Be The First Class You

Most of our life we try to achieve hard what others have achieved, to be what others look like & to copy what most others do. In the process we lose our own identity which by far is our most precious possession. We live in a world full of copy-cats & also-rans. But there are few who don't belong to this category. They are different in their approach & that is the reason they are different in their achievements. 

There is nothing wrong in modeling your life after someone who has been a success in some field. In fact, this is one of the secrets of a successful life. Following someone is not bad as long as we don't lose our own style. Choosing someone as a role-model is altogether a different proposition. A role model inspires you while someone you copy kills you. We start valuing the person more than we value ourselves. If we don't value self, we don't value anything that belongs to us-our time, our relationship, our uniqueness & most importantly our self-esteem. The other problem with this kind of life is that we become what others want us to be. In short, we give control of our life to others. The world is continuously trying to make us someone else & the real achievement is to resist the pressure of the external world & listen to the voice of the world inside you. Emerson said it quite succinctly when he declared, 

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

When we try to copy someone, we kill all our creative & intellectual resources. We start seeing the world from the eyes of someone else. And after a prolonged exposure to someone else's vision, we start living his life. We think & act on the commands of others. We become the genie in the lamp that has immense powers but can't do anything for himself as he is always busy pleasing others. The only original words that you hear from him is, "Your wish is my command." And when we live this kind of life we waste the most beautiful gift given by God- our life.

         "Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are."- Marilyn Monroe  

Soul-Talking

Everyone craves for a life full of wonders & to seek that we run everywhere & to everyone. But more often than not we feel disenchanted and come back to our own abode to find that the world that we were seeking out was within, waiting for us to return. It is sure that one day we will come back & seek asylum in the comforting confines of our soul. And then we only wonder why we failed to notice the light within & lived in darkness. 

One day, I decided to do some soul-searching & had an interesting dialogue with my soul. 

When probed why don't we see the light even though we want it badly, it answered, "My dear child, the light that is there can't be seen; it can only be felt & to feel this light one needs to have a soul that is devoid of all impurities. It has to be as fresh & pure as a newly bloomed flower."

Then I questioned, "Why didn't I notice it when I was a child? I met all the requirements to notice the light."

And it whispered into my ear,"You noticed it in your initial years. This is why it is said that a child is closest to God. But you started ignoring it soon as your vision was blinded by the external influences. And once that happened, you closed your eyes forever to ignore it & engaged in material pursuits."

But I was not to be defeated so easily. I continued pestering my soul, "But you could have talked to me. After all, you are my soul. It is your duty to guide me whenever you think I am heading towards the wrong direction."

It smiled as if to tease me, "My dear child, I was continuously talking to you as I am talking now. But my voice was muffled by the noise outside. What you call intuition was me talking to you. But you ignored that too."

"But I said my prayers regularly. Then, what is the difference between prayer & intuition?" asked I.

It answered, "You said your prayers that is why you had a strong intuition. Prayer is you talking to God & intuition is God talking to you."

"So, how am I able to listen your voice now?", questioned I.

It smiled again & replied, "Because now you understand that the real world is within you. All that you seek is within;rest all is a mirage."

And then feeling frustrated & tired, I demanded, "Why are you giving these answers now? "

It replied softly, "Because you are asking the questions now. And 'now' is all that matters. Don't regret; don't fret over what you have lost. Rejoice over what you are going to experience now."

You Cant Grow, But I Can

The biggest proof of life is growth. If someone is not busy growing, he is surely busy dying. The basic difference between objects & human beings is that while objects only decay, human beings have the option of growing. We are not talking about growth in social status or financial standing but growing in mind, body & soul.
The first big area that we should concentrate upon is mind & man starts to grow naturally in this particular area from his early childhood. In fact he grows best when he is young & has not achieved much. The problem begins when he starts thinking that he has learnt enough to pass rest of his life easily & he exactly does that- he only passes his life. Another difference between a child & a grown up man is that while a child's learning is multidimensional, a man's growth is uni-dimensional. He learns only in the area of his work & cuts himself off from rest of the areas. There is nothing wrong in specializing in one particular field, but limiting oneself only to that field will limit one's achievements only to that area. 
Second important area to grow is in the body which surely doesn't mean to become stronger or to live longer. It only means to lead a healthy & disease free life as long as one lives. It is funny that to gain material pursuits we compromise with our health & to regain the same level of health that we had before the compromise, we are ready to let go of all our wealth, but in vain. Most of us settle for a diamond-studded wheel chair! Not getting time for exercise is like not getting time to get your tank filled when you know your vehicle will run out of petrol sooner than later.
"Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness."
                                                                                                                   - Edward Stanley
The third and the most important area to grow is soul. Surprisingly, we don't have to do anything extraordinary to achieve growth in this area. If we learn to live simply without making much efforts, we will grow. If we have to learn something, it is stillness of mind not the speed. 
"To understand the immeasurable, the mind must be extraordinarily quiet, still. 
                                                                                                                  - Jiddu Krishnamurti
The only objective of meditation is being quiet, being still & being in peace with self. Instead of pushing for life, let the life come slowly; let each moment approach you as if it were made only for you & immerse yourself into it.  
In order to live an abundant life, it is important that we channelize all our energy to grow in these areas & the rest of your life will take care of itself.

No One Is Better Than You

We spend major part of our life competing with others, being one-up with our fellow human beings & doing things to impress everyone. While the reality is that no one is more important than you. We live a life driven by external sources & ignore the one who holds the key to a contented life. We want a plush job, a palatial home, an extravagant lifestyle not to impress ourselves but to seek attention of others. While doing so we forget that we pay a heavy price for something that we don't need. We buy luxury at the cost of happiness, promotion at the cost of relationship & wealth at the cost of peace of mind.
We come to this world all alone but find a lot of people around us fighting among them to be the best. And we try to find the meaning of being the best but realize there is no scale to measure the best of anything. We get more confuse & struggle for answers. But when we don't get the answer, we too get involved in this rat-race. We keep running our whole life & many a time lead the race as well but we find out after many years of running that this race was not needed & will never end. We try to get out of the race but get pushed in by someone or the other & start running again. We don't stop for fear that we may be left behind or get trampled by someone. And one day we drop dead !
If only you had realized that there is no one outside you. You begin with yourself & end there. You are the world & the whole world is within you. The rest is only a mirage. The only truth is that nothing is truer than you. Competing with others is like fighting with the self & feeling a winner & a loser at the same time. All things are relevant in relation to you and not the other way round. 
We exist not to push or impress others or to compete with them, but to help & love them. The sense of competition brings negative energy while sense of togetherness attracts positive vibes. We don't become an island or limit ourselves by thinking about self. On the contrary, we expand much more. We break boundaries & connect to more people than we do when we compete with others.
You have not come here to be like someone or to be better than others. If we try to do so we go against the design of God who didn't want us all to be the same but different in all aspects.
     "The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday."
                                                                                                                -Anonymous 

Conquer Yourself

Our  whole life is nothing but a series of hard-fought battles. From an early age man is taught to fight for his right, justice & for his place in society. We fight battles with our problems, obstacles & many other external demons. We also have daily tussles in our relationship- with our spouses, children & friends. We fight our own limitations to do some unthinkable acts. And most of the time we kiss victory & feel like taking a victory lap. But we are unable do so because after every such battle, we feel conked out; we are badly bruised & hurt. We win the battle but lose a lot in bargain- our relationship, our energy & most importantly, we lose peace of mind. 

Another distinct characteristic of a battle of relationship is that both the sides are victorious but after some time both feel like losers. Their victory is short-lived & there is no joy in it. They feel like being friends again but fear that they will lose some ground in the bargain & stick to their positions whole life. They have a lot of people around them, some complementing them on their hard-fought victory, some others egging them on to get ready for another one. In spite of these people around them, they feel lonely.  

We also engage in a fierce battle with our fellow human beings. To be one-up with our neighbor, to get a better raise than our colleagues, to get a promotion much faster than others, to be the wealthiest & the most powerful man in our circle. And many of us achieve this goal.  We win the battle & possess a lot of wealth, be the power-center but lose inner peace, health & people on the way to our goal. Not a good bargain! We have a lot of wealth but live a life of utter poverty. We have people hanging around us not because we are special or loving but because they can use us in their battles. We realize that top is a lonely place but we are too tired to climb down & cry quietly. 

Instead of fighting many false battles we should gear up to fight one real battle & that is to conquer the self. The demons within us are more dangerous than the demons without. The demons of avarice, fear & hatred harm us more than the demons outside. And once we conquer these demons, we will conquer the world. The important point to note is that after this victory we will be fresher than ever, will have more friends than ever & will lead an abundant life.

Freedom To Choose

Human race is the story of untold miseries, struggles & achievements. Many of the miseries were natural, did a lot of damage but we survived those. Some other miseries were brought by few despots trying to be the power to control the world externally but we overcame them as well. But the real misery that we are still trying to overcome is the misery of living a borrowed life. And it has a lot to do with the freedom of choice which Viktor Frankl called as 'the last of human freedoms' in his magnum opus 'Man's Search For Meaning' -

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing:the last of human freedoms-to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." - Viktor E. Frankl.

The trouble begins when we surrender this freedom of choice to external circumstances which are transient. Our circumstances are transient but the behavior pattern that we develop once we surrender this freedom becomes an integral part of our existence & refuses to cooperate & our misery continues.

In this ever changing world, one thing has always remained constant & that is struggle for individuality. Struggle to safe guard our individuality becomes a much greater challenge than struggle for survival. We learn survival techniques much faster because we are supported in this endeavor by people close to us-our parents, our teachers, our peer group. On the contrary, we are opposed by the same group of people when we try to be ourselves. They oppose because they surrendered their freedom & individuality much earlier and behave as if they were much better-off now. They feel so because they don't have to choose what they have to be; they become what the world around them wants them to be. Now they want us to live the same fallacy & conform to their ideas. 

While we have so much of struggle, failures & miseries, we also have a lot of achievements to write home about. And most of these have been because of the people who refused to surrender their individuality; their freedom of choice. The world by opposing them made them much stronger than the adverse circumstances. They protected their 'last of human freedoms' as if their survival depended on it. They surrendered everything but their right to be themselves. They didn't only survive; they lived an abundant life. 

Power Of Imagination

Everything takes shape twice- first in our mind & then in the real world. There is hardly anything that materialized before being imagined. Then, why is it so that people don't believe imagination to be so powerful or don't use this power?

One reason is that it looks a bit phoney or unreal. It looks unreal until you experience its power. Most of the inventions in the world took place not in the labs but in the imaginative minds of otherwise ordinary people. What looked beyond the realms appeared quite doable once it took shape. These people became great because they used their imagination to think the unthinkable & thus did the undoable. They appeared foolish & their ideas absurd before they found the same things that they had imagined taking place in the real world. Einstein remarked,

                         "If at first, the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it."

At first, any imaginative idea sounds absurd to others & even to you but that does not warrant its failure.  On the contrary, more absurd an idea is, better are the chances of its success. This is what imagination does- it converts absurd into superb, unreal into real & undoable into doable!

Another reason people don't use their imaginative power is that they are not trained to use it.  On the contrary, from his early childhood a child is taught to follow the unsaid rules, do what is being told & not to try anything which looks out of box. Our education system teaches us to be disciplined, to carry out the orders. By the time a child grows up, he becomes slave to a system that discourages use of power of imagination. Hence, a large population remains deprived of a wonderful gift given by God to His children. 

All the miracles become real once we start working on this power. Our real magic comes out when we start imagining anything that looks impossible & start working towards achieving it. World will be more wonderful a place if a man is taught from his childhood to only do which has not been done, to think what looks impossible & to go for what looks highly improbable to achieve to an ordinary soul. One of the most imaginative souls of our age Einstein had this to offer  on reality & miracle,

"There are two ways to live your life.

  One is as though nothing is a miracle.

  The other is as though everything is a miracle."

In The Direction Of Your Dreams

When we start a journey, we have a destination in our mind. We encounter a lot of challenges on the way but keep walking & reach the end of our journey. But many a time, we start for one place & reach the other. Why does that happen? Do we deviate from our path? 

Remember, we think of only one destination but God has many in store for us. The basic difference between His choice & our choice is that our choice is influenced by external factors while His is in line with our dreams. When we start we think only about reaching the end of our journey while the real joy & learning is in the journey itself. When we begin we are not mature enough to think about the places that we will touch during our excursion but as we move along we see those & enjoy the beauty. Destination is not as important as the journey because destination stops you while journey makes you walk. 

"It is good to have an end to journey towards; it is the journey that matters in the end."

                                                                                                                    -Urusula Le Guin

Sometimes, a voice pushes us towards a particular direction & we turn towards it, willy-nilly. What is that direction? Who is pushing us & why? The direction you are pushed towards is the direction of your dreams & your inner voice is pushing you there. Read the signal; listen to your intuition. Your intuition is nothing but God talking to you. Don't fight; don't oppose. Just keep walking & one day you will arrive where you are needed to.

No doubt, you intend to do something in life & want to do it all cost but don't get frustrated if you don't reach there; you will reach somewhere & that somewhere is not the end of the journey; it is just the beginning. Our job is to listen to that voice, go towards the direction of our dreams & keep walking. And, don't stop even if it appears that you have reached your destination. It may be a temporary halt to take some rest & walk again. 

Be The 'You'

The most important possession for any individual is his individuality. You may look like someone or behave like someone but you cannot be him. You remain what you are meant to be. There are physiological, cognitive & behavioral changes in us as we grow up but these changes lead us only to our true being; not to make us like someone else. This is also not to deny the fact that environmental influences affect us to shape our being but from within we remain as pure & original as God wants us to be.

So, what is that stops you from being someone else? It is not your thoughts or your feelings; it is your soul. Your soul is the real you. It not only guards you from external influences but also guides you towards your calling. It connects you to your purpose. The trouble starts when the soul starts getting polluted. When you don't listen to its voice & allow it to wander. When the noise outside muffles your inner voice, you lose your individuality. Many people experience death twice. Their first experience is when they allow their soul to die & after this living becomes meaningless. But the positive aspect of this fact is that while a dead body cannot be revived, a soul can be revived. It can be made as pure as it was in the beginning. 

A child has the purest soul because he enjoys being himself. He doesn't care what others look like or what they think about him. But as he grows up he becomes conscious about people around him. He doesn't want to be like someone; he likes to be that someone. And here the struggle begins. He stops listening to his inner voice. There is nothing wrong to be like someone or to follow an individual. But one should allow one's soul to guide him whether he is walking towards his purpose or just imitating someone. 

Our whole emphasis should be to get that one point that makes us different from others. And that point is our spark which will take us to our goal. Once we understand it we should devote rest of our life to sharpen it, to make it better & to be as different as possible from others in this aspect of our personality. Henry Ford termed it as 'our real claim to importance'. 

"All Fords are exactly alike; but no two men are just alike. Every new life is a new thing under the sun; there has never been anything just like it before, never will be again. A young man ought to get that idea about himself; he should look for the single spark of individuality that makes him different from other folks, and develop that for all he is worth. Society & schools may try to iron it out of him; their tendency is to put it all in the same mold, but i say don't let that spark be lost; it is your only real claim to importance." - Henry Ford.  

You Only Live Once

The tragedy of life is not that we get only one life to live but that we don't know how to live that one life. For the purpose of understanding, we can divide the purpose of our life into three sections- learning, earning & yearning. If we understand these three, and try to live accordingly, one life is more than enough. 

The first step is learning; but the big question is what & how to learn. We learn what we are taught-by our parents,our peer group, our teachers & by other varied sources. Initially, we adopt this learning only as idea but when we are taught the same thing again & again & we don't question these ideas, they are converted into beliefs. And once they are converted into beliefs, they are difficult to remove. So, if we are taught a particular religion, we accept it & by & by it becomes an integral part of our existence. But if we are also taught that our religion is the best one & all other religions are sham, we would accept this too as a belief & would start practicing the same. The vital aspect of any learning is questioning, reasoning & then establishing your own beliefs. If we are taught to question our set beliefs & find the answers ourselves we would have learned in every sense of the word.

The second step of living truly is earning & we are not good at that. We learn what to earn from our needs. A child wants to earn knowledge, love, compassion & freedom. But as we grow up, we learn to earn everything that fulfills our basic needs & then earn to become financially independent. But our wants don't stop there; we crave for more- if I have a house, I need a bigger one & if I get that, I need one more & won't mind if it keeps adding. Same thinking goes for our car, for bank balance & for other materialistic pursuits. And this greed engulfs us so much that we forget we are buying these at the cost of living. Richard Bach expressed it succinctly when he said, 

                       "Shop for security over happiness, and you buy it at that price."

Earn financial independence but never at the cost of happiness, love & compassion for self & for all the people connected to you.

The third aspect is yearning; yearning for a quality life, for a peaceful coexistence, for living every moment of this life. But ironically, either we desire for the life we have lived or for another life, forgetting that while we were wishing so, another moment of this 'only one life' flitted by. We would live truly if we learn to live in 'now' not in 'years', to count moments not months.

" Butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough." - Rabindra Nath Tagore. 

Smile Because It Happened

We should learn to celebrate endings not only because they precede new beginnings but also because they happen for a reason. Every journey begins & ends with a purpose. So, if we accept & celebrate the start or the continuation of the journey, what stops us to celebrate the end? Or, why are we pained emotionally when something bitter happens in our life? Why do we want it to end immediately?

Most of us believe that we have come to this planet to achieve something. No doubt, we are the chosen few who have a goal to meet, a mission to accomplish. The life without purpose is a life wasted. We won't be able to live long if believe that we came here as the result of an incident & we have no control over what is happening in our life. Each one of us is an important cog in the wheel of this grand plan of the Almighty. The whole system is disturbed when we don't play our part to perfection. The challenge lies in understanding our role, our mission. The prime purpose of our life is to live it to the fullest & help others live theirs. Though we are separate identities, yet we are connected with one grand purpose. When everything is going our way, we don't want to break the pattern & if the pattern is broken, we regret it. It is because we treat ourselves as an island, not connected to anyone. So, we are not bothered about any other plan. 

Similarly, when someone leaves us, he does so because he has played his part in our life. His role was limited to that extent. His overstaying would only have disturbed the equilibrium & caused more pain. And we would be selfish if we want him to stay any longer in our life or if we cry because he left. The way he has moved away from you, you also need to do the same; it will bring tranquility in your & his life. Make the departure as smooth as possible. Say him good-bye, wish him a happy life & move on!

One more thing, attaching any relationship with departure will only bring pain in your life & remembering it for all the wonderful moments that you spent with someone will bring peace & contentment. It will be sad if a moment of sudden departure weighs much heavier than all the years of a wonderful relationship. And, don't forget that relationships are transient; purpose is more encompassing & permanent.

The Mind Machine

Our mind is the most powerful computer ever invented. It has a memory, an operating system & a key board which is used to write all our experiences- negative as well as positive. We need to give commands to our mind to produce results. But unlike computer, it has some mechanisms which make it distinct from the ordinary computers. 

First & foremost, it is never switched off; it works round the clock. Whether you are using it or not, it will continue processing the data that it is getting. It doesn't depend on anyone for the data; it collects it on its own. It gathers data from varied sources, some of the sources that you may not even recognize after a certain period. You might not have observed certain incident that took place around you, but it not only took notice of the same but also saved it to its memory. 

The other distinct feature of human mind is that it is always on auto-save mode; for every bit of experience- real or imaginary. And we can use this feature to our advantage or disadvantage depending upon how we use the experience. The experiences that are painful & demotivating can also be programmed to our advantage if we stop seeing these as negative experiences & treat the same as learning experiences. On the other hand, we can use all positive experiences to solve our problems or to motivate us in troubled time. We can make two separate files of learning experiences & positive experiences & give command to our mind to save all past & current data related to experiences in proper files.

One thing that is absolutely in your control is the interpretation of the data. How you read the data will have a lot of bearing on your future life. Mind computer needs commands to read the data & depending upon the commands given by you, it will interpret the data. Whenever faced with a challenge, your mind will automatically open the files of learning experience & positive experience. Now, it is up to you to choose the data that you want to use. The interpretation of the data will be done by you & will be used to overcome the challenge. One interesting fact is that every time you open a particular file, your computer will store your preference. And after some time it will start opening the file of your preference & rejecting the file that you don't want it to open in problem solving mechanism. If you recall negative experience, every time you are faced with a challenge, your mind will open the negative experience file & discard the other file & vice versa. So, you can either erase all negative experiences from your life by not recalling these or you can use these to your advantage by treating these as learning experiences.

The most important thing to remember is that you should not 'let' your mind work but 'make' it. Make it do certain things that it fears. Scold it if it tries to frighten you. Feed it with commands that work for you not against you. As Emerson said, 

                                       " Do the thing & you will have the power."

Open Your Parcel

Man is a bundle of uncountable traits, many of which go unnoticed & unused. One of the reasons that these traits are not used is that man himself is not sure about these. A good number of our traits are developed over the years. We work on some specific traits & become master of the same & think we were born only with these traits. The fact of the matter is that we are born with innumerable traits. We develop the traits that we come to know about but a large number remains latent throughout our life.

What are the reasons that we ignore the treasure house that we are sitting on? Prime reason is that we don't trust ourselves of having certain traits. On many occasions we come to know about a trait by chance & surprise ourselves with our achievements in that field. For instance, a child may learn about his talent for direction when he guides his classmates in some play in school in the absence of the actual director. And the child goes on to become a famous director! The question to be asked is what if the original director was not absent on that day!

Another reason is that we don't test ourselves. If we believe & do a random check on varied traits, we may find a good number of these waiting to be used. We wait for the opportunity instead of making one. So, we leave some of the wonderful talents to chance & that is the reason that despite gifted with a good number of these, we get to know only about a few. 

One more reason is that we wait for others' recommendation for our talents. If someone appreciates any of our talent, we give it another go & wait for another nod from some other person. It is like getting approval from my neighbor to use my own things in my home & if he disagrees, not using these. How funny! 

It is tragic that a wonderful gift like man remains unopened throughout the life. We do a great disservice to ourselves & to mankind by not opening it. It doesn't matter whether others like the articles in the gift or not; our job is to open the parcel & use every article in it otherwise we will live a limited existence. It will be a pity if I have to return God some of the articles of the parcel telling Him," Sorry God, I could not use all of these."

Flow Like A River

We are a generation in hurry. We live as if we have to reach somewhere & we don't have enough time. The problem is not that we don't have time but that we don't know where we are heading to. We start our journey in a calmed manner but as we grow up, we build a red-light mentality. 

Red light is a wonderful idea to control traffic. It also helps you take some rest, rejuvenate, observe what is happening on the road & start your journey afresh once you get the green signal. But, if you see people at a red light, you will observe that no one wants to take a halt, breathe easy or notice what is happening around. In fact, people are more tense at a red-light; they fume over 'unnecessary' break; swear & get more stressed than they were before the break. Many of them keep the engine of the vehicle on despite the fact that they have to stay there for a certain time. They burn the fuel even when they are stationary. How funny !

Compare the same with people who have red-light mentality. They start the journey with great enthusiasm. They have their eyes on the destination & want to reach there at the earliest. The problem is that they only go through the motions & don't notice the scene around. They forget that they will reach the destination anyhow; it is the journey that they should enjoy. And when they reach their destination, they have momentary pleasure but they get stressed-out & want to take a break. But now hurried life gets the better of them & they find it hard to break the routine. How silly !

Living can be learnt best from a river flowing calmly. It is not in a hurry as it knows it will reach there someday. Not that its journey is all hunky-dory but it doesn't fight the hindrances but flows over these & these obstacles become part of it, adding to its beauty. It enjoys the journey without worrying about the destination. In fact, its only destination is 'now'; this moment & it refuses to live beyond that. How natural !

If you want to enjoy your life instead of passing it, flow like a river. Be calm in every situation. Don't hurry thinking that you have only one life. Enjoy because you have only one life. Don't struggle, don't complain. Go with the flow & enjoy this journey called life. Consider each obstacle an integral part of your life. It has come to teach you, to make you better, not to stop you. Live in 'now' as this is all that you have. How satisfying !     

Aging Differently

Aging is a natural process but aging beautifully is not natural. It requires some efforts so that we don't get old; we grow old. The difference between human beings & people can be summed up in our description of aging. While things decay, human beings grow. Then, why is it so that people don't want to age? They want to enjoy their salad days up to the maximum. They don't want wrinkles on their faces, stumble in their walk & shake in their voice. The reason for it is that they connect aging only with physical symptoms. 

Describing aging in physical terms is like comparing human beings with things. Things may wear out or rust out but humans grow old & grow wise. If we look out for some of the positive manifestation of aging, we will welcome it with open arms. In the prime of his life, a man is a bundle of energy. He wants to achieve a lot & be the best in the field that he chooses. He has a carefree attitude & tries his hands at everything. He fails many times before he tastes success. He cheats many & is duped by a large number of people. He is aggressive, industrious & a go-getter. Most of these are the positive traits & suits the persona of a young man trying to do well in life. But the problem starts when he wants to be successful by any means. His ends justify his means & he justifies the ends that he wants to meet. He starts compromising with his character, family & self. He succeeds in life & pays a heavy price for this success, but he doesn't seem to mind until he sees some grey hair on his head or a wrinkle on his face. Suddenly, he realizes that he is getting old & starts his count down.

The day he realizes that his years are numbered now, his whole mental make-up transforms. He becomes mature, satiated & sympathetic towards others. He starts looking at others with a different mindset. He doesn't want to only achieve but wants to give as well. From material possessions, he moves to nature. Not only he wants to have things but also to enjoy them. He feels blessed in many ways. He becomes spiritual, forgiving & benevolent. He loves, lives & wants to leave a legacy. This is not to deny some physical manifestation of his aging like hair-fall, a weaker body & drop in energy level. But the fact remains that old age has more to do with mind than with body. If we accept it gracefully, we will see it more as a blessing than as a curse. We will see it as arriving at a more beautiful & satisfying place, rather than seeing it as a departure stage.

If only we could learn to live our life in reverse order- starting with the grace of old age, moving to our vibrant youth & becoming a child to go back to the infinite that we came from ! 

Find Out The Way

Learning is not a science; it's an art. This is why it cannot be taught; it has to be learnt. Our learning comes much before we physically appear in this world. A child learns to survive in the womb of his mother. He survives many odds & ultimately arrives. In fact he survives in much tougher condition than a normal child would do in physical world. And when he arrives we wind a protective cover around him. The child acclimatizes himself quite fast in the new atmosphere. Most of the things he learns himself through trial & error method. He makes mistakes, learns & grows up.
He also learns a lot many things from his parents, peer group & teachers. But when he grows up, he hates being told. Not that he doesn't understand what we tell him but he finds the style quite didactic. And it is because he is a good observer too. He finds a lot of people around him telling a lot of things and practicing just the opposite. He is not confused; he is convinced- convinced that all the people who  are  trying to teach him are themselves confused.
So the best way to teach a child is to be like him. Don't teach him to be a perfect man. Teach him to be a perfect child. Throw challenges at him or throw him to challenges. Let him commit mistakes & learn through these. The more mistakes he commits, the more mature a person he becomes. Trust him; if he could survive those difficult months before you saw him in physical form, he will survive the rest of his life as well.
Ironically, most of the children become the same kinds of fathers that they don't want in their childhood. And the reason is not that he is forced to believe by being told some moral precepts but because he observes that behavior, day in & day out. He thinks it cool to oppose something in childhood and follow the same when he becomes a father. And he believes that this is the only way to be a nice father & the fallacy continues. 
If  we teach him to be a free man independent of the opinions of others, he would walk the right path. If he doesn't know the way, he will find out one!   

I m possible

Few things appear ironical but are true- the best in a man always comes out in the worst of situations. A man learns from his failures more than he does from his successes. He moves from ordinary to extraordinary by doing the impossible looking things not by acting on that appears possible. Then, why is it so that we perform more of ordinary acts than the extraordinary ones in our daily life? The answer lies in understanding the difference or similarity between Impossible & I m possible.  

When we select any goal that looks impossible or too big for our abilities, we tend to shrink it to fit it to our size. We do it so that the chances of hitting our target are 100%. And the reason behind this self-limiting thinking is that our purpose of selecting that goal is not to learn but to achieve, which is never the right approach. Another fallacy contributes to shrinking our goal size. Most of goals appear impossible in the beginning. And the usual response of human brain is to reject the impossible & embrace possible looking goals. The fact is that each goal is possible only if you give it little more effort & time than needed for an ordinary goal. Goals are not difficult or easy, our approach is soft or strong. We program our brain to accept the impossible by going for impossible goals consistently. 

In fact if someone is achieving his goals without much efforts on a regular basis, he might be underestimating his abilities. Make a realistic assessment of your skills & then select your goals. Falter on the side of  overestimating your abilities, but never underestimate your strengths. Choose something that stretches your skills & efforts to maximum. You may not achieve the goal but you will certainly learn much more than learning from achieving an ordinary goal. And remember, it is not the destination that teaches you but the journey.

One more thing, whenever you fail in any attempt, analyze what went wrong; but more importantly assess what did you learn & try to apply this learning in next & bigger goal; bigger because you have already failed successfully in a smaller effort. Sir Edmund Hillary did not stop after failing twice in his conquest. He challenged Mount Everest & said to it, 

"I will come again & conquer you because as a mountain you can't grow, but as a human, i can."

Had he shrunk the size of his goal, we would not have been talking about him here. No one knows about the maximum limit of his abilities until he stretches it to that level. You don't fail when you fall; you fail only when you fall & don't get up. And as a human being we are not programmed to fail; we are programmed to learn & succeed. 

Instead of shrinking your goals, expand your abilities. Instead of cutting down on the size of your goal, increase your effort level. Instead of listening 'impossible', listen 'i m possible', every time you choose a big goal. 

Knowledge Speaks, Wisdom Listens

We pass the lion's share of our life speaking & a very small portion listening to others. Though, in both cases, we communicate.

Primarily, we speak for two reasons; either we want to give knowledge or we want to show-off our knowledge. We want to give knowledge when we think we are better equipped to do so vis-a-vis listener. There is nothing wrong with this part of communication as long as we live up to our image. The purpose of this kind of communication should be to leave the listener in a happier state than he was before the  communication & this will only happen when he will gain something from the discussion. Every communication should lead the listener to a positive direction & should leave him in a better frame of mind. If communication has failed to do so, it is not an effective communication & should be avoided. 

Listening is always a better bargain than speaking. When we listen we are on the receiving end- receiving end of knowledge. The problem is when we are not able to decide what to listen & what not to. This happens for two reasons- First, because we don't know the purpose of our listening and secondly because we don't know how to listen. 

The purpose of listening is to be better than before mentally, spiritually & intellectually. When we control our listening with these criterion in mind, we always gain knowledge. Second hindrance in meaningful listening is not knowing how to listen. As Stephen Covey put it, 
  "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." 

When we listen with the intent to reply, we are not interested in learning but in showing-off our limited knowledge & in engaging in the game of one-upmanship. This is the cardinal mistake that most listeners commit & they are, therefore, devoid of gaining wisdom. 

But the best conversation is that a person has with self. He is a speaker as well as a listener. We should learn how to listen to our own conversation.This can be done only if we recognize our inner voice & shut out the noise of outside world. 
When we speak, we gain knowledge; when we listen, we gain wisdom; and when we listen to self, we get enlightened.

Happiness Comes At A Price

If asked from variety of people about their reason of doing a particular job, the usual answer would be-"I do it to for the security of my family." And they take pride in stating this as this statement seems to put the family first. But it actually makes him & people around him a laggard in life as far as happiness is concerned. We get the whole equation wrong simply because we don't understand the question right. Life doesn't need a security cover; it needs a happiness cover. The problem with most of us is that we confuse happiness with security. We think that we are happy as long as we are secure and the tragedy is we neither understand happiness nor security.

Happiness is not a thing but a state and therefore it cannot be had in exchange of anything. All our life we keep running after money, security, financial freedom, palatial houses, luxury cars & all other toys to make ourselves & people around us happy. The paradox is while we are adding all these items to our shopping cart, someone is swapping a credit card & debiting a large amount of happiness from our happiness bank. When we bring these items home, we also get some so called freebies like greed, ego & stress. Ironically, the more secure we feel, the more security we yearn for & we are caught in a vicious cycle. 

This happens because we also misunderstand security. In the beginning we work for our basic needs but once we have it, we swiftly move to ultra-luxury items & never stop. Initially, having our basic necessities have some bearing on our happiness index, but once we reach to a certain level, hoarding these things doesn't affect our state of happiness. In fact, it takes a lot away from us & only gives us pain. What we should understand is that security is nothing but our ability to perform a particular job. As long as we are adequate to do a job we should not worry about security- financial or social. Instead of hoarding money and toys, one should hoard skills & talents. 

Remember, happiness also comes at a price & the price is your abnegation of all material pursuits. This is not to say that we don't need some basic necessities but what we don't need is mindless hoarding of luxuries at the cost of happiness. 

Ridicule, Opposition, Acceptance

When we take a stand which is not in line with the stand of majority of people, we are tentative & nervous. Most of the time we start looking outward instead of looking inward. We hear the voices which are asking us to take a popular stand. And more often than not we succumb to the outside pressure. The same thing happens with any new idea. It passes through three stages. 

First & most of all our idea is not taken earnestly. We are made fun of for thinking out of the box. Most of the time we succumb to people ridiculing our idea that looks strange to them from the word go. To be very frank, their behavior is not very strange. It is a human tendency to mock anything which is weird. And in the first look, any new idea seems weird. They don't laugh at your stupidity; they laugh at their own. They believe in the theory that if it is not done before now, it cannot be done now as well; if it is not done by them, it cannot be done by any other human being. Ridicule by others is in fact a signal that your idea is fresh and different.

The second stage is opposition. Most of the ideas get killed at the stage one. But if by any chance they survive the ridicule of people around them, they face a stiff opposition from cynics around them. People oppose the idea because it might cause an aberration in their set routine. Because it might force them to change not only their behavior but also their lifestyle. Any change is difficult to adopt. You may be considered a social outcast for your weird ideas. But, keep marching not for your idea but for the change that your idea might bring in your life and in the lives of others.

And if you succeed to cross the second hurdle, you will have the world at your feet. They will applaud you for the same ideas that they ridiculed & opposed. They will accept the idea not because they liked it but because you left them with no other option but to accept it.

It is a pity that most of the ideas die at a nascent stage not because the father of the idea doubts it, but because someone else who has no inkling of the idea is cynical about it. So, the next time you drop a brilliant idea check whether you are dropping the idea because of your own inhibition about it or because of some outside pressure. Remember, if you don't give a shape to your idea, someone else at some other place will do so.   

The Ecstasy Of Living

When we start any journey, we do it in right earnest. We begin it because we trust our intuition  about it. Journey towards life of truth is no different. We cannot venture on the path of righteousness if we don't have a firm belief. 

We can divide people into four categories as far as walking the path of truth is concerned . 

First category of people are those who don't know what is the right way of living. These people can only be pitied as they never come in contact of people who have experienced the joy of righteous living. They only believe in materialistic pleasures which are transient but they are not aware about this fact. One day these people get converted into things & either wear out or rust out. They only pass this planet without experiencing life. 

Second category of people are those who know the path to truth but refuse to accept it as they consider it to be strewn with hindrances and hardships. They pretend as if they never knew this path and pass their life without realizing that they were not living but only breathing. They miss life by a long margin. And by the time they get to know about the joy of living it is already too late. 

Third category of people are those who know the path & start the journey too. They also know the obstacles that they might meet along the path. They still embark upon the journey because they know the bliss of righteous living. The only problem with these kinds of people is that when they come face to face with problems they go down fighting & refuse to go all the way. They are the most unfortunate of souls. They got the life but could never enjoy it. They miss life by a whisker. 

The fourth category of people are the blessed souls. They not only know the path & the bliss that it brings along but also the hardships that they might encounter on the way. They don't start the journey for some reward. They know the reward of truthful living is the life itself. They live every moment of their life to the fullest. Their stoical acceptance of all pain makes their life a memorable experience. They attain nirvana along the path & leave their mark on the path for others to follow. And most importantly, they experience the ecstasy of living !     

Listen To Your Conscience

The sweetest voice for a person should always be his inner voice. It is this voice that guides him towards what ought to be done. It separates right from the wrong; wheat from the chaff; extraordinary from the ordinary. Listen to your intuition. If prayer is you talking to God, your intuition is God talking to you. Your inner voice works like a torch works in gloom. So, keep it on, always.

But sometimes we have two inner voices. While one is your conscience, pure & sublime, the other is its opponent which is false. It doesn't want you to follow what your real voice instructs. It wants you to do just the reverse.

So, the million dollar question is how to differentiate between the two voices. How do I know whether the voice that is speaking right now is the devil or pure conscience ? Remember, a pure voice is soft, benevolent  & forgiving. It doesn't even know the words like harm, hate or revenge. It speaks the language of love. It cries when someone is pained. Try to listen to the voice which has these characteristics.

Another way of distinguishing good conscience from the bad one is to understand the style of their suggestions. A pure voice has a guiding & enabling style. Therefore it suggests you to do something which makes you better in some respect or the other. It tells you what 'you can' not 'what you cant'.

One more characteristic of language of pure conscience is that it is all including. It does not differentiate between human beings of different color, creed or nationality. It guides us in the direction which is good for all; not for a small section of society. So, it does away with the concept of enemy & ego. It believes in a world which is devoid of enemies & believes in the concept of love for all & malice towards none. Pure conscience doesn't divide or create boundaries; it unites people, communities, nations & races. 

Once you learn to recognize the pure conscience, second step is to silence the voice which is disabling, limiting &, therefore, impure. Do opposite of what it says. If it says walk to South, start heading North. If it challenges you to do anything, take the challenge & do it with all your might. After a while, you will notice that it stops talking to you because you are not taking its orders. You only listen to the pure conscience & once you do it, the world will be all yours.

Also learn to talk to your inner voice. Ask it questions like, "what should i do in this situation", or, "what is good for all" & it will supply with the right answers. There is no better way to live; this is the way !

Road to Success

One of the cravings of human life is to achieve life goals. We set our goals and start walking towards the same with a definite purpose. On the way we meet some roadblocks & obstacles. When we get tired, we take an occasional halt to get rejuvenated & start anew. We also meet many people who are heading towards the same destination or going to a different place. On the highway of success it does not matter who our co-commuters are or what is their destination. We don’t change our route as per their convenience neither do we get influenced by their choice of route. 
When we start our journey,we are gung-ho about it; we not only want to reach our destination on time but also want to enjoy our journey. On the way we get jaded & exhausted & want some rest. But we only make a temporary halt; we don’t stay anywhere permanently. We may get attracted by the scenery but we don’t make a home there. We enjoy it only for a short period & start again. Our only objective is to reach the place where we have decided to go despite the hindrances, roadblocks or other influences.

Surprisingly, the road to success & the road to failure are almost exactly the same. So, why do some people reach their goal well on time while others either get late or never reach their destination? The problems with our journey towards success are multi-fold. We don’t succeed because we don’t know our where, why & how. 
First of all, we don’t know our destination. Many a times our objective is only to go for a long ride. It really doesn't matter where are we heading to. But life is not always a long ride to unwind. It is much more than that.

Secondly, we don’t have a purpose or why did we start our journey in the first place. What inspired us to start our journey? What motivated us to venture out & take the first step.

And, thirdly, we don’t have a road map. One fine morning we just get up, pack our luggage & get going. We don’t plan for our journey. There is nothing wrong with planning on the way. But you must have some basic plan in place so that you don’t bungle at the first step. You may change your planning on the way as per the need of the journey but you cannot begin without any planning. So, on your way to success, take care of your where, why & how and the goal will take care of itself. So there is no difference of route as far as success & failure are concerned.  Roads are the same; the difference is in our approach.

But, there are some people who don’t need any of these whys & hows. These are the people who don’t begin & you know where they reach ultimately- NOWHERE! 

Fear Factor

Our whole existence depends upon one aspect- How big do we dream? In fact, it also doesn't matter whether all our dreams come true or not. Our dreams give direction to our goals which get manifested in different forms.
If dreams are so important then why don't we dream long enough?
There are two reasons why we stop dreaming. The first one is that the environment around us doesn't support this & considers this as a waste of an activity. A child dreams best when he is young but stops dreaming or shrinks the size of his dreams as he grows up. He encounters two obstacles on his way. First, he finds people around him who limit his dreams & secondly, he faces failures on the way of fulfilling his dreams. If he is not taught or he doesn't learn to tackle either of the two, he starts falling into a pattern that is set by others & hints at living an ordinary life.
After a certain period he shivers merely at the thought of having a dream. If at all he dreams, he dreams small; so small that it doesn't make any difference to his existence. Any new dream scares him to death. Instead of living his dream, he starts living his fears. Surprisingly, most of his fears come true because he believes in those & his belief on his dreams further shrinks. Fear is the most crucial factor to kill our art of dreaming.
So the only way to keep dreaming is to challenge your fears. Do what you fear most. Most of the successful people adopted this technique; they did what they feared.  They also did whatever others warned them not to try because it was too difficult or out of their reach. They questioned every doubt and defied every limit. The only thing that you need to overcome is your fear. If you don't, rest assured, one day it will overcome you.  

Failure Inspires Winners

When we undertake a task, we have only two options. Either we come out with flying colors or we bite the dust. Both can have far reaching ramifications. If we succeed we may feel motivated to start something new. It can give us confidence to do things which we would hesitate to imagine in ordinary circumstances. On the other hand success can make you arrogant & cocky. Ironically, many a time success can be the cause of a huge failure. 

Similarly, failing is a funny business. It can depress you so much that you go into a shell & lose all faith in your capabilities. It can hurt you badly & leave you wounded forever. Most of the people forget that failure is only one of the results that shows up for a particular action of theirs. In fact, failure teaches you more than success does. Failure is a sure shot way to grow, provided we accept failures in right spirit. 

Whether you become a loser or a winner in life will largely depend upon how you handle failures. And more importantly how you handle yourself when you fail. If you take failing only as a result, you will learn from it. But if you take failure as a serious issue & take it to heart, it can ruin you. We don't fall to remain on the ground forever; similarly, we don't fail to be in that state for long. Like falling teaches you  to walk, failing teaches you to succeed. But tragedy is that people take failure in any enterprise as a permanent comment on their capabilities. The fact is that a temporary failure tells you about your current status; it doesn't comment on your future prospects. Your future prospects will depend upon your future standing in that field which largely depend upon your current preparations for future challenges. 

It is not the failure that fails you in life; it is your response to the failure that decides your fate. And remember, if you are not encountering enough failures in your life, you are not having big enough goals. And small goals only give small results & lead to an average life. 

Work Before Success

The quote, "The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary", has been attributed to many people including Mark Twain, Vince Lombardi & Vidal Sassoon. But it doesn't matter now as they all passed the same message, though in different words. One thing that each human being craves for is the desire to be successful in a particular field. Sometimes, he wants success so badly that he is ready to stake his existence for the same. Achieving success in life has many secret formulas but one that is known to all but practised by a few is hard work. People want to get everything in life without giving it everything. They want to reach their destination on time without driving at required speed. 

There is no doubt that there are many other essential ingredients of success formula e.g. a strong vision, short term & long term goals or will to succeed. We can't reach anywhere if we don't know our destination or if we don't have a will to go. It will be no more than daydreaming. You also need to have a strong plan to reach your destination. As The French writer, Antoine de Saint said in very succinct style, " A goal without a plan is just a wish." So, you need all these & many more factors to succeed in any enterprise. But one thing that is indispensable to success is hard work.

Hard work is the key which more often than not opens the lock of gate to success. People at times choose huge goals only to find themselves staring at failure after some time. The reason of their failure is not their huge goals but that they did not put in efforts equivalent to the size of their goals. There comes a time in your life when everyone else seems to be luckier than you. You think that others get much better result with almost no effort & you, despite putting your best foot forward don't get the deserving result. The fact is that you only see the output. You cannot comment on the input simply because you don't see it. The guy who looks so relaxed in the morning might be the same guy who burnt midnight oil.

Not necessarily, a person will get success in the first go. He may fall hundred times but if he gets up hundred & one times, he will eventually succeed. As Babe Ruth puts it, " It is hard to beat a person who never gives up". A person who gives his maximum to whatever he undertakes is bound to meet success unimagined in common hours.

Mind Wash

Our life is nothing  but the consequence of  series of decisions that we take when we live. It is these decisions that shape our life. Even when we don't take these decisions we make the decision of letting our life influenced by external factors. So, we don't live our life, someone else does. The all important question to ask is- how our decisions are influenced? These are influenced by our thought patterns. We set a certain thought pattern that we follow until it is replaced by another pattern. Though the transition of these patterns is not easy & frequent, we can still influence it to our advantage. 

Our mind is daily bombarded with lots of thoughts, most of which are externally driven. The problem with these thoughts is that they are not controlled by us but by others. And these external influences direct our lives as per their conveniences & requirements. By the time we realize it, we have already pledged a large part of our thinking pattern to these influences. 

Transition is not easy because we live around those external factors & listen to same kinds of thoughts. At times, we want to come out of it but fail because our subconscious mind keeps throwing these thoughts back to us.

So, the important point is how to make your own thought pattern so that you be at the driving seat of your life instead of riding pillion. One easy way is to block every external thought at the outset that may influence you negatively. You meet all kinds of people daily & these people have varied thought patterns & they, knowingly or unknowingly, throw their thoughts towards you. It is like when you move out, you are bound to attract some dust. Thoughts are like dust particles. So, the moment you realize there is something thrown at you, take out a napkin dipped in the perfume of positive thoughts & wipe your face thoroughly. Check your face in the mirror & do it until every single particle of  negative influence is wiped off. This may look very unpractical & cumbersome, but believe me, this is very crucial for your life. 

Another good way is to bathe daily in the river of positive thoughts. Start your day with something powerfully positive. May be you can read some motivational book or article or listen to some inspiring lecture. Make sure that you don't talk anything negative in the first hour of the day. The important part is to do it daily even if you are happy & satisfied with your thoughts. It will work like a sun-screen to protect you from any negative idea that  may creep in. But the most important thing to remember is to do it daily. Make it as important a part of your life as food is. Miss your food if required but never miss your Mind Wash! 

To Know Or Not To Know

To know is to gain knowledge. To know that you know is to be ignorant. To know that you know nothing is the real wisdom.

We stop learning when our being(ego) becomes bigger than us. The moment we realize that we have learnt enough, ignorance starts. There are two ways that we can stop growing- one way is to feel that we have known enough to pass our life & another is to feel that there is nothing  left to know. In the first case, we put a limit to our knowledge & thus we only pass our lives instead of living. In second case we put limit to ourselves & die spiritually. 

A child learns most because he realizes that to grow he needs to know. He gets into stage of  constant learning very fast & remains there for pretty long period. After few years he starts thinking that he has gained knowledge of most of the things that is required to pass his life. Now he intends to specialize & walks in the direction of his dreams. But now he learns not for self but for others-for his family, for friends & for everyone connected to him & he prides himself being called successful in a particular field. Then he gains knowledge of all worldly affairs-he does so to have good relationship with his fellow human beings.

But what he misses is to learn for self. He feels he will have time enough to know when he will be free from others. But most of us fail to get that time & die in utter ignorance. Blessed are those who realize the meaning of true knowledge early in their life & go in quest of the same. They learn not for others but for self. The dilemma is not whether to know or not to, but what to know & what not to. If we can crack this puzzle,we will lead a life of bliss.

Happiness Is A Habit

A man is the sum total of people he meets in his life. Since he comes across a large variety of people in his life time, it becomes quite difficult for him to decide whom to keep & whom to let go. People may behave differently in different circumstances;they remain more or less the same in nature. So, our job is to read the inner nature of a person & take the decision based on the same.

There are people who always spread happiness wherever they go. These people don't let the circumstances affect their mood. On the contrary, they create a positive atmosphere around them. You can smell cheerfulness all around them. They have life written all over their body. Try to be in their company as much as possible as happiness is infectious. The more you be with these kinds of people, the more you would love life. Being happy is not only an attitude, it is a habit as well. If you want to be happy, you will find reasons to be so. Over the years, people who remain happy develop some kind of positive vibes around them & that aura lifts them up. It not only lifts them, but everyone around them receives the positive energy they emanate. How many times it has happened that you  are sad & down but just a talk with someone over phone for a few minutes changes the whole mood? You become lively & chirpy again in no time. 

Why is it so that you become light in the company of pets ? Simply because they don't carry the burden of sad mood with them. They are easy to please & ready to spread happiness with their small acts. Happiness is an emotion & emotions spread fast & are easy to control than thoughts. You can't think positive if you  are gloomy; similarly, you cannot remain negative for long if you are in a cheerful mood. 

What to do with people who have the habit of vitiating the atmosphere with their negative talks?  Simple;either be the reason of their happiness or don't allow them to be the reason of your unhappiness.