you praise one another in a day?

6) When was the last time that you cancelled all your important appointments because your child insisted you to be with him? 

7) Do you eat together, pray together, go for a walk together or do any such activity? Watching TV together is the worst way to spend time together.

The answers of the above mentioned questions will decide whether you are a happy family or not. Someone may contest the argument saying these are all bookish things and have no impact on family happiness index. He may say that I do none of these but we go for movie or for parent-teacher meeting, watch TV together for two hours daily, or we attend many parties together & we are quite happy. By doing these activities you may seem happy but your happiness is not real or is short-lived. You are happy as long as the activity is on but the moment activity is over, your happiness is gone. 

So, the question is, "What are the big things that make big difference in improving our family happiness index?" The answer is, "None." Yes, it is not the big things that make a big difference, but the small ones. Your son would cherish the moment more when you prepared a cup of tea early morning for him during his exam than when you bought him a big gift. No doubt, he will remember the later one as well but only if it is combined with compassion & has some surprise element. He would not remember it if he insisted on it & you had no other option but to buy it for him. This is why surprise element is a big factor in improving family happiness index. This is the most important but the most ignored factor. 

Another way of improving happiness index is to create some magic moments. What is magic? It is doing something which is unexpected, pleasant to see & defies logic. Do the same with your family members & the more you do it, happier your family gets. One example of magic moment can be stopping a car by the road side all of a sudden & buying a rose bud for your daughter or for your wife to express your love for her. Remember, it has to be unexpected & pleasant. Again, value of the gift would be measured not by the cost but by the surprise element.

One more way to make a family happy is to share & communicate. It is surprising how much this small tip can shift your family life. Find some time to have a light conversation, crack a joke or tell them some inspiring story. Many a time we confuse communication with gossiping. Constructive conversation is about self while gossiping is about others.
In terms of setting priorities for life, family should always top the list. Many a time, I hear people saying I do everything for my family. It is a fallacy; an excuse to hide one's failure to give due attention to family. You don't need to sacrifice your life for your family; you only need to give them some magic moments & trust me, they will remember those moments for whole of their life & would love you no end.

Pass Your Gifts

Most of the successful people are successful because of their unmatched intelligence. They are different because they think differently. Their actions defy all logic and they are ridiculed and revered because of the their out-of-the-box ideas. They have one more quality that helps them reach the pinnacle of success & it is that they all have a big heart. Their prime goal is not to be successful but to make others happy by elevating their life. They relentlessly work for the betterment of human race till their end.
Being genius is a gift of God but being generous is your return gift to God. We all are gifted in certain ways so that we shower gifts given to us by God on people who are not so gifted in that field. But instead of cooperating, we start competing. We start thinking that if we share our traits with others he might become more successful than us. This limited thinking stops us from sharing our genius with our fellow human beings & we die with that unused talent. You might have used that talent but if a vast population remains devoid of something that they would have got with little generosity, I would call it unused genius.
In fact, we are only an agent between God & other people as far as passing these gifts are concerned. Our job is not to think what will happen to our gifts but to do what we have been assigned to do. Another important point to remember is that it is an unending supply. The more you give, the more gifts will be supplied to you. If you stop the supply, further supply of gifts to you will also be stopped. 'Give & Receive' is an old principle. The new principle is 'Give & Give'. 
And when you combine selfless giving with a lot of love, it becomes a gift of God. Nature teaches us to give without putting any limit to it & not to expect anything in return. Sun does not expect earth to return it the favor, neither does earth when it provides shelter to all & sundry. 
               "It is not how much we give but how much love we put into giving." 
                                                                                                                             - Mother Teresa