To Be Happy Is To Be Loved

Being loved by someone is a blessing. It tells you how much you are wanted despite your faults. It increases your worth in your own eyes & in the eyes of others. Many times we underestimate our own worth & try to short sell ourselves but once you are loved deeply by someone, you start realizing that you have the traits to impress others & you start exhibiting those traits. The important thing to remember is not to make any effort to be noticed but to remain happy all the time, in all circumstances. People will take notice if you are at your natural best. It gives you the strength to move forward, to think the unthinkable & achieve the unachievable.

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your sleep." - Dr. Seuss

But loving someone is a greater blessing. It makes you tolerant towards the faults of others & when you do so, you are loved in return. It needs courage to love someone with visible faults. When you love someone, you accept him or her in toto, not in parts. Many of us tend to accept only positive traits of a person, rejecting the gray areas. It is not love; it is compromise. When the husband tells his wife," I love you", he doesn't mean, "Your eyes are all right but i don't like your hair." So, why do we complain when we see some blemish in our partner? In fact, a time comes when we start focusing only on the blemish & completely ignore the traits because of which we fell in love. What if we do just the opposite- ignore all the vices & focus on the virtues. Virtues will first add & then multiply & vices will vanish into thin air. When you love someone you condone even the blunders & on the contrary, when you dislike someone, you look even at small mistakes as blunders. At times people play tennis with each other & score points by catching others doing something wrong. But, you don't score points when you are in love & therefore the result is always love all!
"You don't love someone because they are perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not." - Jodie Picoult

The Power Of Thinking Big

We find two kinds of people in this world- People who are ordinary, lead a struggled life, and have a limited existence & people who are extraordinary, super-achievers & lead a blessed life. What separates one category of people from another? You guessed it right- it is the thinking part that makes all the difference. But the big question is if this is such a big factor that separates super-achievers from ordinary folks, why people ignore it? The answer is simple- It is because people don't understand how big a difference this one factor makes in over-all result.

Actually the quantum of result of any endeavor is decided at the very outset by the way the whole idea is perceived. If it is conceived with a lot of optimism & with the will to succeed, it has no reason to fail. On the contrary, if the person who conceived it is not sure about its success, chances are his doubts will be proved right. Thinking success conditions our mind to plan only for success; on the contrary thinking failure directs our mind to find ways & means to fail.

It is a wrong notion that people who have high intellect & resources, generally succeed & people with limited resources lead an ordinary life. Remember, knowledge is only potential power. A very high intellect is inconsequential for success if we don't make good use of the same. We have a lot of examples when a highly intelligent man led an ordinary life & a person with ordinary or no schooling ruled over so called super-brains. What makes those ordinary looking people so extraordinary? It is their desire to succeed & their power of thinking big. They can't see failure; they only visualize success, & that too big size! While ordinary people always think of what can't be done, extra-ordinary people think in terms of how an impossible task can be converted into a possible one. Ordinary people search for impossibilities in the possible; extra-ordinary look for possibilities in the impossible.

The size of your achievement is directly proportional to the size of your dreams. You are much bigger than your thoughts. So, instead of undermining your size, you should learn to increase the size of your thoughts. Merely by increasing the size of your thoughts, you can take your success to a new level. Your today's existence is the result of your past thought; similarly, what and how big you are going to be after few years will depend upon the size of your thoughts today. Choose the size of your thoughts carefully. Don't adjust your life to your thoughts; adjust your thoughts to the life you are meant to be living- A really BIG one!  

Winners Don't Complain

Life would be a boring story if we had same situations every time. It is a beautiful adventure because it offers a mix bag of success & failure, loyalty & betrayal, hopes & disappointments. Though we cannot remain stoic all the time, yet we should learn to control our responses to what life offers us. Sometimes, things do not go as per our plans or it may seem so. Just bide your time. Things always happen for a reason. The best way to respond in such a situation is to accept the situation & make the best out of whatever it offers. Every incidence that is taking shape in your life has a reason. It is happening to prepare you for the moment that is yet to come. Your job is to be ready for the moment as it comes. Don't try to understand the reason as you will not fully comprehend it now. Rest assured, when you reach the climax of this story, everything will make perfect sense to you.

Enjoy the good moments of your life as they add meaning to it & treasure the challenging moments of your life as they teach you the meaning of life. At the end of life you should remember these challenging moments not because these gave you a lot of pain but because these moments taught you a lot. When we complain about bad time in our life we prepare ourselves for more such time. On the contrary, when we remain steadfast in our approach to achieve our goal despite challenging time, things start taking shape. Challenges in our life are not to bog us down; they are there to give us strength.

Some people enjoy challenges; these become part of their routine life. Many times we complain that we get major share of pain & others are blessed with all the good things in life. The fact is that we only see their smiling faces during victory lap; we are never able to see the tough time that they experienced. They are the winners simply because they chose to make the best of what they were offered by life instead of complaining about the circumstances. If we have a way to find the average of total number of challenges or hard time of the world & distribute this average among all, each would get almost the same share of challenges that he has now. And if you think you got a little more, thank God for he considered you a worthy soul who would be able to take some load of his fellow human being. 

Tune Into Abundance

One of the many lies that is making the rounds is that there is not enough for everyone; that if I part with some of my possessions, others will grow at the cost of my abundance; that there is not enough good to make every one satisfied. The fact of the matter is there is enough in the world to make every soul happy & contented. 

          "There is enough for everybody's need, but not enough for anybody's greed." 

                                                                                                                 -Mahatma Gandhi.

We don't enjoy abundance because we don't understand it. Abundance is not to have something enough but to enjoy something enough. We spend large part of our life collecting toys. We want to have best of cars, best of houses & best of everything. Once we achieve these, we want more. Our hunger for more is never satiated. When we have collected enough, we compete to have the most. We presume we have abundance mentality; on the contrary, this is scarcity mentality. You want more only when you think you have less. You compete with others when you assume you got the smaller share. Competing means thinking of less; sharing means thinking of more. 

Have a look at the people around you; you will see many people having enough to pass their life comfortably. But, are they comfortable? Not at all! They might be going through the worst period of their life. They have a big car; but they don't have a big heart. They have a palatial house; but they don't have a happy family. They have number of profit making companies & many trusts; but they don't have a single friend to trust. What are they experiencing? Abundance or scarcity? They are living in utter poverty. 

Humanity is in the grip of scarcity virus. We want more not because we want abundance but because we dread scarcity. Initially, we want just enough to meet our daily needs, and then we need some more so that we can lead our life comfortably. Then we need a little more to make our future secure. After this, rat-race begins & now we don't want just because we need it but because someone else has it. So, if he has it, I should have it too. The problem with this mentality is that we have enough to enjoy our life but are not left with enough life to enjoy all that we have.

      "Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into." - Wayne Dyer.

Prisoner Of Limiting Beliefs

Man is born free but he doesn't die a free man. When we come to this world we are quite light because we are not bound with restrictions. We can do whatever we want & it is primarily because people think we cannot do much & slowly we begin to crawl. People around us feel delighted as we take our first steps. They even clap, take snaps, capture the steps in video & show it to others with a glow of pride. Then we venture out & mix in society, learn new things & make friends. By & by, we learn to adapt ourselves to different environment. We also develop different behavioral patterns suiting different circles. We are different when we are with our friends but behave differently when we are with our parents or teachers. We think we have learned the tricks of the trade & our parents assume we have become worldly-wise. They in fact encourage us to behave differently. The point they miss is that by doing so we are becoming slaves of our circumstances. We are taught to respond in a certain manner in a particular situation, & the next time similar situation arises, we behave similarly. Our mind starts thinking & behaving in a particular manner. If someone else behaves differently in similar situation we call him idiosyncratic. We pick patterns, respond & pass our whole life like that. But, by behaving so we also become prisoners of some limiting beliefs & we don't even realize so. We divide our life into two sections- things that can be done & things that can't be. 

The question arises- Why don't we break these beliefs & patterns & be free?

This situation reminds me of an interesting story of a chained elephant. When a person saw an elephant tied to a pole with a very weak leash, he asked the mahout the reason of elephant not breaking free even though it can do so in single effort as the leash is too weak to offer any resistance. Mahout replied that he tied the elephant with that leash when it was a baby. It tried to break free many times when it was a child but failed as the elephant was not strong enough at that age. And now the elephant doesn't even try because it has developed a pattern in its mind that it cannot break free howsoever hard it may try. So, I open the chain whenever I need the elephant & make it work as per my needs. Once the work is finished, I bring it back here & chain it again. We are more or less like that elephant.

Just like the elephant we remain a prisoner all our life to our limiting belief patterns, to  circumstances, to our routine, to similar job & to many such things. Most of our patterns are difficult to go because we think they are made for us. We don't behave any other way because we don't know any other way. We come to this world a free man but die like a prisoner. What a waste of a life!

"I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will."

                                                                                                                         - Charlotte Bronte. 

Magic Moments- Secret Of A Happy Family

Few questions from all family members -

1) When was the last time you actively watched a cartoon serial with your kids? Actively means you discussed the characters & their funny acts.

2) When was it that you gave a surprise to your spouse? Not necessarily a big surprise in terms of size or cost but in terms of pleasant shock value. 

3) When was the last time you hugged your mother tight & said to her, "You are the best mom of the world."?

4) When was the last time you did something for your father that he always wanted you to do for him but you hated the job?

5) How many times you praise one another in a day?

6) When was the last time that you cancelled all your important appointments because your child insisted you to be with him? 

7) Do you eat together, pray together, go for a walk together or do any such activity? Watching TV together is the worst way to spend time together.

The answers of the above mentioned questions will decide whether you are a happy family or not. Someone may contest the argument saying these are all bookish things and have no impact on family happiness index. He may say that I do none of these but we go for movie or for parent-teacher meeting, watch TV together for two hours daily, or we attend many parties together & we are quite happy. By doing these activities you may seem happy but your happiness is not real or is short-lived. You are happy as long as the activity is on but the moment activity is over, your happiness is gone. 

So, the question is, "What are the big things that make big difference in improving our family happiness index?" The answer is, "None." Yes, it is not the big things that make a big difference, but the small ones. Your son would cherish the moment more when you prepared a cup of tea early morning for him during his exam than when you bought him a big gift. No doubt, he will remember the later one as well but only if it is combined with compassion & has some surprise element. He would not remember it if he insisted on it & you had no other option but to buy it for him. This is why surprise element is a big factor in improving family happiness index. This is the most important but the most ignored factor. 

Another way of improving happiness index is to create some magic moments. What is magic? It is doing something which is unexpected, pleasant to see & defies logic. Do the same with your family members & the more you do it, happier your family gets. One example of magic moment can be stopping a car by the road side all of a sudden & buying a rose bud for your daughter or for your wife to express your love for her. Remember, it has to be unexpected & pleasant. Again, value of the gift would be measured not by the cost but by the surprise element.

One more way to make a family happy is to share & communicate. It is surprising how much this small tip can shift your family life. Find some time to have a light conversation, crack a joke or tell them some inspiring story. Many a time we confuse communication with gossiping. Constructive conversation is about self while gossiping is about others.
In terms of setting priorities for life, family should always top the list. Many a time, I hear people saying I do everything for my family. It is a fallacy; an excuse to hide one's failure to give due attention to family. You don't need to sacrifice your life for your family; you only need to give them some magic moments & trust me, they will remember those moments for whole of their life & would love you no end.

De-Generation Gap

We are living in the age of conflicts, most of which originate from misunderstanding. We have conflicts between two nations, between different communities, between states & provinces. Conflicts don't add anything to our life but they give us a lot of pain. And when the conflict is in the family, it pains us the most. When we live together, there is bound to be difference of thoughts & opinions & the difference is more when people belong to different age group. This difference is not because of difference in age but because of different mind-set. One generation is risk-friendly, wants to achieve its goals at any cost, believes in YOLO (You Only Live Once) philosophy. The other generation is risk-averse, lives an easy-paced life & thinks they know more because they have passed more years than their counterparts. The cause of conflict is that both are looking at the world from different platforms. Their views clash because their perspective differs.

This can be resolved if both the generation meet somewhere in the middle & try to change their own perspective rather than trying to change other's. Parents need to understand that they too were young only a few years back & they had same weaknesses & challenges that the younger generation is now putting up with. If you can't be in their shoes, try to be in your own old shoes. 

"Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it." 

                                                                                                                                - Dr Haim Ginott

Their argument is, since they have committed the mistakes in their youth & have experienced the pains, they don't want the generation next to go through the same. But they forget that in the process of safeguarding them from the pain, they are giving heartaches to themselves. Moreover, forcing the issue will be more harmful than letting them fail & learn. 

"People never learn anything by being told; they have to find out for themselves." 

                                                                                                                                   - Paulo Coelho

Sometimes, children complain that their parents behave like children. In fact, as they grow old, they do behave so. They are also going through a transition phase & need compassion & understanding. They pampered you a lot in your childhood; what about returning the favor? If they are talking about discipline, it is because they want you to achieve your goals. Remember, the banks of the river ultimately help the river to flow towards ocean. An overflowing river is not only bad for others, but also self-destructive. Many a time we do things that our parents warn us against & pay a heavy price. 

"Every generation thinks that it has the answers, and every generation is humbled by nature."

                                                                                                                                    - Phillip Lubin  
Once both the generations make a paradigm shift, their worlds will change & most of the ideas which seemed out-dated or outrageous would appear quite logical. Remember, it is always easier to change one's own vision than changing the whole world of the other person.

Happiness Vitamin- B1

Whole life people chase happiness but only few blessed souls are able to find it. And they find it at the most unexpected place- under their own feet. It is strange that we chase happiness all over the place and find it in a small corner of our big heart. Most of the people don't realize that happiness is an inside job; it is not connected to anything external. And this happens because we don't understand happiness; we mistake it for temporary pleasure that we derive from material things. Most of the time, our happiness is dependent on people, things & circumstances. All these factors are outside our control. In short, we give control of our happiness to factors not controlled by us & rue the fact that we are not happy & become what people or circumstances make us.

First step that a person should take to be happy is to stop chasing it. When you chase happiness, you look for it in the outside world. Do the opposite. Forget about getting happy; just be happy. Yes, be happy! I know it is easier said than done but I also know there is no other way to be happy. When we live our routine life, we encounter situations which give us a lot of pain, make us gloomy & hit hard. The more we try to forget these, the deeper we get into this mess. We cannot wish the bitter situation away but we can definitely move ourselves away from people or situations that make us sad. On the contrary, we think only about the people who pained us or cheated us. When someone tells us to forget the bad chapter of our life & move ahead, our response is, "Forget? Someone ruined my life & you are asking me to forget it!" The fact is he is yet not over
with you or, to rephrase it more logically, you are yet not over with him. He might have gone away from you but you are still carrying him on your back. Now, you are carrying him even longer & he is getting heavier & heavier. What about him? May be he has moved on with his life or he is enjoying the ride! Whatever the case, it doesn't affect him much but your life is a virtual hell. If you can't reject the situation, accept it. And the first step of accepting any bitter situation is to forgive the person who caused the bad situation. The moment you do it, you will feel lighter as the monkey you were carrying is now off your back. Now enjoy your life and realize that you are responsible for all the happy & painful moments in your life. This one thought will give you a lot of happiness.    

    "The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance. The wise grows it under his feet." 

                                                                                                                            - James Openheim

Secondly, try to understand happiness. It is not a thing but an emotion. And emotions cannot be bought, borrowed or stolen. Emotions have to be felt & spread. Sometimes, we confuse happiness with pleasure. Happiness is a long-term emotion while pleasure comes & goes. When you watch a movie, you experience whole range of emotions but you generally get over these as soon as movie ends. You know it is not for real. Similarly, the pleasure we derive from materialistic pursuits doesn't last long. On the contrary, happiness that you derive by achieving some personal goal or by spending quality time with your family is long-term & you cherish those moments whole of your life. This is the reason that life is not lived in years but in moments.

Remember, happiness is optional & it starts with you. If you are happy, the world around you becomes happy but not the other way round. So, start from self. Be happy to make others happy.

Change It Now

How often do we find people cribbing about bad habits, circumstances or people around them? But hardly do we find them taking action to bring about a change. They like to maintain the status quo because they find it difficult to change. There are three basic reasons why people avoid change- 

1) They strongly believe they cannot change.

2) They don't find a strong enough reason to change.

3) They don't have discipline to bring the change.

First reason is the commonest of all for people not to change. Most of the people very strongly believe in being the same person year after year. They think old habits are the result of years of actions & it will take same number of years to get rid of these. This is a wrong notion. We don't form habits intentionally; they just happen. And because we don't have power of intention behind formation of those habits, they take a long time to form. On the contrary, when you want to change something, you have an intention which propels you to a jet-paced change in the desired direction. As long as you believe you cannot change; you don't change. So, change in the mindset is necessary for any change to take place. 

The power of intention comes only when someone has a powerful reason to change. Quite often, people don't change because they don't find a strong internal reason to change. It has been seen time & again that the moment someone finds a reason to change, even the most obstinate habits give way to new ones. It doesn't take much time. At times, it happens in a moment. So many times we see in a family that despite our best efforts a child doesn't get up early in the morning. You give him all kinds of reasons to get up with the lark & study, all in vain. But the day you have to go for a picnic early morning, he is the guy who wakes you up! How did this change take place?  It all happened because he got a strong reason to change his old & obstinate habit, albeit for a day. So, if you want to change something in you, find a strong & rational reason to do so & the rest will take care of itself. Also attach a lot of pleasure to the benefits of change that will take place. This will work as a big motivating factor to go in the direction of change.

Third reason for change not taking place is lack of discipline. How often it happens that we start something new with much fanfare but it goes up in smoke? Quite often! And the reason for not sustaining the new habit is that we don't have the required discipline to go the distance. We operate most of our life by desire, by impulse. Discipline teaches us to operate it by principles. Discipline, therefore, is the most important cog in the wheel of change. 

If we strongly believe that we can do something repeatedly, knowingly, for a strong reason & for a certain period which is long enough to develop a new habit that is based on principle rather than on desire, we would bring a meaningful change in our life. 

Ego Consciousness To God Consciousness

There have been many theories of how human life came into being. But the best one is which suggests that we came from an energy field known by different people & sects by different names. Some call it God; some other name it soul or pure consciousness. A child is the best example of this pure consciousness as he is bereft of any humanly characteristics like greed, want, anger, resentment etc. He is not from God; he is God. He is in harmony with nature's law & his frequency matches with that of divinity. If we are in harmony with this source, we will have all the attributes that a soul has. This source is infinite & eternal. 

The trouble begins when we move from pure consciousness to ego consciousness. Pure consciousness encompasses all while ego consciousness is limited to self. When we hang out to those false ideas of ego, we reject everyone, become judgmental about others & get misaligned. Now, we start working with a different frequency which is aligned to more worldly pursuits. We start our human experience & start thinking in terms of materialistic goals. Ego consciousness keeps us away from everyone else & tries to create a false world which is self-centered & is all excluding. We want to have more, win more & be more. 

On the contrary when we stay connected to God consciousness, we become formless, changeless & deathless. We are limitless & our soul wants us to achieve more than we can dream. We don't walk; we fly because we are light. While ego consciousness is about having, wanting & collecting, God consciousness is about giving, abnegating & sharing. Ego consciousness thinks in terms of attaining power; God consciousness thinks in terms of giving power to others. God consciousness is about serving, loving & getting detached from outcome.

The best part is that this human experience is only a small dot in the eternity of our spiritual journey. And if we can merge this dot into eternity by making this experience also a spiritual one, we would serve our cause of coming to this planet. 

Wonderland

One of the side-effects of gaining knowledge is losing our sense of looking at things from a different perspective. At times, knowledge tends to imply, though mistakenly, that we have known all that is needed to be known. The fact is we don't know even 1% of our own being, leave apart the rest of the world. The vision of some people gets narrower & narrower as they gain more & more knowledge. The world looks a dreary place to them simply because they lose their sense of wonder which, by far, is the greatest of all human attributes. We miss the grand spectacle of nature around us & lead a monotonous life. 

When we miss to observe as simple a thing as a raindrop, we don't miss only a raindrop; we miss a universe in the raindrop. With the help of a very powerful microscope, scientists have documented that there are hundreds of life-forms in each raindrop. They are of different colors, shapes & sizes & each one of these has unique characteristics. This is not to say that when we observe a raindrop, we are able to see these life-forms; this is to carry home the point that when we miss a raindrop, we miss a whole universe. Same way we miss the miracles happening around us every day. And then we complain about life being boring.
"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life will change.
                                                                                                                      -Buddha
 If we could observe the miracle of a flower blooming or a blade of grass coming out slowly; life would be a wonderland every moment.  We don't see the same things again & again every day; we miss different things every moment. There is so much to see & appreciate around us if we open our eyes to this beauty. This will happen when we attain the real wisdom; when we accept nature as the center of universe & human-being as the most wonderful creation of God. 

"Mystery creates wonder & wonder is the basis of man's desire to understand."

                                                                                                               -Neil Armstrong

All the great inventors, scientists, explorers had one thing common in them & that was their sense of mystery for the unknown. They went for the unknown because they believed that there existed something they were not able to see but that didn't deterred them to believe it. In fact, this sense of wonder became the basis for most of their research. What we see today is only 1% of the universe; what we miss is more than 99%. 

Laughing Matters

Do you know someone who doesn't smile much? How do you feel in his company? Now think of someone who laughs a lot; cracks a lot of jokes & remains cheerful, no matter what circumstances. What difference do you find between the two?

The basic difference between the people who struggle to laugh & who laugh a lot is of the way they live their life. I am not talking about being successful or being a failure. Success & failure are quite subjective & at times, it is difficult to know whether one is successful or a failure from the things one possesses. A person is an utter failure if he has huge wealth but doesn't know how to enjoy life. On the contrary a monk might feel quite successful with no more than clothes to show as his possession. 

Robert Frost was right on the button when he said, 
                                "If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane."

In fact, people who don't laugh are, in a way, insane. They may not be mentally ill but emotionally they are. They don't live their life; they only pass it. And when you pass your life, you waste it. The tragedy of life is not that we have got only one life to live; the real tragedy is not knowing how to live it. You will often hear these people complaining about others not taking their lives seriously. They think they were successful because they were serious. They mistake seriousness for sincerity. They need to be told that life is not a serious matter & needs to be taken sincerely but lightly. Laugh a bit; bunk a few classes if you are a student; play some pranks, dance in the rain & never take life too seriously or you will go insane sooner than later.

Another positive aspect of people who laugh often is that they are an open book. They don't hide anything & therefore are quite trustworthy. They don't lead a worried or hurried life as they live in the 'now' and generally don't carry the burden of today or tomorrow. Since, they are cheerful they are natural heart-warmers. Everyone likes to be in the company of such people as they radiate cheerfulness all around.  

The only treatment of an emotionally ill person is a big laugh every now & then & a sound sleep at bed time!   

           "A good laugh & a long sleep are the two best cures for anything." - Irish Proverb

Real Happiness

One of the major aims of human life is to be happy. And the irony is the more we go after it, the farther it gets from us. We look for happiness in our bank balance, in a palatial house, in a luxury car. And more often than not, these very things rob us of whatever happiness we had before possessing these. How many times you have heard people saying," I was happier when I was not a rich man."? Why is it so that things which were supposed to bring joy attract untold miseries into our life? And the answer is because we misunderstand happiness.

All our life we chase happiness assuming it to be a thing, not an emotion. Things can give you comfort, they may bring security into your life, these may attract more people into your life; but things cannot bring happiness if you don't share these with others. Our basic instinct with things is that of hoarding, not of sharing. We think, the more things we collect, the happier we will get. In fact, it is the other way round. The more things we share, the more joy we attract into our life. Because, when we share things, we also send the emotions of happiness towards the other person. And the gratitude that he shows for the gift that he gets brings double joy in our life. 

Another thing to remember about happiness is that happiness of another person is essential to our own. It is as contagious as sadness is. You cannot feel happy if people around you are gloomy. How many times it happens that you are in a jolly mood & you hear the news of some natural disaster or some accident that brings misery to other people, you too go into depression? The disaster might have taken place on the other side of the globe & it has no bearing on your life but it affects you badly. It is because emotions don't know barriers or boundaries; they travel faster than light & affect all who come in contact. 

All the happiness that we presume to have got from success vanishes into thin air the moment we face another failure. It is because this happiness doesn't come from within; it originates from an outside source. So, the moment that source goes away, happiness also goes with it. Real happiness comes from within & flows out. If a person is really happy, people around him start feeling happy. They don't have negative emotions like jealousy, want, greed etc. They also want to be as happy as the other person but not at the cost of his happiness. Like water, happiness also flows from higher source to the lower. So, if you are happier than others, you should be making people around you happier. And you will also bathe in their reflected happiness!

Future Perfect

The only thing certain about future is that it is not certain. We cannot predict how we are going to live our tomorrow. If we can't do it for ourselves, how can we be sure about the future of our kids? In a way, we can be. The best way to be sure about their future is to take care of their present & prepare them for the future. 

One big challenge before us is the speed of change that we are witnessing today & it is not going to get any slower. The world that we witness today was not imagined by any of us. No one had predicted that a phenomenon like Google will be born & will so fast become a verb or we will play with concepts like iphone & You Tube. So, our parents were preparing us for a different future;in fact a much obsolete future than we are into today. But most of us got ready for this future before it arrived. How come? The genesis of this adaptation lies in our upbringing. 

The best way to train our children for future is to give them some attributes that will not change under any circumstances. Instead of giving them road map or a clock, give them a compass as it will always head North. While the clock tells us what to do in a given time frame, compass represents basic values & principles. If we can teach these basic principles to our children in order to have following endowments, we would secure their future.

First endowment is self-awareness. A child should be made aware about his present so that he is clear about his future. He should be taught to be responsible for his own environment. It can be done by giving him responsibilities that he carries out on his own. It will develop his self-esteem which will work as a support system in challenging situations.

Second endowment is a pure conscience. The fact is that a child has the purest of conscience & we cannot add anything to it. If we can protect his conscience & not pollute it, we would have done a great favor to him.

Third endowment is an independent will. If we can give the child a will do be independent; to take his decisions in most trying situations, we would succeed in our endeavor to give him a safe future.

"The mother child relationship is paradoxical and, in a sense, tragic. It requires the most intense love on the mother's side, yet this very love must help the child grow away from the mother, and to become fully independent." - Erich Fromm

And the last attribute that we can gift our children is creative imagination. He should know how to create his own world & how to build his own future. He should learn that imagination is more important than knowledge. The knowledge that he gathers may not be useful in his future but the imagination that he will build will create his own world.

If we could gift these attributes to our children, we would definitely prepare them for a bright future. 

Trust Yourself

Man is a reservoir of a huge untapped potential. He can do some unthinkable things if he realizes his real power. The challenge lies in knowing that you know. Most of the people fail to attempt something new because of a low self-esteem. Man is not born with a low self-esteem; on the contrary a child is a super human being. He achieves remarkable feats in his childhood; starting with using his hands to hold things, crawling, walking, speaking and many other similar acts. By the time he turns four, he becomes independent in terms of his daily activities. As he grows up he learns to read, write, paint & many such activities that require use of his brain. Later on he learns skills like cycling, swimming, working on a computer etc. These may seem ordinary or routine learning from the point of view of a grown up person. But if you look it from a child's point of view, these would look astonishing. It is when he thinks that he has achieved all that he could, he stops learning. Now he wants to settle down & 'enjoy life'.

There are two crucial moments in the life of a man- First, when he thinks that he has known enough & secondly, when he thinks he doesn't know much. When a person thinks that he has known enough to pass a happy life, he starts doing exactly the same- he starts passing life instead of living it. He thinks he has learnt enough & there is not much left to learn or even if he learns more, it won't be of much use. This fallacy becomes his undoing & then on, he leads an ordinary life.

Second crucial moment comes in his life when he thinks he doesn't know much & therefore is capable to perform only few things which most of the 'normal' people perform. This is much bigger a tragedy than the first one. This stops all his development despite having a lot of potential to grow exponentially. He alone is not responsible for this state. Environment around him plays a huge role in making him think so. He doesn't listen to the outside world as a child & therefore achieves a lot. But, he is constantly advised, guided & instructed by people around him to behave like a normal person and he becomes one. What a loss! He doesn't attempt anything which might be branded outrageous for the fear of rejection. He stops accepting challenges for the fear of failure. Ultimately, he stops trusting himself.

Trust in one's abilities is the biggest attribute of a person & when it is gone, the person ceases to exist. He only breathes air, consumes food but fails to lead a meaningful life. On the contrary, if he could preserve attributes of trusting himself, his capabilities & his instinct, he would live a life of real bliss & would see miracles happening in his life every day. Trusting self is akin to trusting God & doubting self is no less a sin than doubting intention of Almighty who sent you on earth as a human being to live a life of bliss.

Showing The Path- The Right Way

The best stage of learning is considered to be childhood. It is in this stage that a human being not only learns most but also retains it for maximum period. Most of our mannerisms, our speech habits etc. are learnt in this stage. And the reason is that he is not made to learn by telling or teaching. He is not told to pick an object and he is not taught how to walk. He is shown the way to do these activities & he copies the acts to perfection. He is involved in the activity. Most of the things that he learns during childhood stick to his memory for a long time. Not that these activities are simple & easy. It is a complex issue for a child to pick the cup & take it to his lip to drink something. Most of the things that we do for the first time are complex for us because our mind is not ready for the action. It is when we get into the thick of action that mind starts learning the process & does the activity with greater ease.

Three common ways of guiding a person is by telling, by teaching & by involving him in the learning process. The objective in all the three processes is the same & almost same degree of efforts is required in all three processes. So what are the major differences & why learning by involvement yields best results? Let's take one at a time.

When we tell a child to do something, we are standing at different pedestals. As soon as I start telling him to do something, I declare that I am superior to you. And this one action takes the child miles away from the real process. He treats the teller as an outsider who is trying to disturb his natural way of learning. It might look that he is following your commands but from inside he is rejecting you. These emotions hamper his learning and he retains only part of the process that might be useful to him & rejects the rest. 

The second way of guiding a child is by teaching him. Again there is a yawning chasm between the learner & the guide. What happens in most of our schools is not learning but only collection of knowledge for some purpose. Our children become no more than a dustbin of knowledge. Through this method we only dump information into their heads. By & by, child starts taking the school as a knowledge center & not a learning center. A child listens to a teacher not because he considers him to be genuine but because he doesn't have a choice to reject him. In fact, most of the students consider internet to be a better choice than a teacher because to the former they can give command while they take commands from the later. Education is not about imparting knowledge; it is about making him find the light.

            "Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel." - Socrates

The best way of learning is through active involvement of the child. When we involve a child in the whole process, he identifies himself easily with the guide- be it a parent or a teacher. His whole body responds positively as there is no competition. Both the teacher & the learner are standing at the same platform & understand things from each other's perspective. This process lays stress on sharing. Sometimes the child considers himself to be a teacher when the guide asks him questions to test whether he has imbibed the learning. He takes joy in telling the answer in detail & because the guide is also involved, he appreciates the child. So, both the child & the guide enjoy this process. Learning becomes a matter of joy, not compulsion. And the biggest benefit is that the child not only learns what is being taught through this method but also how to be a good teacher. Since he likes the behavior of the guide, he tries to be the same & thus a flame is kindled for next generation.

    "Kids don't remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are." 

                                                                                                                      - Jim Henson

Time Out

Ever observed people on a red light? You will see most of the people waiting anxiously for the red light to turn green. So much so that they keep their vehicles on, so that they don't waste a single moment when the light turns green. Some are furious & cursing the futility of these unnecessary stoppages as they like life to be smooth & non-stop. And as soon as the light turns green, they press the gas and zoom pass the crossing. Their joy is short-lived as they meet another traffic signal and find almost same vehicles around them that they zoomed past on last crossing. They start cursing again & the journey continues. 

We are a generation with red-light mentality. Our life has a lot of similarity with traffic signal. We want to reach our destination too fast but have too little time. So, time management is a hot issue. In fact, it is not the time management but life management that needs to be addressed. Once life is managed, time will manage itself. After all, we all have 24 hours a day; you minus 8 hours of sleep & are left with 16 hours of active time to manage, or manage your life so that you make best use of these 16 hours. 

Stephen Covey, in his monumental work on time management, 'First things First', categorized people based on the way they approach life vis-a-vis time. First category is of people who are largely dependent on reminder-tools like clocks & watches. These tools are not very effective as these only work to alert the person about the job in hand; but is of not much help to perform the job efficiently. 

Second generation is of people who manage their time according to calendars and appointment books. Their goals are also set based on these and hence, never have long term goals in their life. Third generation includes people who plan, prioritize & control activities on daily basis. This method implies spending some time in clarifying values & other priorities. This method can be used to achieve daily goals. But to achieve long term life-goals one should adopt the fourth method which is being efficient & proactive in using any of the above tools. It places importance to goals & roles and plans time accordingly. 

The important thing is not to have 24 hours a day but to 'make' 24 hours a day. It is of utmost importance for all to understand four quadrant that Covey offered to plan your life. First quadrant is the quadrant of necessity which includes tasks that are important & urgent. It includes crises & dead-line driven projects. Try to manage this quadrant the best you can as you cannot afford to ignore this quadrant. Second quadrant is the quadrant of quality & personal leadership which includes tasks that are important but not urgent. This is the most important quadrant as it teaches one to be efficient & proactive but ironically, is also the most ignored quadrant. It covers areas like preparation, planning, prevention, relationships etc. We must spend most of our time in this quadrant.  It might not show immediate result but is very effective to plan life on a long term basis. Third quadrant is the quadrant of deception which is not important but looks very urgent. It includes many interruptions like unnecessary phone calls & other pressing activities. Be careful about this quadrant. These activities may appear urgent in relation to your goals but actually are not, & they consume a lot of your important time. And the fourth & last quadrant is the quadrant of waste. As the name suggests it includes tasks that are neither important nor urgent. It has a lot of trivia, gossips & other time wasters. Avoid this quadrant as much as possible. The more time you spend here, the lesser goals you achieve.

You see, it is again not managing your time but  managing the life which is important. Once we manage our life according to these quadrants, we will not only achieve our goals but will also live a relaxed life. Special thanks to Covey for bringing this to our notice; now it's our turn to implement these & enjoy the life.     

Change Your Outlook; Change Your Life

Most of the time we curse situations, people & their behavior towards us. We spoil our day just because of one odd unsavoury incidence that was not in our control.

For example, you are driving at a normal speed & a young boy overtakes giving you a wry smile as if mocking your slow driving. You take the challenge head on & press the gas. After some distance you are stopped by the traffic police & handed a ticket. You reach office late & are summoned by the boss in his cabin. You get the dressing-down from him & you decide to skip the lunch. You give vent to your anger by shouting at your secretary & have a tiff with your friend on your way home. On reaching home, you see kids watching TV as usual. You admonish them for their TV watching habit & hold your wife responsible for their behavior. She gets cross with you & shuts & goes into room banging the door on you. You have a real bad day.

Rewind the scene; you are driving at a normal speed & a car overtakes you with driver giving you a wry smile as if mocking your slow driving. You ignore him taking him to be a young boy unable to control adrenaline rush & wave at him wishing him good luck. You see a traffic police handing him a ticket for speeding. You reach office on time & get absorbed in your work. Your boss calls you in his cabin to give you a new responsibility. You thank him for showing trust on you. You are complemented by your colleagues & hugged by your friend.  You have a nice drive with your friend reminiscing about the past. You reach home and decide to  celebrate your day with your family outside. You take them to a nearby restaurant & have dinner. Your wife tells you that you are the best husband of the world. You have a real good day.

Look how your day changed with the change in your outlook. This incidence may be imaginary but something like this happens in our life day in & day out. A small innocuous trigger spoils our day & funnily most of the time the incidence is caused by others & is not in our control. The other person might have not meant what we perceived or he might have not meant the same degree that we perceived. The young boy quoted above might have only smiled but two different outlooks created two diagonally opposite scenarios. Spoiling a day is understandable but people spoil their whole life because they attach so much importance to one incidence & refuse to change their outlook. They don't realize that the person who caused the incidence might not even remember it. Who is at loss?  

Same goes true for circumstances. One man sees these as hurdles while other looks at the same as opportunities. It will be puerile to conclude that outlook changes circumstances; it doesn't. But it does change the way you react to circumstances & that makes all the difference. Whether you are standing at the beginning of a road or at the end of it depends a lot on which way you are facing.

In The Company Of Self

A man is not only known by the company he keeps; he is also shaped by it. There are few things in life that you cannot choose e.g. you can't choose your parents or your siblings; but you can always make a choice about your friends. We spend a lion's share of our time with our friends & they influence our thinking, our behavior & ultimately our life. 

"Choose with whom to be accompanied; it's your free choice,

  Choose with whom not to be accompanied; it's your right."   - Angel Gutierrez

Though it is important that we choose people that we spend our time with, more pertinent is to choose people that we should keep the distance from. Both are choices; but of different kinds. The former one is to help & support you in your cause; the later one is to save you from people who take you away from your purpose. The former choice is an easy deal as you only have to select a group of people from a large pool who not only are your type but also share the same purpose or at least, second the cause that you are living for & are ready to die for. Keeping away from people who play a spoil-sport is a real task. Sometime, you do it quietly but some time you need to look them in their eyes & tell them to their face," I don't need any of your crap & perhaps don't need you as well."

In case, you don't find anyone who shares your vision, your calling, not to worry. There is someone inside you who is always ready to talk to you. Have frequent conversation with him. In fact, he is the best pal that one has got but irony is he is one of the most ignored one also. He suggests & shouts but his voice is muffled by the outside noise. Despite our continuous ignoring him, he doesn't keep quiet & wants to continue the conversation. The only problem is that we are busy talking to someone else. Sometimes, solitude can be a real gift; something to treasure. It is when you are alone that you can have a dialogue with your inner self. Keep aside thirty minutes for this pal inside you & the best time to spend time with him is in the morning. This is the time when you have no other disturbance to muffle this voice.

            "I have never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude."

                                                                                                               -Henry David Thoreau

Live Out Loud

The fact of life is that we have only one life to live but another fact is that one life is more than enough provided we know how to live it. Most of the time we pass our life for others or for a wrong cause. By the time we realize that I didn't live my life but someone else did, it is too late.

There has been a long debate on what influences the life of an individual more; nature or nurture ie. his heredity or his environmental factors. No doubt both play a definite role in the making of an individual. Genes may give an individual the color of his eyes, pitch of his voice, to some extent his IQ. On the other hand his environment nurtures his mannerism, his gait & many other personality traits. It is argued that it's the interaction of both nature & nurture, genes & environment that decides the development of a person.

 If this be the case, what is the role of a person in his life? He cannot decide his genes & he is also not in control of his environment, so whose life does he live anyway? What he gets from heredity & his environment is very small aspect of his life; what he makes of that he gets determines his life. This is what separates ordinary from extraordinary; an average man from a genius; and an ordinary life from a life of purpose. The best part is that he has full control on his thinking, his feeling, his attitude & his actions. So why do we complain about people or circumstances shaping our life? We just pass the buck. After all, it sounds better to say that my circumstances were such that I could not study further than to say that I did not study further. People don't take control of our life; we give control of our life to people. The results in our life are the consequence of our actions which originate from our feelings & our thoughts. People have control over their actions; they have no control on what I think of their actions & how do I feel. 

Successful people were those who lived their life their way & they lived it loud. They never bothered about the noise outside because their inner voice was much louder than that noise. They cared least what people spoke of them once they decided that they were living a life of purpose. They might not have been the wealthiest or the most powerful but they were, undoubtedly, the happiest people & to them that was the only thing that mattered. They did what they wanted to do without hurting others. Their success was not their success; it influenced a large section of humanity. They lived, loved & left a legacy. 

"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning & gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do." - Bob Dylan 

Reverse Evolution

When describing man as an animal, we largely point out his physical similarities or differences. We talk about his gait, his mannerism & his instinct as matching those of gorillas & chimps. One basic difference that we, time and again, harp upon is the size of his brain which is considered to be double the size of most of other animals(when measured vis-a-vis body weight). In fact, it is almost three times the size of the brain of a chimpanzee. It has also got well developed neocortex, prefrontal cortex & temporal lobes, making him capable of reasoning, introspection, problem solving etc. This mental capacity combined with adaptation to bipedal locomotion has allowed human being to free his hands and use tools more than any other living species. And this is how we have developed into a society full  of successful people, great inventors, & some powerful nations. Homo Sapiens are not contented with their progress on earth; we have made forays to other planets also to show our dominance there. 

But what we have missed in describing man as an animal are his emotional similarities or differences. Some of  our instincts are similar to animals, eg. flight or fight response. The way we cringe while facing fear or kill our opponent if he threatens our existence. But man also differs largely from other animals as far as his behavior and survival instincts are concerned. Some of these are mentioned below, without any particular order-

1) Man is the only animal that destroys its own abode called earth for its vested interests.

2) Man is the only animal that harms or kills its fellow beings because they don't belong to its social or economic class.

3) Man is the only animal whose desire is never satisfied. On the contrary, it is increased every time it is fed.

5) Man is the only animal that destroys itself for its own pleasure. For how else can you describe people dying of life-style diseases.

6) Man is the only animal that can pretend & cheat its fellow beings at its own sweet will & not feel sorry about it.

These are only few of the differences between man & animal that I could mention for paucity of space. I am sure you must be having many others in your mind. In order to achieve many unrealistic & unnecessary goals, we have forgotten what goals are made for. They are not made to achieve something; they are made to be something. And look what we have become! Aren't we going through a reverse evolution?

Life Goes On

Life is a funny business. The more we try to understand it, the more mysterious it gets. It being mysterious doesn't mean that it is a problem. Far from it, life is a wonderful experience. It has no beginning & no end. As the birth of a child cannot be the beginning of a life, the death can also not be the end point. It comes from a point & merges into it. The only thing definite about life is that it goes on.........

We try to understand life from a subjective point of view. For us, the life revolves around us, some people related to us and that is all. And for this reason when we lose someone, we are pained. We complain about the departure of the person. This happens because of our linear view about life. When we mourn the departure of the person we presume the departed soul to be a human being. While the fact is that all of us come to this earth as a spiritual being to have a human experience. The length of this experience cannot be measured in terms of years; it can only be measured in terms of moments. But the irony is that we ignore the moments & worry about years. Years remind us about death while moments remind us about life. 

All that you get to live is the dash between the year of your birth & the year of your death. Length of the dash is of least importance;beauty of that dash is all that matters. Anyway, you cannot do much about its length but you can add a lot of value to its depth.

"You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width & depth."   - H. L. Mencken 

The other secret of living a healthy life is to live it in now. But most of us either live in past or in future while now is all that we have got. Past is too heavy a burden to carry & future is as unpredictable as death. We don't live in now because it demands abnegation of all possessions. But we are so attached to our possessions that we don't want to shed it at any cost. We know that these possessions are stopping us to fly but still we want to carry it. We forget that we were the lightest at birth and will again be the lightest at death. We make our dash too heavy to float.

The only truth about life is that it has no beginning & no end; that it can only be lived in now; and that it goes on.........

Positive Mental Attitude- A Wonder Drug

Have you ever noticed that some days start on a bad note & end up on the same? Ever tried to figure out the reason? If you remember any such day, try to find out the first thought that came to your mind on that day. More often than not you will find that the first thought was not a positive one. And that was your mood-setter for the day. On the contrary some days pass as if they were gifted to you. And the reason is the same. The beginning of the day must have been a positive one.

You may get out of bed on the wrong side, but what stops you to go to bed with a happy mood? The answer is- YOU. Our first thought might have been a trigger to some incidence. It could be an unexpected phone call, bad tea or may be not sleeping properly the night before. Whatever be the reason, the result is same- a depressing day forward. It will be wrong to attribute all your trouble to that initial trigger. No doubt, it started it all but that is the only thing that it did. Rest of the job was done by you. Your spouse unintentionally says you something that hurts; you give it back to her; she starts sulking & shouts at kids; kids get offended; skip their breakfast; you rush to your office; meet traffic on the way; someone tries to overtake you; you stop his way & give him a piece of your mind; you reach office late; your boss behaves like a cat on hot tin roof; you also retort & decide to chuck your job. Sounds similar? It might have not happened exactly in the same sequence or the actions that ensued might have been different but the result must have been pretty depressing.

What causes ugly situation in your life & many a time becomes the source of depression? Some action by others? Their attitude towards you? Your circumstances? None! It is your attitude towards yourself & others that decides your life. What happens to you is only a small portion of your life. How you react to what happens to you determines your life. You don't have control over others or their reactions but you have full control over your attitude towards others & their actions. 

Millions of people suffer from depression, pain & heartaches & remain on treatment life-long. What they don't understand is that treatment is only one of the ways to control depression. Along with medical treatment, they should also give themselves some mental treatment & change their view about life. Life is as beautiful or ugly as you make it & your life is made only by you, not by some obscure figure or reason in your life.

Live To Dream

Living is an art & unfortunately many are not experts in same. We live as if we have come here to exist forever & try to be the richest or the most powerful. We want to have all that we can in terms of material possessions. We reject the concept of body being transient & soul eternal. But when the D-day arrives, we wish we could have lived a little longer to do tasks that were left unattended. We dream too late & too little.

Man is a born dreamer. A child has got billion dreams in his eyes & for that reason he thinks more in terms of possibilities than in terms of impossibilities. He thinks he can do anything & achieve anything. He doesn't hesitate asking for a moon, literally; & cries if he doesn't get it. But as he grows up, he listens to the noise outside which largely suggests impossibilities of things & discourages him to be a dreamer. The noise outside subdues his natural instinct of being a dreamer. It also suggests him to dream when he grows up & indicates towards futility of dreaming as a child. He is told time & again that he has many years to live & when he will grow up he will have power to make all his wishes come true. We not only kill many dreams but also tell him that he has an eternity to pass on this earth. Very soon he gets into a mindset that encourages material pursuits of things & discourages spiritual living.

He starts living for the future. He studies well so that he lands a plush job; gets a job so that he has all the comforts of life; and buys comfort at the cost of happiness. Soon he gets caught in the rut and finds hard to get out of it. Not that he doesn't want happiness or satisfaction in his life but he doesn't set his priority right. For him security comes before happiness; so job always gets preference over family. And by the time he realizes, it's already too late. 

            "Shop for security over happiness, and you buy it at that price." - Richard Bach

We dream as if we are running out of time & live as if we will live for hundred years. We think that we can afford to commit all sins in order to make our dreams come true & will have a long life to make amends later. If only we could learn to reverse the process. Live each moment as if this is the only moment you have. Dream as if you have an eternity to pass.  

Friend Or Enemy

More people have been killed in wars than in any other calamity. Earth has witnessed innumerable wars, suffered immeasurable damage & borne the brunt of unrepentant human race. All the wars took place not because one side didn't agree to the views of another or because one religion opposed another; it happened because two people didn't see eye to eye with each other. They might follow same religion, might be from same country or family; yet be at daggers drawn. So, what makes them go against each other?

Man is an emotional animal. We take most of our decisions with heart. Not that we don't use our head or don't want to use it but whenever we confront an ugly situation or a person who thinks differently or speak something which is not in sync with our thoughts, we tend to fly into a rage. We want to behave logically but our head stops functioning. This is described as emotional hijacking. This happens when we give control of our mind, the center of our logical ability, to someone else. With our head gone, we are left with only our heart to function & it does so by reacting not by responding.

There is nothing wrong with taking help of your heart. In fact, emotional quotient is a very important tool to read the success graph of a person. But the problem is how we allow it to function; to our advantage or to our disadvantage. This will primarily depend upon the kind of feelings we have for another person. The root cause of hating a person doesn't lie with his color, creed, gender or religion, but with how we empathize with that person. When a child is born, he is emotionally connected to everyone so much so that he cries seeing others in pain. But as he grows up he starts realizing that the pain is not his own but someone else's. He doesn't know how to deal with this emotion but he still empathizes with others. By and by, his emotions for others start dying or are confined only to a few. Now he starts making distinction between his family & other's family, his religion & other's religion, his school of thought & other's way of thinking. He forgets that he was one with all when he came into this world. In short, the empathy in him dies.

If we can keep this emotion alive; if we can understand other's emotion rather than his actions, we would make more friends than enemies. In fact, converting an enemy into a friend will be a cake-walk.